(no subject)

[singingstranger]

so today i sang at the JCC with my friend Zac. I sing there with a group of down sydrome kids. Two of the kids out of the group sang with zac and i and it was really somethin. I mean, these kids put their all into their art and this is the only opportunity for them to showcase themselves. i think it's great. i mean it's just beautiful. The kid i sang with was david and lemme tell ya, he's a trip. he had his hands out towards the crowd, his fist in the air. it was amazing. we sang a love song and whenever i'd sing he'd just look at me with awe, and i thought it was so sweet. He even gave me flowers after we performed. Leanne and Allysa came which was AWESOME! Thanx guys! so this zac kid i've sang with a couple times and everytime after we sing his parents come up to take pictures, but they aren't the "you guys just performed together" pictures. They're more the "you guys look so good together. why don't yall fall in love" pictures. it makes me kinda uncomfortable. like after the concert, he gave me RED roses! red roses means love! lol. yikes. his parents prolly made him. which makes it even weirder. i feel like i'm back in the olden days when there were arranged marriages. bleh..... so.... can i just say how much i miss my old best friend mark. i'm just gonna be blunt about it because every single entry i started this year has been about him. lol. or at least mostly about him. i really fucked him over. like you can't get much worse than what i did. i just realized too late ya kno? i can't excuse it. i can't change it. i just have to deal. like i said, to every decision there's a consequence. well, i got my consequence alright. in my defense tho, everything i said and told him was true. i meant everything. he really is the first and last person i wanna tlk to. i hate how things ended and i wanna restart so bad... you have no idea. this entire summer that's all i've wanted to do. just say fuck everybody. but i'm a fuckin wimp and chickened out when i had my chance. i wish i could say "better late than never" but that doesn't fit for this. it just sux. i hurt him really bad and all i can do is just hope and pray for the day when he's ready to be my friend again. if you read this i'm so sry for everything. you mean the world to me and i'll be there if or when you choose to be my friend again. i love you 2 dw!

"I would dial the numbers Just to listen to your breath
I would stand inside my hell And hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go To ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give
Or how much I can take
Just to reach you, just to reach you, oh to reach you ohhh....
come to my window. crawl inside, wait by the light.
come to my window, i'll be home soon."