[ CLOSED ]

[sfx_balls]

who ; Jack Stabdadson and Karkat Stabsondad
what ; jackdo does wjahyt he wants
where ; Zone 8, outside some shitty fastfood place which may or may not be McDonalds
when ; Wednesday
warning(s) ; swearing, violence, some amount of heartwarming, and Linda

Comments

[demnubs]

Jack, your misdeeds are like an oil stain on the pantseat of life. You can ignore it all you want, but everyone you pass on the street will be checking out your ass. You might think it's due to your attractive, well-toned gluts. Maybe it's because you think you walk with a devil-may-care swagger (one that you learned by watching millions of youtube videos about Snoop Dogg). After about three hours of this, you get self conscious. You see older men checking your ass. You see younger men checking out your ass. You see older women checkin' it. You see younger women checkin' it. You see small children tug the arms of their respective parental figures and point at it.

There's only one conclusion to form here:

Your ass is haunted.

That theory is disproved after you run screaming into the nearest Catholic church, demand an exorcism, and realize that the priest is also checkin' it.

Finally, you go home. Avoiding crowds, sticking to dark alleyways, ducking behind dumpsters and scurrying into windows.

You make it home. You undress, take a refreshing shower, and as you're drying off in a fluffy towel, reaching for your robe... You see it.

The oil stain.

On the ass of your pants.

You fucking idiot.

You are so fucking stupid. You swear to never leave your room ever again. You hold yourself in front of a mirror and sob into your reflection, pretending it's someone else comforting you. But it's not. And you're alone in the world with all the crimes you've committed.

Jack has experienced this metaphor. Currently, in his box palace, he is metaphorically begging for comfort and forgiveness for the untold crimes he has committed.

He is reaching, but he falls. And the stars are black and cold (because it's morning). He's staring into the void of a world that cannot hold. He's about to escape now from this world.

But Karkat won't let him.

Because he's been searching every-fucking-where after dealing with the Kanaya vs. Gamzee stuff (however that might happen to turn out). In times of trouble, his first instinct is to hoard everyone together. We are talking Hoarder's style. Like, shove them into the smallest area imaginable and watch to make sure no one gets killed. Hat-wearing brats climbing out of windows and escaping to freedom goes against Karkat's instincts, which means it is his duty to hunt a certain stabdadson down and drag him back to the hoard.

"JACK YOU FUCKING NOOKBRAINED BULGESUCKING FUCKWIT WHERE THE SHIT ARE YOU I AM GOING TO DROWN YOU IN A FUCKING RIVER IF YOU KEEP UP THESE BULLSHIT ESCAPING SHENANIGANS." Karkat's not as creative with his insults after hours of searching.

[sfx_balls]

Jack was just about to start scoping out canals to jump into when he heard yelling. Who the fuck was yelling? Except he didn't have to ask that, because he already knew who it was. Karkat's voice is pretty distinct, also he's pretty sure no one else around here would be calling him a nookbrained bulgesucking whateverthefuck.

A little cardboard flap is nudged up, and Jack pokes his head through to take a peek. Yes, that's definitely the nub-demon. In fact, that nickname is getting upgraded to Nub-Demon, because it is Karkat's name now. Jack is still pretty damn sure he's a demon. And the Nub-Demon is still looking for him, a whole day after his escape through the front door. What the hell?

It's kind of touching in a weird sort of way. I mean, if you ignore the death threats it's pretty touching. And the demon did steal candy for him before, and also that thing that happened where he didn't shatter his legs into a million pieces. Maybe he was wrong about Nub-Demons...?

But Jack is still a little shit, so he doesn't answer. He just sits in his fort, resting his head over the top and watching to see how long it would take Karkat to notice him. Fortunately, mountains of boxes are pretty damn hard to miss.

[demnubs]

Karkat is like a bloodhound. Something more powerful than a bloodhound. A goddamn pterodactyl. An archaic beast of terrifying precision, only defeated by a possible volcano and maybe the meteor revealed in Land Before Time 7. He sails across the scene, face set in grim, sharptooth determination. There will be no songs about Big Water. There will be no friendship.

There will only be Karkat zeroing in on Jack’s hobo box shelter with claws to tear it asunder and laser eyes to set that shit on fire (the laser part only happens in his imagination).

“There you are,” he growls while pointing with all the ire of a particularly raging fire.

“Bitch comin’ HOMEEEEE” oh wait I’m not rping myself let’s try that again

“GET YOUR ASS BACK TO THE HIVE.”

[sfx_balls]

This is the part where, upon realizing he was wrong about Nubkat Demontas all along, the young Jack would swear to never run away again and embrace his adoptive son-father in a very emotional and heartwarming moment, making the audience collectively "awwwwwwww" and perhaps tear up a little. Jack finally has the caring, slightly abusive father he always wanted, and Karkat earns his father-son's love a second time, proving that they both really do care about each other and that love and friendship conquers all. It's all very touching.

Unfortunately, Jack never read this part of the script, since it doesn't actually exist. If it did exist, he probably would've set it on fire for fun. Fire is pretty.

Instead of any of that dumb shit, Jack sticks his tongue out followed by a bold cry of, "Fucking make me, asshole!"

Jack retreats deep into his fort, quickly pulling up the cardboard drawbridge. He didn't actually get around to digging a moat, but he did draw one with chalk earlier, and it CLEARLY said "moat" on it several times. He had enough candystash to last him at least a day, and an ample supply of small rocks and gumballs to be used as cannonballs. If all else failed, he had a hidden tunnel of boxes that went straight to the shitty fast food place behind the fort, wherein further supplies and possibly weapons could be scavenged. His plan was flawless; his fortress, impenetrable.

The siege is on.