Welcome To The Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center (OPEN)

[glad_2_see_u]

Who► [ TEST SUBJECTS ] and associated Aperture Science Personnel.
What► Due to a generous grant from the SHODAN ADMINISTRATIVE FOUNDATION, beta testing of the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device may continue.
Where► A section of R07, exact coordinates require administrative clearance to acquire. If you do not have clearance too bad

Comments

Aperture Science Relaxation and Detainment Vaults

[glad_2_see_u]

[There are several in a row. The glass, while tempered, is not particularly resistant to being smashed. It will likely shatter into large pieces.

The walls, however, are of reinforced steel, several inches thick and seem to be coated with a polymer that dampens communications ability. There are locations where communication to the outside is possible, but they are difficult to locate.]

oh. it's you.

[standaloneshell]

Motoko had gone along with it when the drones had attempted to detain her. She'd been heading through the zone, looking for...

Well, if not Zaeed specifically, then anyone, really. So often the station was just a series of boring empty days punctuated only by the various bouts of infighting on the network. Things were actually happening again, which was as much a relief as anything could be, and it would take a great deal to keep her from arbitrarily shooting people. The hallucinations were persistent, but Motoko had been gracefully fending off false realities and brain-hacks since she was fourteen, and this was no different. What really bothered her were the little wisps of shadow that flickered in the corner of her eyes, but were never there when she looked at them directly

The only thing you have managed to break...was that window. Haha. A joke.

[glad_2_see_u]

"Though we are capable of [ ACTION: JOKING ] in order to lighten an otherwise dismal testing environment, we have not told a [ VARIABLE: JOKE ] yet."

The voice was coming from the ceiling, though where exactly was a solid question. There didn't seem to be any speakers.

"Though brief, we hope your stay in the Aperture Science Relaxation and Detainment Vault was a pleasant one." The voice was feminine and fairly cheerful. "If you wwill note the object on your aaaaarm, an Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device we may begin instructional procedures and then TESTING."

Variable: "Heart" not found

[standaloneshell]

The Major of course did not flinch. After a moment in which she made it silently obvious that she was simply humoring GLaDOS, she lifted the arm on which the 'Portal Device' had been affixed and tilted it, looking it over. It was probably fairly dangerous, and she considered blowing a few panels to get it off, but decided against it with a mental shrug.

Alright, she'll bite; without preamble Motoko aimed the weapon (was it a weapon?) at the far wall and pulled a trigger. Blue. Well, that was different.

404--Please retype the network address and try again.

[glad_2_see_u]

There was a whir as the red-lensed cameras turned their attention on the Major. The single portal did little on its own. Would she figure out that she needed to fire the other trigger without instruction?

Perhaps she had promise as a testing subject.

GLaDOS waited in silence to see what the woman would do.

Re: 404--Please retype the network address and try again.

[standaloneshell]

After an anti-climactic pause, Motoko approached the affected disc. It was faintly warm, glowing, but otherwise unchanged. Her subdermal micromachines sputtered and withdrew at the two-fingered touch- it was energetic, for such an inert mark.

Well, there are three triggers, aren't there? Another wall, another shot, this time orange- though the effect is very different. She's distracted in the alteration of sound from the blue portal beside her, and ends up staring in abrupt confusion.

Oh.

Oh.

The Portal Gun didn't exactly give points to the 'this is all real' argument, that's for sure. This was the strangest, most elaborately pointless hack Motoko had ever heard of.

[glad_2_see_u]

"Well done, you have passed this section of the test with ffflying colors," GLaDOS informed her from somewhere in the ceiling.

At the far end of the room an elevator arrived and the doors parted clinically.

"Proceed for further testing."

[puppetfetishist]

Bro woke up slowly, blinking in the harsh, bright lights. His eyes were mildly light sensitive at the best of times (years of wearing dark sunglasses at all times will do that to you) but this was ridiculous. He was practically blind.

what the hell?

He couldn't remember anything. He wondered, briefly, if he'd died again, but this wasn't like before at all. He got to his feet, and looked around.

Orange jumpsuit. Glass room. Creepy robot voice coming over the loudspeaker.

"You gotta be kiddin me."

/Ffff this took forever, I am so sorry.

[glad_2_see_u]

GLaDOS was not used to talkative test subjects. Why they all assumed she was joking, she was uncertain, but it was starting to become offensive. Still, she was professional and this was an important task. After a beat, the clock on the ceiling of Bro's vault starts counting down from thirty seconds. As it does, a tacky sounding corporate tune plays from somewhere in the ceiling. The origin is indistinct, but the volume is definitely sufficient.

"Hello and, again, we hope your brief detention in the Relaxation Vault has been a pleasant one. We would like to assure you, [ TEST SUBJECT 2 ], that your comfort and the comfort of others are our primary goals. The portal will open in 3...2...1."

The chamber next to his has a sizable hole in the glass. Apparently this was unnecessary, as a glowing blue portal appeared beneath the mounted clock. Within the blue portal, a view of Bro standing in the chamber was visible. A little searching would show the orange portal on the wall beside him.

"If you wwill note the object on your aaaaarm, an

dude you are talking to the empress of slow tags. it's cool.

[puppetfetishist]

The what. The who. Dammit, he knew he should have played some vidoegames from after the 90s. He felt out of his depth here.

He looked down at his arm. Er.

Well. That was sure a gun thing. It seemed to have two triggers inside, and it was kind of heavy.

Only one thing for it then. He stepped through the portal.

Does that make me the dutchess of slow taggery? :D

[glad_2_see_u]

And lo, as soon as he stepped through the blue portal, he was...well, teleported might have been the wrong term. He hadn't actually been taken apart and put back together, but rather shoved through a very complex rip in space-time. It was very much like just suddenly being in another place...mostly because that was exactly what it was.

That he'd trusted her and just walked through the portal without firing the gun...oh, that made GLaDOS very happy. Her subject deserved praise.

"EXCELLENT. We must congratulate you on how swiftly you acclimated to the testing environment. You acclimated at record speed. No other subject has ever trusted the portals with such fervor." GLaDOS's voice praised from over the intercom.

At the end of the room a door opened, revealing an elevator. There was a strange sort of misty field in front of it, but the computer did not elaborate.

"The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device is designed to permit travel from one poiiiint to another. To utilize [ THE DEVICE ] you must fiiir░▒│▓Ä╚8☺b9│▓▓▓▓▓;][poenm_

yes. together we can rule the galaxy.

[puppetfetishist]

To be honest, Bro was used to weird time and space shit. Hell, he was the result of a stable timeloop and his own father.

However, after that he was a bit less... cooperative.

Handheld portal device, eh? He lifted it and shot it at a wall, using the left trigger, just to see what would happen.

Or just be late to everything, forever. Both are good.

[glad_2_see_u]

A sphere of light shot out of the end of the gun with a strange sort of fizzle and, upon striking the wall, created a large, blue, ellipse. The orange portal was still behind him, so he was treated to an alternate view of himself, holding the gun.

GLaDOS waited, but it slowly became apparent that he was not going to move without motivation. This was to be expected.

"The Aperture Science Enrichment Center Protocols dictate that all [ VARIABLE: TEST SUBJECTS ] must always be provided with a safe testing environment," the computer voice informed Bro. "In dangerous testing environments, the Aperture Science Enrichment Center promises ttttooooo always provide useful advice."

The ceiling was silent briefly as it contemplated Bro then added, conversationally: "For instance: In approximately twenty seven seconds, the floor in this room will be ELECTRIFIED."

yeeep

[puppetfetishist]

He didn't respond to what she said - he didn't think that dignified a response. He was getting really fucking sick of computer programs trying to murder him.

Slinging up the gun so it rested on his shoulder, he sauntered over to the elevator. No sense in taking chances. Yet, anyway.

[a_breach_aint_1]

The last thing he remembered, he'd just entered one of the station's transporter.

And now...

This was not where he'd been trying to go.

Geordi frowned faintly, pushing himself to his feet, and examined the room. There were no visible exits - he must have been beamed right in.

Well, it was possible it was just a transporter malfunction, and no one meant him any harm.

But somehow, he had a feeling that wasn't the case.

"Hello?"

[glad_2_see_u]

Abruptly, a feminine voice booms down from above. Where, precisely, it's coming from is a complete mystery as there do not appear to be any speakers in this room.

"Hello and, again, we hope your brief detention in the Relaxation Vault has been a pleasant one."

Aside from being locked in a small glass chamber, there was nothing to denote foul play or danger to the persons involved...well, except for the curious (and rather heavy) device attached to Geordi's right arm.

"We would like to assure you, [ TEST SUBJECT 3 ], that your comfort and the comfort of others are our primary goals. P-pppplease stand aside: the portal will open in 3...2...1."