Yes, I am a skank

[singlsexgoddess]

I slept with Derrick. I was drunk, and stoned. yes I've started smoking, it happens. just pot. get over it. dont bother telling my mother, my sister already did. Danielle hates me for sleeping with Derrick. So does Shane. He has no right. He dissappeared for 2 days after he promised he'd be back in 10 minutes. and that he wanted to sleep next to me (I dont like sleeping alone if I'm not in my bed) and he also wanted to talk to me. they were going to move jon jon's truck. jon jon and caitlyn came back 2 hours later and said they dropped Shane off at some girls house. I was devistated... and drunk... and faded. Derrick told me him and Danielle were over. then we kissed. it was nice. but I pulled away and said we shouldn't. we still did. The next day I asked brad to tell Shane to call me. he said he would. he didn't... the next day he got dropped from summer school... he missed 2 days to be with that girl. he finally came back to Aaron's one day and I asked if he still wanted to talk. he called me a slut and bitch and told me he hated me and didnt have anything else to say. Cody told me Shane said he "loved me as a friend but knew it was over, and only got back with me cause I hurt myself" thats odd... we got back together, then I ended it... everything was fine, I didnt hurt myself and we still got back together again. idk what that was about then... oh well. JP banned me from his house. pretty much for being a skank. oh well. he said I cause too much drama, all my drama has been Shane's drama too... why isn't he banned? because JP doesnt wanna sleep with him and get rejected. I've had sex with 2 different people (one of them more than once) in JPs house but I wont sleep with JP and now I'm banned... coincidence? I think not. I'm banned from Brent's too cause he hates me all because of some words that got twisted around. fuck. so pretty much I'm banned from my friends because of Shane. great. I'm still allowed at Aaron's. Thank god for Aaron, Sean, Deanna, Mel, and Thea... very good friends. they are the ones that will still be my friends even though I'm banned. I met a guy the same night I hooked up with Derrick. his name is David. I was totally getting into him, he was calling me everyday and stuff... he's in the marines so I drove down to San Diego yesterday to spend the night there and come back today. he came over to the Coronado house we have. he's a bad kisser, and he tried to uhm go a bit farther with me than I wanted to go. so things were awkward. we slept in the same bed together. if any of you have ever slept with me (ZzZzZz not sex) you know I dont like being close to someone when sleeping. it makes me too warm, and I dont like the stickiness of skin on skin. so I didn't sleep well as he latched on to me. in the morning he kept kissing me and stuff so I was like egh... we got some food, watched a movie and then I went home. He was telling everyone that I was his girlfriend and telling his mom he thought I was "the one" and that I'm "amazing" and all this. I'm like... shit... I dont want to get married thanks, I was just looking for some fun. so that sucks. and to be honest, the whole time I was thinking of Shane. I know he treated me bad and I fucked him over... but it was still fun when things were good. my mom made a list of the 5 things I'm doing that I shouldn't be 1) Hanging with that group 2) Drinking 3) Having sex (not that she thinks sex is bad, just that I have had too many partners recently) 4) Cutting and 5) Smoking. she said that I should "pick a couple and cut back on them" hmmm... do the 5 people I listed count as that group? they aren't the ones that upset me (brent, shane, jp and jon are) so.. if she wants me to cut those 4... I'll pick that one. I'm not going to stop drinking, smoking, or cutting.... because I dont want to. so no more sex or jp. fine.... no... just less... yes just cut back. hung out with Talia and Hugo tonight. I miss my theater friends... the friends I could have fun with sober. damn it. must call todd... I haven't talked to most of them since graduation. except Danielle (oiy) and Heather once. but heather was being kind of a... bitch... idk what it was she was just really snippy. oh well. I should get some sleep. long day tomorrow.

~*~Mandy~*~

P.S. this is my Shane song now... behind these hazle eyes...