the world is not the same [OPEN]
who ; Shockwave & OPEN to any that wish to poke him.
what ; Shockwave has no idea what to do next. He thinks on things and realizes he's lonely. Something is clearly very wrong.
where ; Garden Zone 04.
when ; 6 in the AM.
warning(s) ; Crazy writing done at 5am. Shockwave style melodrama.
Crazy. Insane.
Never words the Cybertronian scientist would use to describe himself. He can admit to himself that he is not the same as he used to be. Even that back on Cybertron - before Lachesis had pulled him away from his duties and thrust him into the City - he may have been a bit off. Only after obtaining the Matrix of course. However, he handled it well, with cold logic, and any insanity that he had was not at all visible. His twisted spark remained as it was, and none save for Optimus Prime would have known. And the Autobot leader would have been dead soon enough. That was not the case now. Something was visibly wrong, and people were pointing it out.
Shockwave had gone from being far more logical than just about everyone, to--
He starts up a small fire, keeping a close eye on it. It's unlikely to spread given how he's set it up, but he doesn't intend to burn down a part of the Garden Zone; much as he'd like to. There's that little part of him, entirely Decepticon in nature, that would greatly enjoy just watching everything burn. Senseless destruction just because he can. But that isn't him, he can't do it. He's logical.
For a split second he thinks to what Skyfire said. That he'd forsaken logic. It was an absurd thought, a foolish accusation. Logic was his master, the one thing he was permanently bound to. It was not something he could so simply throw to the Pit, human form or not. Emotions were powerful, he wouldn't deny that, and perhaps it had been warring with his logic more often recently, but such a conclusion had been unwarranted.
He hadn't needed to hear it.
His emotions had been fueling his actions, he knew that, but after loosing Soundwave again it was a bit expected. Given how he'd reacted when he'd lost the communications offer back in the City, this wasn't anything new. Slightly more intense than previously, but nothing new. Shockwave had attributed it to a lack of having Vector Prime around, or someone he could respect. And his admittance that he'd been in love. Missing someone for him to speak to, cry to about what was going on. A severe lack of someone around that could properly try to explain the crushing feeling inside him. He's alone. Truly alone. It's all too familiar.
It's something that never would have bothered him prior to being human. To getting these emotions. While it does remind him of being the only functional Cybertronian on a believed dead planet, it isn't exactly the same. He never felt alone then. All he'd seen was so much potential. Four million years working alone and being as pleased as one without emotion could be. Now it feels like a similar situation with added emotion. He'd even been given a week's worth of distraction. Of finding potential. But distractions never last.
This was likely what Starscream must have felt floating around as a spark, alone for all those years; going mad. Shockwave finds himself tempted to go poking through those memories, but he holds himself back for now. It's not something he really needs to know. He doesn't need to meddle around in the seeker's memories, unless he feels like madness is something he wants to get into. Unless he truly wishes to forsake logic.
What a failure he's become.
His current state. Being unable to stop Soundwave from dying back in the City. Having so much difficultly balancing logic and emotion. Ignoring sleep, even though he knows that it assists in cognitive function. Being unable to find a way out, and worse off being unable to stop Soundwave from being taken. He can't even find a way to locate him without attempting to gain data from the station's A.I.
His fault. It's all his fault.
Pitiful.
And how hard it was to press on. He assumes he might feel better once he gets his revenge of sorts. Although he isn't sure if that's the emotions talking or the lack of sleep. It won't fix everything, he's certain of that, but it may help. He never got his revenge on the Major back in the City, so there is little for him to base it on. Revenge. Vengeance. If any of it actually worked.
It won't be easy, he knows. Not since his post to gather information on Hypatia. Now there were others watching him, wishing to stop him. Something of which he couldn't let happen. He had little information beyond that; just how well was he being watched? They truly didn't expect him to just inform everyone when he was going to make his attack, so where would they be getting their information from?
Shockwave finds himself just staring at the small fire, unable to come up with any answers that could be classified as decent. Or what he'd like to hear. He merely wants someone to talk to, in addition to the desire of blowing up a glitchy A.I. What is so wrong with that, that causes people to see the need to try and stop him?
He'll really need to think about what to do, but he hardly knows if he's capable in his current state.
Unfortunate. Illogical.
His hand begins to glow a bright purple, as he burns some symbols into the ground. Cybertronian writing, specifically their more ancient language.
He hates this all.
what ; Shockwave has no idea what to do next. He thinks on things and realizes he's lonely. Something is clearly very wrong.
where ; Garden Zone 04.
when ; 6 in the AM.
warning(s) ; Crazy writing done at 5am. Shockwave style melodrama.
Crazy. Insane.
Never words the Cybertronian scientist would use to describe himself. He can admit to himself that he is not the same as he used to be. Even that back on Cybertron - before Lachesis had pulled him away from his duties and thrust him into the City - he may have been a bit off. Only after obtaining the Matrix of course. However, he handled it well, with cold logic, and any insanity that he had was not at all visible. His twisted spark remained as it was, and none save for Optimus Prime would have known. And the Autobot leader would have been dead soon enough. That was not the case now. Something was visibly wrong, and people were pointing it out.
Shockwave had gone from being far more logical than just about everyone, to--
He starts up a small fire, keeping a close eye on it. It's unlikely to spread given how he's set it up, but he doesn't intend to burn down a part of the Garden Zone; much as he'd like to. There's that little part of him, entirely Decepticon in nature, that would greatly enjoy just watching everything burn. Senseless destruction just because he can. But that isn't him, he can't do it. He's logical.
For a split second he thinks to what Skyfire said. That he'd forsaken logic. It was an absurd thought, a foolish accusation. Logic was his master, the one thing he was permanently bound to. It was not something he could so simply throw to the Pit, human form or not. Emotions were powerful, he wouldn't deny that, and perhaps it had been warring with his logic more often recently, but such a conclusion had been unwarranted.
He hadn't needed to hear it.
His emotions had been fueling his actions, he knew that, but after loosing Soundwave again it was a bit expected. Given how he'd reacted when he'd lost the communications offer back in the City, this wasn't anything new. Slightly more intense than previously, but nothing new. Shockwave had attributed it to a lack of having Vector Prime around, or someone he could respect. And his admittance that he'd been in love. Missing someone for him to speak to, cry to about what was going on. A severe lack of someone around that could properly try to explain the crushing feeling inside him. He's alone. Truly alone. It's all too familiar.
It's something that never would have bothered him prior to being human. To getting these emotions. While it does remind him of being the only functional Cybertronian on a believed dead planet, it isn't exactly the same. He never felt alone then. All he'd seen was so much potential. Four million years working alone and being as pleased as one without emotion could be. Now it feels like a similar situation with added emotion. He'd even been given a week's worth of distraction. Of finding potential. But distractions never last.
This was likely what Starscream must have felt floating around as a spark, alone for all those years; going mad. Shockwave finds himself tempted to go poking through those memories, but he holds himself back for now. It's not something he really needs to know. He doesn't need to meddle around in the seeker's memories, unless he feels like madness is something he wants to get into. Unless he truly wishes to forsake logic.
What a failure he's become.
His current state. Being unable to stop Soundwave from dying back in the City. Having so much difficultly balancing logic and emotion. Ignoring sleep, even though he knows that it assists in cognitive function. Being unable to find a way out, and worse off being unable to stop Soundwave from being taken. He can't even find a way to locate him without attempting to gain data from the station's A.I.
His fault. It's all his fault.
Pitiful.
And how hard it was to press on. He assumes he might feel better once he gets his revenge of sorts. Although he isn't sure if that's the emotions talking or the lack of sleep. It won't fix everything, he's certain of that, but it may help. He never got his revenge on the Major back in the City, so there is little for him to base it on. Revenge. Vengeance. If any of it actually worked.
It won't be easy, he knows. Not since his post to gather information on Hypatia. Now there were others watching him, wishing to stop him. Something of which he couldn't let happen. He had little information beyond that; just how well was he being watched? They truly didn't expect him to just inform everyone when he was going to make his attack, so where would they be getting their information from?
Shockwave finds himself just staring at the small fire, unable to come up with any answers that could be classified as decent. Or what he'd like to hear. He merely wants someone to talk to, in addition to the desire of blowing up a glitchy A.I. What is so wrong with that, that causes people to see the need to try and stop him?
He'll really need to think about what to do, but he hardly knows if he's capable in his current state.
Unfortunate. Illogical.
His hand begins to glow a bright purple, as he burns some symbols into the ground. Cybertronian writing, specifically their more ancient language.
He hates this all.