(no subject)
"We little realize that the question, "Why should we marry at all?" is predicated on a flawed perception of humanity. In today's world, we look upon ourselves as being whole, complete individuals. Although we readily acknowledge our blemishes and imperfections, we do not see ourselves as being fundamentally incomplete or deficient. We believe ourselves to be basically to be good people; perhaps not perfect, but nonetheless not missing anything vital. That coziness and sense of completion is further enhanced by a good education and a well-paid job, which leads to a general sense of security. But this assumption of wholesomeness implies that there can be no intrinsic reason for marrying at all. If we are not missing anything in life, why search for a lifelong partenr? And even if we marry, this philosophy will lead us to discard our spouse the moment things heat up, since we are intrinsically complete even without them. By way of analogy, if a salesman of third arms approaches a man with two arms and tells him that he has just invented a third arm, and would like to sell him one, the customer will be wary and suspicious. "I already have two arms. Why do I need a third?"...The customer is [eventually] convinced and agrees to give it a try. The first month everything goes will. The third arm really is a tremendous convenience, and it immeasurably enhances his life. But after a few weeks, it begins to act up. One morning it won't wake up at all, complaining it's too tired. The next morning it's temperamental, cantankerously needling its owner that it's not appreciated enough. The third morning it even has the audacity to slap the customer's face, saying that he was being mean and uncaring. "That's it," says the customer. "I've had enough." And he returns the arm to the salesman. But now imagine a man who, God forbid, being physically disabled, was born without a second arm. Along comes a doctor, who says, "We have been experimenting with a second-arm replacement, and would like to provide you with one. I can't guarantee that it will always be useful, obey your commands, or even always work properly." Still, the patient decides to accept the arm, and although he experiences the same problems that the man with the third arm did, he sticks with it, feeling grateful that he has the second arm at all. He perseveres with the arm because he acknowledges his state of incompletion. But in the case of the man with two arms, the third arm is superfluous; an added extra. If it works, it workds. If it doesn't, you get rid of it. To the man with only one arm, the second mechanical arm is an intrinsic blessing, even if it is not perfect. To the man with two arms, the third arm is a blessing only if it brings him happiness. Otherwise, it is an easily discarded nuisance." --Kosher Sex, by Shmuley Boteach