{001} Audio-to-Video; What. The Hell. Just happened.

[im_sorry_dave]

Good... [he pauses for a moment, as it is rather difficult to gauge time near Zone 00.]

Afternoon, I suppose. I am an H-A-L Nine-Thousand computer. I was made active in Urbana, Illinois; January twelfth, nineteen ninety-two. With introductions finished, I'd like to know exactly what exactly happened to the Discovery.

[HAL turns on the video feed

Comments

action up the butt

[suckitimashark]

[Oh hello abandoned ship. You are only on fire a little bit. Virgil saunters on in to look for parts.]

Action ∞

[im_sorry_dave]

[Who is that? Why is he going near the Discovery. HAL is going to step right in front of him now.]

Excuse me, but what do you think you're doing. That is property of the American government.

[Translation: Back away from his ship.]

[suckitimashark]

What-ho, my good sir. I'm not sure where America is, but I can assure you they don't need this ship at the moment. Me on the other hand... I could use a ship like this. Or at least parts from it.

[im_sorry_dave]

Yes, but if we do need the ship in the near future, I'd prefer it if there weren't parts missing. I believe you can see the logic in that.

[Not moving from in front of you, kthnx.]

[suckitimashark]

[He lays a reassuring hand on Hal's shoulder and attempts to subtly unscrew his arm.] Ah, yes, dear heart. I suppose I can see the logic in that. However if you let me take parts from this ship- I can build something that can get us both out of here. Won't that be lovely? And you can go back to America...

[im_sorry_dave]

[He looks at the hand on his shoulder attempting to be subtle and failing because HAL is ever-watchful. And calmly picks that hand up and puts it back at Virgil's side, staring at him with his creepy red eye the entire time. No means no.]

As pleasant an option as that sounds, sir, I'm afraid I will have to decline. I ask that you not take apart this ship for your own means, as it doesn't belong to your... self.

[They never had space pirates back where he came from. Maybe he is supposed to defend his ship/old body?]

[suckitimashark]

[Virgil's grin spreads. This is his honest, persuasive smile.] Alright, alright. I can respect that. How about this instead. [He reaches out again- this time to harmlessly to play with those little robo-nipples.] How about I fix your ship for you. I only need to get out far enough to be out of the range of the station's jammer. I make a call to my ship, then you go your way, I go mine...

I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE YOU MENTIONED THE ROBONIPS

[im_sorry_dave]

[Is he- He is. He's, for lack of a better word, fondling HAL. There really is no proper reaction for this. He doesn't even know why his body came with these things!]

Excuse me but what are you doing and why are you doing it?

[He over-thought that too much and he only has one set of audio receptors, so now he's lost whatever it it Virgil has just said. It doesn't matter though since the answer is obviously going to be a 'No.' at this point.]

That is a highly inadvisable solution to this situation and I don't think you have the necessary skill set to completely fix Discovery. The answer is no.

[HANDS. BACK AT VIRGIL'S SIDES. BAD HANDS. STAY THERE.]

SOMEBODY HAD TO.

[suckitimashark]

That is how my people say hello. My apologies. [Griiiin.]

[He sticks his hands in his pockets in a casual display of look: I'm not touching you~]

I've fixed ships in worse shape than that. Electrical, engines, bodywork-- you name it. I've been a mechanic my whole life.

[He keeps his hands in his pockets but leans uncomfortably close.]

At least let me have a look.

YOU'RE HORRIBLE.

[im_sorry_dave]

Your people. Yes. Of course. That would be the race of half-shark people, would it? [Molesting black shark people. Why not.]

So you can reattach that portion of the ship right there [Pointing over there to that pile of crap.] to that one there. [Pointing all the way across the junkyard to the AE-35 unit, which is sort of like a VERY LARGE SATELLITE.]

And I believe that if I allowed you to look, that you would end up touching. Then everything would spiral downhill from there. [Taking a step back now, thank you.]

Neeeeeples~

[suckitimashark]

Not half-shark. All carcharian. [Griiiin]

Maybe I can't re-attach things-- but I can get it sealed and functional. [He looks as though he's about to say 'Trust me, I'm a Doctor.']

HORRIBLE.

[im_sorry_dave]

Carcharian? I see. [My. What big teeth he has.]

Sealed with what? Also, the Discovery was built in Earth's orbit in zero-gravity. How are you going to seal parts of it off if you don't know it will stay together? [He's half asking this to distract Virgil and half out of honest curiosity.]

[suckitimashark]

I'll have to get closer to evaluate the damage- but like I said: I've fixed scrapheaps in worse shape than that.

[im_sorry_dave]

[Hmn...] Alright. I'll let you near the ship, but no suspicious behavior. I will be monitoring you.

[suckitimashark]

Thank you~ [Suspicious? Virgil? Never. He happily trots on past HAL and toward the ship. He slips his welding goggles on so that he can take a few readings, measurements, and save a few pics without his robo-voyeur flipping out at him.]

[im_sorry_dave]

[And HAL is just standing over him, though it's more like looking at this point, to make sure he doesn't try to slip away with anything. When it comes to space travel, missing a single bolt could turn into a nearly fatal incident.]

Are you done yet?