Boy, you been a naughty girl, you let you knickers down.
I know I have to get up, get back to work.
I know I have to put in my time. I have to wake up to greet the night. I have to commute and grocery shop and clean a house.
I have to pick myself up, even when I feel I can't.
Something's got ahold of me. I got sick and stayed sick. The symptoms shifted, though. What was an actual illness became part of my mental illness. I want to crawl into bed. There is no cure for the physical ailments your mind creates for you.
I wait to feel some shred of inspiration. Something to want to get me out from beneath the covers. My body is lifeless. Making love is even an obstacle. This is rediculous. I have to be inspired by some world outside of watching cartoons, reading, and sleeping. I just can't seem to make myself go.
So I'm doing the right thing. I'm not calling in. I'm going to force myself through the hours. I'm going to feel the exhaustion. I'm going to get my body tired enough to get the kind of rest it needs. I've lacked good-quality sleep lately, and it's all I want. I need to get out of this cycle or I will continue to hurt.
I wish there were some easier explanation. I wish I could step around this, but I can't, so I have to work through. Breathe, and push on more.
I've got to
read
and
bike
and
work
and
write
and
transform
Someday, things will stop eating away at me. If even for a little while.
I know I have to put in my time. I have to wake up to greet the night. I have to commute and grocery shop and clean a house.
I have to pick myself up, even when I feel I can't.
Something's got ahold of me. I got sick and stayed sick. The symptoms shifted, though. What was an actual illness became part of my mental illness. I want to crawl into bed. There is no cure for the physical ailments your mind creates for you.
I wait to feel some shred of inspiration. Something to want to get me out from beneath the covers. My body is lifeless. Making love is even an obstacle. This is rediculous. I have to be inspired by some world outside of watching cartoons, reading, and sleeping. I just can't seem to make myself go.
So I'm doing the right thing. I'm not calling in. I'm going to force myself through the hours. I'm going to feel the exhaustion. I'm going to get my body tired enough to get the kind of rest it needs. I've lacked good-quality sleep lately, and it's all I want. I need to get out of this cycle or I will continue to hurt.
I wish there were some easier explanation. I wish I could step around this, but I can't, so I have to work through. Breathe, and push on more.
I've got to
read
and
bike
and
work
and
write
and
transform
Someday, things will stop eating away at me. If even for a little while.