(no subject)
I just wasted an hour desperately bailing out Indy's tank. Not only was it filthy and completely crudded up with dissolving food chunks, but it gave the whole of Oakland a very unpleasant aquatic reek. Apparently this happened because Anjali completely disregarded Ashley's profuse instructions, and just dumped a bunch of food directly into the tank instead of putting him in his food-tub to eat. In the space of the day these floating pellets transformed into an appalling soup of half-dissolved food chunks and brown water, the likes of which no self-respecting turtle would ever want to be seen in. I would have attempted to scoop them out last night had I not wound up coming home so late, annoyed and bent on catching at least an hour of sleep despite the party next door. I had just had a very good time mind you -- who WOULDN'T want to hot-tub with Misty and Mike? -- but all in all it wound up being another virtually sleepless night.
This morning I did not have the heart to wake up for the presentation I really wanted to see. I felt so tired and unhappy... I wanted to get LOTS of sleep, not just a hint of it. But sleep still eludes me in a frustrating way.
I got up to water my plants, my one consistent moment of happiness every morning. I'm not sure why, but having something living and breathing and reliant on me to nurture seems immensely important right now. It is heart-warming to see small leaves unfolding, and oddly life-affirming to sometimes see them surrender gracefully back into the dirt. Plants and I are mutually independent creatures, but we need just enough of each other to make our relationship even.
Anyway, I then lay back down to bed with the desire to try to catch an hour more of sleep. The next presentation in the library convention wasn't interesting to me so I decided to skip it. As soon as I closed my eyes, though, my thoughts unexpectedly started racing, and I find myself so malcontent I quickly had to push myself out of bed. I attempted to take a hot shower, but once again the water was luke warm.
I then amused myself dressing up a little while singing along to music. I like to dress up from time to time, but I do it especially when I'm feeling bad. Odds are that when I appear the most polished I am probably the most falling apart, and that when I appear the most alert and engaging I am actually feeling the most tired and sick. I do this because when people TELL me I look tired and sick they unintentionally make me believe it, or at least force me to remember the weakness I am trying to ignore. I feel much braver and stronger when I see a bright face, well-combed hair, and nice clothes in the mirror, rather than dark under-eye circles, nap-tangled hair, and scrubby pajamas. There's something about looking competent that makes me be competent, much in the way I am able to feel and act more athletic when I'm dressed accordingly. Dress is a powerful thing to me. It is also quite fun.
Anyway, I went to the library and eventually found the conference room I wanted to be in. The lecture I sat in on was interesting, but also WAY out of my league... I do not and cannot pretend to speak Greek nor have any understanding of its linguistic idiosyncracies. I had hoped that the comparisons between the Odyssey and Orphic lamellas would be somewhat more literary in nature, as opposed to the nitty-gritty grammatical comparison of various arguably similar verbs. Ah well, it was still kind of cool. It's just a shame I had no idea you actually ARE supposed to dress up for these; I wore cruddy-ass flip-flops along with my dressier top because I wasn't really dressing up for anythin. I was also probably the youngest person in that room by 20 years, and received many uncertain or calculating looks from the people around me.
This, of course, did not discourage me... I still want to go to more lectures later. However, I did feel frustrated by my complete waste of time this morning. I had meant to go to the cool 915 one, use the next break for an hour of two or studying, go to the next one, etc. What did I do? Lie in bed failing to sleep instead of getting up, half dress up but still wind up there under-dressed, and then sit it on a lecture that only half-made sense and ran way over time. I then came home to Oakland because it was actually cold on the Oval and not to pleasant for studying, but then I of course wound up fighting with Indy's tank instead of doing accounting. I got a lot done yesterday so I'm still on track, but it's frustrating how nice I imagined today would be when it simply hasn't been.
Ah well, I got to use my bitching allotment here and now need to go... the goal is to get at least one solid uninterrupted hour of studying in before I head back out to the library.
This morning I did not have the heart to wake up for the presentation I really wanted to see. I felt so tired and unhappy... I wanted to get LOTS of sleep, not just a hint of it. But sleep still eludes me in a frustrating way.
I got up to water my plants, my one consistent moment of happiness every morning. I'm not sure why, but having something living and breathing and reliant on me to nurture seems immensely important right now. It is heart-warming to see small leaves unfolding, and oddly life-affirming to sometimes see them surrender gracefully back into the dirt. Plants and I are mutually independent creatures, but we need just enough of each other to make our relationship even.
Anyway, I then lay back down to bed with the desire to try to catch an hour more of sleep. The next presentation in the library convention wasn't interesting to me so I decided to skip it. As soon as I closed my eyes, though, my thoughts unexpectedly started racing, and I find myself so malcontent I quickly had to push myself out of bed. I attempted to take a hot shower, but once again the water was luke warm.
I then amused myself dressing up a little while singing along to music. I like to dress up from time to time, but I do it especially when I'm feeling bad. Odds are that when I appear the most polished I am probably the most falling apart, and that when I appear the most alert and engaging I am actually feeling the most tired and sick. I do this because when people TELL me I look tired and sick they unintentionally make me believe it, or at least force me to remember the weakness I am trying to ignore. I feel much braver and stronger when I see a bright face, well-combed hair, and nice clothes in the mirror, rather than dark under-eye circles, nap-tangled hair, and scrubby pajamas. There's something about looking competent that makes me be competent, much in the way I am able to feel and act more athletic when I'm dressed accordingly. Dress is a powerful thing to me. It is also quite fun.
Anyway, I went to the library and eventually found the conference room I wanted to be in. The lecture I sat in on was interesting, but also WAY out of my league... I do not and cannot pretend to speak Greek nor have any understanding of its linguistic idiosyncracies. I had hoped that the comparisons between the Odyssey and Orphic lamellas would be somewhat more literary in nature, as opposed to the nitty-gritty grammatical comparison of various arguably similar verbs. Ah well, it was still kind of cool. It's just a shame I had no idea you actually ARE supposed to dress up for these; I wore cruddy-ass flip-flops along with my dressier top because I wasn't really dressing up for anythin. I was also probably the youngest person in that room by 20 years, and received many uncertain or calculating looks from the people around me.
This, of course, did not discourage me... I still want to go to more lectures later. However, I did feel frustrated by my complete waste of time this morning. I had meant to go to the cool 915 one, use the next break for an hour of two or studying, go to the next one, etc. What did I do? Lie in bed failing to sleep instead of getting up, half dress up but still wind up there under-dressed, and then sit it on a lecture that only half-made sense and ran way over time. I then came home to Oakland because it was actually cold on the Oval and not to pleasant for studying, but then I of course wound up fighting with Indy's tank instead of doing accounting. I got a lot done yesterday so I'm still on track, but it's frustrating how nice I imagined today would be when it simply hasn't been.
Ah well, I got to use my bitching allotment here and now need to go... the goal is to get at least one solid uninterrupted hour of studying in before I head back out to the library.