Drugs 101
So I've basically been up since 8 am. ew. but I went to bed like... 10:30 is, so I am well rested. Jarin came here from school at 9:30am this morning, he is going to go to coast, cause he fucked up. he better get through it. he hates school more than the average person. I made him a real breakfast. hashbrowns, eggs, bacon. I am a good girlfriend. then we were gonna take a nap together but I am no longer tired. instead I am at that kind of insane-just-woke-up-hyper state. even though I woke up hours ago. but I have been lazing around so... I am stuck here. in crazy town. sad.
this kid wants to know more about e so j told him to call me. I know I used to do that crap, especially e but I dont want to be known for it. yes yes you journaly readers, you for the most part didn't know this but... the year after my senior year (last year) I got really really really into drugs (dun dun dun) and really fucked up my life. I was just working enough to make my truck payment and buy drugs. wasn't even eating everyday cause I didn't have money. I just had drugs. I will break it down for you. just like this. it started with the famous gateway drug...
Marijuana, Pot, Mary Jane, Weed, Grass, and many more names(smoke). Yes, just like most other good druggies I started with weed. we would do it a couple times a week. smoke, kick back, relax, then grub up! then crash. take a nap and start back with the day. then it became a daily thing. so I was a "pothead" I would get home from work and smoke with my dealer, or other close friends every night. Then along came...
Cocaine, Coke, Yay, Yayo, Rocks(powder). It was brought into my famous -No parents! so party when I feel like it apartment- I said they could do it if they let me do some. they crushed the rock up and set it up on lines on my roommate/cousin's desk. she hadn't moved in yet. I watched a couple people roll up a dollar shove it in their nose's and vacuum up the white line of powder. my heart raced... what if I did it wrong or something? i put the dollar up my nose get down to the table take a breath, let it out and... SHIT! I breathed out and blew the line apart. they say no biggie... just dont breath out by the line again. they reset it. ok. I try again. all the powder isn't coming up so i am going all around the area, i still dont get it all so they reset it AGAIN into a little pile and tell me to just get it all at once. i do. this awful taste is in my mouth so i make a face. someone turns to me and says "thats the drips, dont spit it out, its the yay" ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! it was nasty. i get told i will get many drips, so have a drink. ok. its going fine but all i really notice is i can't feel my nose. i feel like i have stuff in my throat, i try to cough it up, but there is that taste again. shit. this is a drip. i gotta swallow. i do. ew. they say they are doing more, i dont feel anything so i say i am down. someone sets up the lines and we all start railing (snorting) them. then i see people wipe the table with one finger and rub it in their mouths. i get told these are "gummers" so i try it. you just rub coke on your gums and your mouth and throat get numb. so i dont really get coke, then come...
Zanix, Zanny bar, Zanny football(pills). These are a "soft core" drug. I come upon this pill, the person giving them to me doesn't have many, so they say crush it and rail it. i already did coke, so what the hell. i feel it almost instantly, and i even have a drink ready for those drips. i feel proud, like i really know what i am doing. Zannys make you feel kinda drunk, kinda happy, and WAY relaxed. we go to the hot tub and i am in heaven. i am getting used to the drips but loving the high. i am just going for the ride. Those were fun, and they aren't as bad as most things... its an ok thing. But even better were...
Solma(pills). These are another "soft core" drug. I take a few of these, and I am LOVING the drunk feeling, i can barely stand and walk, but i am having a great time. then it starts wearing off so people start railing them. i just started becoming a professional with Zannys, so i am confident and dont want to be left behind. so i start railing them too. i am so far gone now, but having a total blast. i totally decide that solmas are my TOTAL favorite until...
Ecstasy, E, X(pill). a harder drug, but i think i am really ready. i take a SPEED based pill. and wow... i am flying, i stay up all night talking, and i am not even tired the next day! i find out there is a lot to know about e, but my drug guide seems to know about everything. so i find out there are really 3 types of e pills. (1)Speed based, which pumps up your heart, matabolizm... and almost everything else. that was my favorite, i would just go for walks or talk to ANYONE. i even went to a hookah bar on e, and made so many friends! it made me the person i wished i could be. then i found (2)Heroine based e. this just makes you kick back in an almost sleep. you are fully awake, just REALLY drowsy, and you dont feel like moving or anything, but you are HAPPY. on any of these, someone lightly rubbing their fingers on you = heaven. i didnt like heroine based much, so i cant tell you as much about it. sleepy and happy. last but defintly NOT least. one night a bunch of us decide to do it. we buy everyones pills together, get to my apartment and split them. we have both speed and heroine based. we have a super speedy one. a pretty speedy one, and the heroine one. we pass them out to what people ordered and there are 4 left. speed based. i only bought one but... ok. so i take one. nothing. so i figure i have just used too much so i need more. i take one more. nothing. i have waited 45 minutes, just seeing other people trip. i am jealous. i take 2 more. so now i have 2 pretty speedy ones and 2 SUPER speedy ones. i feel like going to the hot tub, some of us walk over there and just float around. its awesome. then i dont feel good. we start the walk back i start puking. i stop, then just start back walking then i here "OH SHIT!" I turn around and one of my friends is standing by where i puked. then i hear. "Mandy, you aren't ok, you are puking blood." oh shit. my mind is racing. maybe i can puke the pills up? no i took them a couple hours before. oh god. i throw up blood for a few hours. i stay awake, with no naps or ANYTHING for 12 days. I also haven't eaten for 12 days. i dont feel hungry. every thing that smells like food make me want to puke. i worked in a deli. not happy. everyone starts noticing the bags under my eyes, the redness around them and i am getting really thin. then on day 13 i crash. i am at work and fall asleep standing. they send me home. i sleep for 2 days. no more of that. then a couple months later someone GIVES me a pill. a pill i have never tried. (3) Mescalin based. i figure one wont hurt. i take it. i feel nothing. i abused ecstasy, it doesnt do a thing. i dont care. people said i would hullusinate. i dont. so what. i am done with that! but what about...
Mushrooms, Shrooms(plant). i get a call one day from one of my friends "I'm on shrooms and trippen! come get me! we had made a deal to watch over each other. all of us did. so i go get him. he is standing in his yard in the rain, arms out, looking up. we laugh at him but tell him to get in. all the way home he is watching the rain hit my windsheild, telling me how pretty it is. we just laugh. we get to my apartment. he has more, he gives them up. Shane and i split them. ewwwwwwww they taste bad, so i dip them in peanut butter, not so bad. i give it 20 minutes and i am seeing colors, the tv is GLOWING the lights are coming out, it is cool. about an hour and a half into it i feel sick. i run to the bathroom but i am not sick. i am sitting there on the ground by the toilet, my face on the seat and the toilet water starts changing colors. i watch it for 10 minutes until someone comes and knocks on the door. "you ok mandy?" "yea... come here!" they open the door "why are you on the floor" and I say "lookit the colors!!! its soooo pretty" I keep seeing colors swirl around the toilet bowl, little lights chasing each other. he flushes the toilet. i cry. thats when i reazlize i want to be done with this trip. it is taking over, everything is too much for me. the tv is too loud, the couch is too hot, the kitchen is too bright. so i go to bed. i lay down and can't sleep. i close my eyes and it gets worse. things are flying all around my closed eyes. i get dizzy and open them. after an hour of that i realize i cant even move anymore. i call out to the others to carry me back out there. they cant really move either. find. i will sleep. after another hour i realize i have work in 5 hours. i need sleep. i start crying but it just wont stop. a friend comes to check on me while I cry. "whats wrong mandy?" I cry to him "everything, everything is wrong!" there is silence other than me crying until I say "I dont want to be here anymore!!" he says "where would you like to be?" "NO WHERE! I dont want to be anywhere I just want to die!!"I scream. he calmly says "mandy, you are coming down. you are ok, everything will be fine, just relax, and go to sleep." I want to scream I CAN'T! but i say ok. i dont sleep though. the trip lasts me 6 hours. i sleep 2 hours before an 8 hour shift at work. fuck shrooms. never again. but what about...
Salvia(plant). Now this drug is legal. you can get it at fine drugstores. i see the baggie, it says salvia x 60. I ask what it means. 60 extract. whatever. they tell me you rip it out of a bong. ok. they also say "as soon as you take the rip PUT THE BONG DOWN or you may break it. this works instantly" blah blah blah I roll my eyes. I can handle it. i am not a druggie newbie anymore. i rip it set the bong down, rolls my eyes and say "see I could handle....." and I am out! i see someone else take their toke and thats it. all the sudden I look at the tv and can't look away. then the tv sucks me in!!! so i figure, fuck it, dont get scared, enjoy it. so i start talking to the people inside the tv. TALKING to them, touching them... I was inside that tv show. then i got thrown back on the couch and these arms were holding me there. they let go. but there are walls coming out of the tv so i can't leave... WHY IS THE TV PICKING ON ME?!? I cant see anyone else and no one else can see me. i am gone forever. so i run through the wall in strait into the bathroom. i start crying, i am scared. i will never see anyone ever again. then i hear BOOM BOOM BOOM all on the wall. it just keeps BOOMing. and I hear some deep scary voice shouting my name. I stay quiet and keep crying. it stops. I crack open the door and see little cartoon like animails. like 5o of them, at my feet outside the door, I jump over them and run to my room. suddenly I feel sticky, not like sweat but like honey. I realize what i need to do. take my clothes off. so i do. and then i realize... oh shit, I am naked. and I think I may have peed on myself (still dunno for sure) so I walk back into the front room, cause I know I am done trippen. I sit next to shane and watch the tv. i feel sticky still so i rub my arm and OH MY GOD my arm started smearing. like when you take an eraser across something and it just kinda makes it fade a little and run off the line a little. no one noticed my arm smearing, so i try to get it back in place and I am just smearing my skin all over the place. i realize i must look pretty scary so i finally ask for help. i ask my friends to help me put my skin back on right. they all laugh and tell me i am fine, just trippin. oh great! I thought i was a pro. now, none of that REALLY happened. the BOOMing was my friend that took a rip too. he couldn't see the bathroom door cause of his trip. all he saw was wall, so he kept thumping it, looking for the door to find me. scary.
Those might not all be in the right order of how I did them. but I was doing e the whole time I was doing anything else. so I was doing that the longest, other than pot, which I dont count. the last time I did e was about 4 months ago. i really cleaned up cause of jarin, he turned my whole life around. I still smoke, but ever since Brandon Zerman's over dose of Solmas, Morphine, and Estasy I have vowed to never pill pop again. he was a good friend and I love and miss him. hope my stories of drugs will be enough for you all, even though I never tried, Speed aka shit, Heroine, Acid, Oxycotton, or Mescalin, I have got myself clean and I am done.
Be safe, be careful, be smart.
~Mandy
and honestly, if you are gonna do it, know about it first. find out how long the trip will last, what the trip will be like, what the come down will be like. and if you have any questions and have no where to turn, just ask me, I would rather you be safer, and knowledgable about what is going in your body.
this kid wants to know more about e so j told him to call me. I know I used to do that crap, especially e but I dont want to be known for it. yes yes you journaly readers, you for the most part didn't know this but... the year after my senior year (last year) I got really really really into drugs (dun dun dun) and really fucked up my life. I was just working enough to make my truck payment and buy drugs. wasn't even eating everyday cause I didn't have money. I just had drugs. I will break it down for you. just like this. it started with the famous gateway drug...
Marijuana, Pot, Mary Jane, Weed, Grass, and many more names(smoke). Yes, just like most other good druggies I started with weed. we would do it a couple times a week. smoke, kick back, relax, then grub up! then crash. take a nap and start back with the day. then it became a daily thing. so I was a "pothead" I would get home from work and smoke with my dealer, or other close friends every night. Then along came...
Cocaine, Coke, Yay, Yayo, Rocks(powder). It was brought into my famous -No parents! so party when I feel like it apartment- I said they could do it if they let me do some. they crushed the rock up and set it up on lines on my roommate/cousin's desk. she hadn't moved in yet. I watched a couple people roll up a dollar shove it in their nose's and vacuum up the white line of powder. my heart raced... what if I did it wrong or something? i put the dollar up my nose get down to the table take a breath, let it out and... SHIT! I breathed out and blew the line apart. they say no biggie... just dont breath out by the line again. they reset it. ok. I try again. all the powder isn't coming up so i am going all around the area, i still dont get it all so they reset it AGAIN into a little pile and tell me to just get it all at once. i do. this awful taste is in my mouth so i make a face. someone turns to me and says "thats the drips, dont spit it out, its the yay" ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! it was nasty. i get told i will get many drips, so have a drink. ok. its going fine but all i really notice is i can't feel my nose. i feel like i have stuff in my throat, i try to cough it up, but there is that taste again. shit. this is a drip. i gotta swallow. i do. ew. they say they are doing more, i dont feel anything so i say i am down. someone sets up the lines and we all start railing (snorting) them. then i see people wipe the table with one finger and rub it in their mouths. i get told these are "gummers" so i try it. you just rub coke on your gums and your mouth and throat get numb. so i dont really get coke, then come...
Zanix, Zanny bar, Zanny football(pills). These are a "soft core" drug. I come upon this pill, the person giving them to me doesn't have many, so they say crush it and rail it. i already did coke, so what the hell. i feel it almost instantly, and i even have a drink ready for those drips. i feel proud, like i really know what i am doing. Zannys make you feel kinda drunk, kinda happy, and WAY relaxed. we go to the hot tub and i am in heaven. i am getting used to the drips but loving the high. i am just going for the ride. Those were fun, and they aren't as bad as most things... its an ok thing. But even better were...
Solma(pills). These are another "soft core" drug. I take a few of these, and I am LOVING the drunk feeling, i can barely stand and walk, but i am having a great time. then it starts wearing off so people start railing them. i just started becoming a professional with Zannys, so i am confident and dont want to be left behind. so i start railing them too. i am so far gone now, but having a total blast. i totally decide that solmas are my TOTAL favorite until...
Ecstasy, E, X(pill). a harder drug, but i think i am really ready. i take a SPEED based pill. and wow... i am flying, i stay up all night talking, and i am not even tired the next day! i find out there is a lot to know about e, but my drug guide seems to know about everything. so i find out there are really 3 types of e pills. (1)Speed based, which pumps up your heart, matabolizm... and almost everything else. that was my favorite, i would just go for walks or talk to ANYONE. i even went to a hookah bar on e, and made so many friends! it made me the person i wished i could be. then i found (2)Heroine based e. this just makes you kick back in an almost sleep. you are fully awake, just REALLY drowsy, and you dont feel like moving or anything, but you are HAPPY. on any of these, someone lightly rubbing their fingers on you = heaven. i didnt like heroine based much, so i cant tell you as much about it. sleepy and happy. last but defintly NOT least. one night a bunch of us decide to do it. we buy everyones pills together, get to my apartment and split them. we have both speed and heroine based. we have a super speedy one. a pretty speedy one, and the heroine one. we pass them out to what people ordered and there are 4 left. speed based. i only bought one but... ok. so i take one. nothing. so i figure i have just used too much so i need more. i take one more. nothing. i have waited 45 minutes, just seeing other people trip. i am jealous. i take 2 more. so now i have 2 pretty speedy ones and 2 SUPER speedy ones. i feel like going to the hot tub, some of us walk over there and just float around. its awesome. then i dont feel good. we start the walk back i start puking. i stop, then just start back walking then i here "OH SHIT!" I turn around and one of my friends is standing by where i puked. then i hear. "Mandy, you aren't ok, you are puking blood." oh shit. my mind is racing. maybe i can puke the pills up? no i took them a couple hours before. oh god. i throw up blood for a few hours. i stay awake, with no naps or ANYTHING for 12 days. I also haven't eaten for 12 days. i dont feel hungry. every thing that smells like food make me want to puke. i worked in a deli. not happy. everyone starts noticing the bags under my eyes, the redness around them and i am getting really thin. then on day 13 i crash. i am at work and fall asleep standing. they send me home. i sleep for 2 days. no more of that. then a couple months later someone GIVES me a pill. a pill i have never tried. (3) Mescalin based. i figure one wont hurt. i take it. i feel nothing. i abused ecstasy, it doesnt do a thing. i dont care. people said i would hullusinate. i dont. so what. i am done with that! but what about...
Mushrooms, Shrooms(plant). i get a call one day from one of my friends "I'm on shrooms and trippen! come get me! we had made a deal to watch over each other. all of us did. so i go get him. he is standing in his yard in the rain, arms out, looking up. we laugh at him but tell him to get in. all the way home he is watching the rain hit my windsheild, telling me how pretty it is. we just laugh. we get to my apartment. he has more, he gives them up. Shane and i split them. ewwwwwwww they taste bad, so i dip them in peanut butter, not so bad. i give it 20 minutes and i am seeing colors, the tv is GLOWING the lights are coming out, it is cool. about an hour and a half into it i feel sick. i run to the bathroom but i am not sick. i am sitting there on the ground by the toilet, my face on the seat and the toilet water starts changing colors. i watch it for 10 minutes until someone comes and knocks on the door. "you ok mandy?" "yea... come here!" they open the door "why are you on the floor" and I say "lookit the colors!!! its soooo pretty" I keep seeing colors swirl around the toilet bowl, little lights chasing each other. he flushes the toilet. i cry. thats when i reazlize i want to be done with this trip. it is taking over, everything is too much for me. the tv is too loud, the couch is too hot, the kitchen is too bright. so i go to bed. i lay down and can't sleep. i close my eyes and it gets worse. things are flying all around my closed eyes. i get dizzy and open them. after an hour of that i realize i cant even move anymore. i call out to the others to carry me back out there. they cant really move either. find. i will sleep. after another hour i realize i have work in 5 hours. i need sleep. i start crying but it just wont stop. a friend comes to check on me while I cry. "whats wrong mandy?" I cry to him "everything, everything is wrong!" there is silence other than me crying until I say "I dont want to be here anymore!!" he says "where would you like to be?" "NO WHERE! I dont want to be anywhere I just want to die!!"I scream. he calmly says "mandy, you are coming down. you are ok, everything will be fine, just relax, and go to sleep." I want to scream I CAN'T! but i say ok. i dont sleep though. the trip lasts me 6 hours. i sleep 2 hours before an 8 hour shift at work. fuck shrooms. never again. but what about...
Salvia(plant). Now this drug is legal. you can get it at fine drugstores. i see the baggie, it says salvia x 60. I ask what it means. 60 extract. whatever. they tell me you rip it out of a bong. ok. they also say "as soon as you take the rip PUT THE BONG DOWN or you may break it. this works instantly" blah blah blah I roll my eyes. I can handle it. i am not a druggie newbie anymore. i rip it set the bong down, rolls my eyes and say "see I could handle....." and I am out! i see someone else take their toke and thats it. all the sudden I look at the tv and can't look away. then the tv sucks me in!!! so i figure, fuck it, dont get scared, enjoy it. so i start talking to the people inside the tv. TALKING to them, touching them... I was inside that tv show. then i got thrown back on the couch and these arms were holding me there. they let go. but there are walls coming out of the tv so i can't leave... WHY IS THE TV PICKING ON ME?!? I cant see anyone else and no one else can see me. i am gone forever. so i run through the wall in strait into the bathroom. i start crying, i am scared. i will never see anyone ever again. then i hear BOOM BOOM BOOM all on the wall. it just keeps BOOMing. and I hear some deep scary voice shouting my name. I stay quiet and keep crying. it stops. I crack open the door and see little cartoon like animails. like 5o of them, at my feet outside the door, I jump over them and run to my room. suddenly I feel sticky, not like sweat but like honey. I realize what i need to do. take my clothes off. so i do. and then i realize... oh shit, I am naked. and I think I may have peed on myself (still dunno for sure) so I walk back into the front room, cause I know I am done trippen. I sit next to shane and watch the tv. i feel sticky still so i rub my arm and OH MY GOD my arm started smearing. like when you take an eraser across something and it just kinda makes it fade a little and run off the line a little. no one noticed my arm smearing, so i try to get it back in place and I am just smearing my skin all over the place. i realize i must look pretty scary so i finally ask for help. i ask my friends to help me put my skin back on right. they all laugh and tell me i am fine, just trippin. oh great! I thought i was a pro. now, none of that REALLY happened. the BOOMing was my friend that took a rip too. he couldn't see the bathroom door cause of his trip. all he saw was wall, so he kept thumping it, looking for the door to find me. scary.
Those might not all be in the right order of how I did them. but I was doing e the whole time I was doing anything else. so I was doing that the longest, other than pot, which I dont count. the last time I did e was about 4 months ago. i really cleaned up cause of jarin, he turned my whole life around. I still smoke, but ever since Brandon Zerman's over dose of Solmas, Morphine, and Estasy I have vowed to never pill pop again. he was a good friend and I love and miss him. hope my stories of drugs will be enough for you all, even though I never tried, Speed aka shit, Heroine, Acid, Oxycotton, or Mescalin, I have got myself clean and I am done.
Be safe, be careful, be smart.
~Mandy
and honestly, if you are gonna do it, know about it first. find out how long the trip will last, what the trip will be like, what the come down will be like. and if you have any questions and have no where to turn, just ask me, I would rather you be safer, and knowledgable about what is going in your body.