Interesting thoughts...
Isn't it strange how having nothing left to lose can give you a new perspective...a positive perspective, at that. I finally reached a point several months ago where it seems I burst free of the cocoon, and I came forth a beautiful, multi-colored, radiant butterfly. That may sound conceded, and once upon a time I would have cared that someone would take it that way, but at this point I won't let what someone else thinks change my own feelings or make me question myself. I have been meaning to update, truly update for a while, and I have the time, so I will start...
In April, I found myself isolated, my friends nowhere in sight, and completely unsure as to what I had done. Honestly, in some cases I am still confused...the difference is, now I just don't care, confused or not. It is not that I don't care about the people, but I can not change what has happened, and it is what it is. Anyway, I found myself very alone. I met a girl named Jayme, and ended up needing a place to stay, and she needed a car, so I moved in. I find myself living in a tin box full of hair...and fleas, lol. In the beginning, I was still superficial and judgmental. The first thing I noticed when I sat down in Jayme's room was that people had written all over walls. The first thing I read (misspelled, lol) was BE URSELF OR ELSE! I have never been fake here...the masks are never up, as a matter of fact the masks have been burned. Jayme has helped me, her mom Nola, as well have changed my perspective on people, on life, on everything...even myself. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for yourself. In my case, I needed to forgive myself...love myself...stop self destructing.
I am happy...truly happy. I have inner peace. I live in a a tin can full of hair, I work as a carhop at Sonic, and I am barely scraping by, but I have family that expects me to be nothing more than myself. They love me for me, and most importantly...I love me.
Since April, I have had many, many new life experiences. My mind has been opened in so many ways...and I get it. I have grown so much. I have been traveling, getting out and doing stuff, and just having fun. Life is gone in a blink of an eye, so why waste any of that in bitter regret, self loathing, bullshit? I love my kids. I miss my kids. I also realize that life doesn't always turn out like you planned. I did things I am not proud of...we all do. I do not regret any of it...as stupid as it was it made me who am I today, and I wouldn't trade me for the world!
In April, I found myself isolated, my friends nowhere in sight, and completely unsure as to what I had done. Honestly, in some cases I am still confused...the difference is, now I just don't care, confused or not. It is not that I don't care about the people, but I can not change what has happened, and it is what it is. Anyway, I found myself very alone. I met a girl named Jayme, and ended up needing a place to stay, and she needed a car, so I moved in. I find myself living in a tin box full of hair...and fleas, lol. In the beginning, I was still superficial and judgmental. The first thing I noticed when I sat down in Jayme's room was that people had written all over walls. The first thing I read (misspelled, lol) was BE URSELF OR ELSE! I have never been fake here...the masks are never up, as a matter of fact the masks have been burned. Jayme has helped me, her mom Nola, as well have changed my perspective on people, on life, on everything...even myself. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for yourself. In my case, I needed to forgive myself...love myself...stop self destructing.
I am happy...truly happy. I have inner peace. I live in a a tin can full of hair, I work as a carhop at Sonic, and I am barely scraping by, but I have family that expects me to be nothing more than myself. They love me for me, and most importantly...I love me.
Since April, I have had many, many new life experiences. My mind has been opened in so many ways...and I get it. I have grown so much. I have been traveling, getting out and doing stuff, and just having fun. Life is gone in a blink of an eye, so why waste any of that in bitter regret, self loathing, bullshit? I love my kids. I miss my kids. I also realize that life doesn't always turn out like you planned. I did things I am not proud of...we all do. I do not regret any of it...as stupid as it was it made me who am I today, and I wouldn't trade me for the world!