(no subject)
"Tell me are you getting hurt, is it worth it? Tell me are the people strange, did they change? Tell me are you letting go, do you know? I'll tell you the truth if you tell me the truth..."
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This has been a weekend of fixing what was broken.
I sat down at some point last week and began to write an LJ about life. All that I managed to convey, however, was how stressed out and confused I was. I noted that for some strange reason I felt overly self-indulgent and neglected all at once, and that everything seemed to be wildly off-balance and totally out of my control. "I need to..." I began. Then I x'd the window. I got off my ass and began it.
I started by finally getting groceries. I was half-dazed with stress and persistent exhaustion by the time Mike took me to Giant Eagle, but nevertheless I managed to get most of the things I needed to get.
I came home with strawberries, oranges, broccoli, cheese, mushrooms, whole wheat bagels. I cannot describe the relief I felt as I stocked my empty fridge. I immediately poured myself milk and Grape Nuts, adorned them with honey and berries and ate them, relishing the taste of cold fresh food and remembering how it felt to be human.
I know this sounds odds, but I DON'T feel completely human if my diet begins to lack nourishment. Fast food is fun and scrounging is cheap but two weeks of either wreak havoc in my head. I need fruit. I need vegetables. I need freshly-cooked meals. Otherwise I start to feel listless and guilty, persistently unsatisfied, and increasingly strung out... which sucks. I don't appreciate me feeling that way, nor does anyone else.
So getting groceries was a huge help. I still eat plenty of college kid crap, but it makes a big difference in my life when I can appreciate and savour the meals I create. Yesterday I made a mouthwatering curry soup out of chicken broth, spinach, mushrooms, onions, garlic, and shavings of mozzarella... it was easy but satisfying. I felt warm and nourished are far less unhappy than I felt before I ate it.
None of this cullinary bliss, however, could have emerged without ridiculous cleaning. And by ridiculous cleaning I mean ridiculous. I mean I cleaned so much I ought to win an award.
It was not, of course, an overnight achievement. Cleaning was a major thing on my "reclaim yourself" to-do list this weekend. I made it a prioritiy because I've always known that prolonged preventable uncleanliness is a source of stress to me -- it generates inconveniences, raises concerns about hygiene, deteriorates health, and causes needless confusion in my life.
All of these things were obviously a problem, so I started with my room and went from there. THAT was easy -- I'm already pretty clean -- but I'd more or less let things fall apart with the advent of my exams. I thus dusted, vacuumed the floor, de-cluttered and cat-proofed in case the cat spent the night... good business. I also added a pretty new light in place of the weird orange one that died. It's really soothing and earthy-looking, and its soft white light makes my room seeem that much cleaner.
After cleaning my room, of course, I tackled the BIG stuff. The bathroom was a disaster, but I did not relent. I also did not relent against my kitchen, which I cleaned so completely I even cleaned my fridge. I mopped both kitchen and bathroom, did mountains of laundry, took out the recycling and emptied the trash... it was awesome. And with each simple act of cleaning I felt like it was getting easier to breathe. The only thing left to do now is clean our yucky shower and bath-tub... delightful. But no longer overwhelming considering how much progress I've made.
It's amazing how GOOD it feels to walk into the kitchen and be able to use whatever clean dishes I want on a clean stove to make some tasty dinner...
Cleaning and eating better thus accomplished, I moved on to wrapping up homework. And, to my amazement, I actually DID it. This is a daydream of college students. Usually it's impossible to get on top of things, but in light of recent exams I had less than usual, and thus I really did manage to accomplish everything that needed to be done. I organize my notes and even completed my assignments for the first day of each class this week. This means that I will have more free time this week to begin working ahead on my term paper. *smiles*
And so I am greatly satisfied after a lot of fixing what was dysfunctional. All that boring stuff is not the only stress-reducing stuff I did, though; I drove Hina's car out and GOT A NEW BETTA, went to an awesome cabaret show for Voice, snuck into Diwali for a free Indian dinner, organized ritual supplies with my Grove, went to a Mexican restaurant with Frankie, stayed up with Hina 'til way too late, went to Byzantium to look at stuff with Nick, went to Jack & Benny's this morning with my housemates, went running and otherwise worked out with Weifei, ran briefly into Anjali at the library, and began the GSP. I also fell in love with a new place (Sullivant) and some new songs (like Ben Lee's "Gamble Everything For Love.")
Now my gorgeous bettas and I are happily yawning about to go to sleep...
====
This has been a weekend of fixing what was broken.
I sat down at some point last week and began to write an LJ about life. All that I managed to convey, however, was how stressed out and confused I was. I noted that for some strange reason I felt overly self-indulgent and neglected all at once, and that everything seemed to be wildly off-balance and totally out of my control. "I need to..." I began. Then I x'd the window. I got off my ass and began it.
I started by finally getting groceries. I was half-dazed with stress and persistent exhaustion by the time Mike took me to Giant Eagle, but nevertheless I managed to get most of the things I needed to get.
I came home with strawberries, oranges, broccoli, cheese, mushrooms, whole wheat bagels. I cannot describe the relief I felt as I stocked my empty fridge. I immediately poured myself milk and Grape Nuts, adorned them with honey and berries and ate them, relishing the taste of cold fresh food and remembering how it felt to be human.
I know this sounds odds, but I DON'T feel completely human if my diet begins to lack nourishment. Fast food is fun and scrounging is cheap but two weeks of either wreak havoc in my head. I need fruit. I need vegetables. I need freshly-cooked meals. Otherwise I start to feel listless and guilty, persistently unsatisfied, and increasingly strung out... which sucks. I don't appreciate me feeling that way, nor does anyone else.
So getting groceries was a huge help. I still eat plenty of college kid crap, but it makes a big difference in my life when I can appreciate and savour the meals I create. Yesterday I made a mouthwatering curry soup out of chicken broth, spinach, mushrooms, onions, garlic, and shavings of mozzarella... it was easy but satisfying. I felt warm and nourished are far less unhappy than I felt before I ate it.
None of this cullinary bliss, however, could have emerged without ridiculous cleaning. And by ridiculous cleaning I mean ridiculous. I mean I cleaned so much I ought to win an award.
It was not, of course, an overnight achievement. Cleaning was a major thing on my "reclaim yourself" to-do list this weekend. I made it a prioritiy because I've always known that prolonged preventable uncleanliness is a source of stress to me -- it generates inconveniences, raises concerns about hygiene, deteriorates health, and causes needless confusion in my life.
All of these things were obviously a problem, so I started with my room and went from there. THAT was easy -- I'm already pretty clean -- but I'd more or less let things fall apart with the advent of my exams. I thus dusted, vacuumed the floor, de-cluttered and cat-proofed in case the cat spent the night... good business. I also added a pretty new light in place of the weird orange one that died. It's really soothing and earthy-looking, and its soft white light makes my room seeem that much cleaner.
After cleaning my room, of course, I tackled the BIG stuff. The bathroom was a disaster, but I did not relent. I also did not relent against my kitchen, which I cleaned so completely I even cleaned my fridge. I mopped both kitchen and bathroom, did mountains of laundry, took out the recycling and emptied the trash... it was awesome. And with each simple act of cleaning I felt like it was getting easier to breathe. The only thing left to do now is clean our yucky shower and bath-tub... delightful. But no longer overwhelming considering how much progress I've made.
It's amazing how GOOD it feels to walk into the kitchen and be able to use whatever clean dishes I want on a clean stove to make some tasty dinner...
Cleaning and eating better thus accomplished, I moved on to wrapping up homework. And, to my amazement, I actually DID it. This is a daydream of college students. Usually it's impossible to get on top of things, but in light of recent exams I had less than usual, and thus I really did manage to accomplish everything that needed to be done. I organize my notes and even completed my assignments for the first day of each class this week. This means that I will have more free time this week to begin working ahead on my term paper. *smiles*
And so I am greatly satisfied after a lot of fixing what was dysfunctional. All that boring stuff is not the only stress-reducing stuff I did, though; I drove Hina's car out and GOT A NEW BETTA, went to an awesome cabaret show for Voice, snuck into Diwali for a free Indian dinner, organized ritual supplies with my Grove, went to a Mexican restaurant with Frankie, stayed up with Hina 'til way too late, went to Byzantium to look at stuff with Nick, went to Jack & Benny's this morning with my housemates, went running and otherwise worked out with Weifei, ran briefly into Anjali at the library, and began the GSP. I also fell in love with a new place (Sullivant) and some new songs (like Ben Lee's "Gamble Everything For Love.")
Now my gorgeous bettas and I are happily yawning about to go to sleep...