Fic: The best damned thing (1/1)
“She’s not worth it.”
Whether or not she’s willing to admit it, every time that Finn Hudson takes a stab at her, it hurts. Sure, she’s aware that she’s not necessarily the nicest of girls, but she’s never been purposely mean to Finnocence, unless he deserves it of course. She replied with a snippy remark, to which Knee Socks Berry obviously had to throw in her two cents, and she just got so upset that she let it slip that they slept together. She didn’t mean for it to come out, but Rachel’s just so… annoying sometimes, that she can’t help herself. She knows he’s angry at her, and she’s angry at herself too. She wanted to tell Yentl, but not in the way that she did. She didn’t want to have to yell at Finn too. She knows she might have screwed it all up.
But a few days later, he gives her hope.
She’s casually checking him out in the hallway, minding her own business, when he gives her the once over and clearly has the hots for her. She winks and blows him a kiss, and she happens to notice Rachel watching the entire exchange go down. She makes a comment to her, to make it seem like their night out was a date, and she continues on.
They’re not broken up, somehow, but Santana figures it will only be a matter of time.
----
He’s miserable.
He hates his life and what’s it become. He screwed up and then Rachel screwed up even bigger than he did. He didn’t cheat on her when he slept with Santana. She cheated on him when she made out with Puck. He’s not mad at Puck - he knows the guy can’t help it. He’s mad at Rachel because she hurt him. He loved her and he was trying to be the boyfriend she deserved and all these months he’d been keeping his secret because he didn’t know how to tell her and she goes and she does this.
He’s on the benches outside after Glee practice. He just needs some air. His eyes are burning, threatening to release the tears he can feel building up at any minute, but he’s desperate not to cry where anyone can see him. He presses the palms of his hands to his eyes and rubs at them furiously. He hears a faint noise of someone climbing the stairs, the flimsy steps dipping slightly under the added weight.
“You okay, Finnocence?”
“Do you even care, Santana?” he inquires, bringing his hands down to his lap.
“Well, fuck you, too,” she replies, gawking at him in disbelief.
“You’re funny. This is all your fault,” he sneers, shaking his head.
“My fault? How is it my fault?” the Latina wonders, throwing her free hand into the air.
“If you had just kept your mouth shut about us, then everything would be fine,” he informs her, like she doesn’t already know that.
“No, this is your fault,” she retorts, anger burning in her eyes. “I asked you if you were sure. I told you we didn’t have to go through with it if you were having doubts. Your exact words were ‘I want this. I want you, Santana,’ so don’t even try and blame this on me.”
“Well, I was wrong,” he mumbles, catching a flash of something that he can’t quite read in her eyes before he looks away.
“You two are broken up now, right?” she says, though she knows that it’s over. She heard it from Wheezy, who heard it from Tina, who heard it from Rachel. “Like I said at the wedding, this might be a good thing. I mean now that you’re no longer with Rachel, there’s nothing stopping us from being together.”
“Except I’ll never want to be with you. You’re just a slut who manipulates people to get what she wants. But you don’t get me this time,” he growls, and before the last sentence is even out of his mouth, he can read the hurt on her face. She doesn’t even say anything to him, she just closes her eyes and turns around, taking the steps two at a time before running off the field as fast as she can.
It’s only the second time he’s seen her as something other than an ice queen. The first time was the momentary sting in her eyes after he lied and said that them sleeping together meant nothing.
It’s almost cruel that the two times he’s thought she looks beautiful is the two times he’s managed to hurt her.
It’s not until a few days later that he realizes it’s because he knows she feels something.
----
She’s decorating the tree in Glee Club with him. He’s really into this Christmas thing and she catches him alone in the choir room adding more ornaments to the tree. It’s already covered in ornaments, but he seems to see a few spots he’s not happy with. “I can help, if you want. I mean, Brittany’s off hanging out with Wheels anyways,” she offers, and she has to fight a smile when he nods.
She grabs a few of the remaining ornaments that she’s taken from the lady next door and hangs them up. “It looks good, Finnocence,” she smiles. The tree is kind of scrawny and whatever, but it’s still better than nothing, and she appreciates having some Christmas cheer. It’s weird how just having him around, even if they’re not really talking, makes her feel less alone.
“You wanna hang the star?” he asks, looking down at her as he holds it in his hand. She nods and takes it from him, and she stands up on her tiptoes but she’s still a little short, so he lifts her up, his hands holding her tightly. She puts the star on the top of the tree and straightens it, and he sets her back down gently.
“I think we did good,” she says, admiring their handiwork. She can feel his eyes on her, so she looks up at him. He’s just staring at her with this expression that she can’t place, and she wants to kiss him, but she resists, looking away instead. “I - I have to go see Coach Sylvester about something,” she stammers, and picks up her bag and bolts out of the room as quickly as she can.
----
It’s New Years Eve and he’s been looking for her all night. He needs to tell her that he lied about that night. He did feel something, he was just scared that it wouldn’t mean anything to her. He doesn’t know why he feels compelled to tell her, maybe it’s the beer in his hand, or the fact that it’s not his first. He knows she’s there because he’s heard people talking about her.
He spots her in the corner of Puck’s living room talking to Mike and Tina. She’s got a beer in her hand and she’s laughing with them about something. She’s not in her Cheerios uniform and her hair is down and she just looks… beautiful. She looks happy. She looks over in his direction by chance, and instantly her smile falls and she turns her attention back to Mike and Tina. He decides against going to see her and goes talk to some of the guys on the team instead. He makes her sad, and he doesn’t want her to be sad on New Year’s Eve.
At two minutes to midnight, everyone starts to pair off. Everyone but him. He’s standing there in the corner of Puck’s living room and he’s just watching everyone. He’s not really looking for her but his eyes inevitably find her as he scans the room. She’s looking out the window and she’s by herself.
He pushes through the people gathered through the room. He can hear everyone counting down to the ball drop on Puck’s TV but he ignores them. His only thought is getting to her. “Santana,” he calls, and she turns around.
“What?” she inquires, and he can see that she’s trying her best to put up that icy front, like she just doesn’t give a shit, but he knows better. He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her to him, and presses his lips against hers. She seems surprised, but he feels her relax and melt against him a second later and her arm wraps around his neck as her lips press back against his.
She’s the one to pull back first. “You’re not supposed to do that for another ten seconds.”
“I lied,” he says, speaking loudly because of the noise around them. “It meant something to me. That night, it meant something.”
She gives him a little smirk, amusement written all over her face, but she also seems lighter, airier. She seems happy. Everyone around them is kissing because it’s the New Year, but all he can do is stare at her. “I know,” she finally replies. “It meant something to me, too.” She leans up and kisses him again and he swears it’s the best damn feeling he’s ever felt. He makes a promise to himself that from that moment on, he’s never going to let it go.