My Own Worst Enemy
I brought it on myself. I feel bipolar. A series of forgetting and remembering, remembering and surpressing, surpressing and laughing. This worked just fine for a large portion of my life until i found someone who i care about. I feel terrible. I cant even see her to talk to her. I cant even see her to explain. I want to unload all of my thoughts instead of just the depressing tid bits that haunt me. I constant go through logic cycles in my head, the problem with that is i remember a problem, i work it out in my head, come to a conclusion so to speak, and i even come up with a way to verbalize it if the need arises, but after that, i dont really need to so i forget it. And each time it might as well be new. I dont know why now anything bothered me, but im sure if you give me a couple of minutes i'll remember. I have a bad feeling that if i dump all of my thoughts on the one person who listens i may get better, but what kills me i have a bad feeling my pain will just plow through her, and then the guilt comes back, and followed tight knit with the pain. Ah, now i remember one of them, see? Moments later one comes back to me after just remembering today. I cant show weakness. Take it, suck it up. The love of your life needs you strong more now than ever. Shes what matters here.