nothing is the same.
So things have been a little off kilter lately.
I have a feeling Sarah is upset with me, and it sucks. Arailia I guess treated her like crap at work, and it's probably all my fault. I just wanted things to be fair for everyone, and I didn't even say that much. I don't know where Arailia got the whole reading entries thing, as that never really came up in conversation. That and I didn't even think Sarah wrote in LiveJouranl anymore. I just wanted to tell Arailia not to get so upset about stuff, and people helping. It wasn't fair that it seemed like certain people got treated differently and were expected to do more. I felt that Sarah was in a Catch 22 and I just wanted to help and it feels like I get kicked in the ass for it. My intentions were really good, I swear. I shouldn't have said anything, I know, but I was just trying to help! I guess I gave Arailia too much credit on being civil about some things. Encore is just one big pile of drama lately.
If you still read these Sarah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said a single fucking word, even with good intentions. If you read this, understand that I didn't mean to fuck you over.
Fast forward to last night. I hung out with Blackie, Nick, Adam, Beardy and some guy named "Bebo". I never learned his real name but all I know is he's fucking hilarious. Josh and Shannon were there too, and we all ended up going to DNA, and I think it's pretty safe to assume I'm never getting carded anywhere in this city. I was told it was ladies night at DNA, and the bouncer didn't do shit. No more worries, I can get shitfaced anywhere I want now. Thank god.
After a while Blackie, Nick and Adam did their own thing, and Beardy, Bebo guy and I went back to the apartment to shoot the shit. We raced back to the apartment and I thought they were going to beat me because Bebo's truck is a million times better than my car will ever be, but I ended up flying down Peters Ave. across Johnson going about 45 mph and caught a yellow light and saw them waiting on Johnson. I'm pretty sure everyone shit their pants, but a race is a fucking race. Needless to say I won.
And I didn't get to sleep until 7:30am this morning... and woke up at 11:30. I have a meeting at St. Francis at 3:30 and I have to leave soon but all I wanna do is sleep... ugh. I should probably try to stay up all day because I have to work this weekend, which means I have to be up at ridiculous hours of the morning. I hate first shift. A lot.
I just got over what could possibly be the worst cold I've ever had in my life. Overdosed on DayQuil and NiQuil. I've been a zombie the past four days.
A part of me wants to stop writing in this because of all the bull shit that Sarah is experiencing. I just don't get why people can't leave others be. It seems that like she said, people are judging her by the content of her journals, but dude it's a fucking journal. Don't read it if you don't like what you see. Why judge someone who chooses to write an archive of entries as an outlet instead of freaking out on everyone? Live and let live.
I think I'm finally starting to get over Chris. He's just so different now, like he's not the same person anymore. I can still see traces of the old Chris there, they shine out occasionally. But it seems like he's covered that up, and it's really disheartening. And surprisingly, someone else brought this to my attention randomly. I thought about it, and it kind of seems true. I just hope that he's happy doing whatever he's doing now. If him and Stefanie are together or whatever, I've finally come to terms with it and if they're happy, more power to them. As much as I would still like to have a second chance with Chris, maybe he's finding something in her that I couldn't give him during our relationship. I guess the concept of getting back together with him has pretty much disintegrated. I hope someday maybe things can work out, like he originally said, in a year or two years or whatever. Maybe we'll bump into each other. Maybe none of that will happen. Time changes, people change, nothing ever stays the same. Time's the only constant, and it's the only true decision maker, or healer. It still stings when I think about Stefanie, not because of whatever they have now, but because I feel like I lost a friend over what happened. I trusted her, and it ended up being betrayed. I can forgive but it's almost impossible to forget. Most importantly, I miss a friendship with Christopher. I miss the conversations we used to have, I haven't been able to find anyone else to have those kind of conversations with.. they were so filled with this overzealous passion... No one else has been able to teach me about the stars the way he did. No one could rattle off constellations and positions in the sky and theories and everything. I hope that with time maybe we could get that back, if anything. Late night coffees pondering the universe. It can all be summed up with I hope he finds whatever he's looking for. It seemed like he was searching for something when we first got together, and maybe he's closer to finding it now. I hope he's happyier for it. All I know is that despite our lack of conversation, and the inability to get him for coffee, if he ever needed anything I'd still be there. I've been told that's bullshit and stupid, but I stand firm on that. We could go a whole year without muttering a single word to each other, and he could call me out of the blue needing a jump start with his car and I'd drop everything and grab the cables out of my car. Something stupid like that. Whatever.
I feel sick, and I think it's from lack of sleep today. Ugh. Off to my meeting.
I have a feeling Sarah is upset with me, and it sucks. Arailia I guess treated her like crap at work, and it's probably all my fault. I just wanted things to be fair for everyone, and I didn't even say that much. I don't know where Arailia got the whole reading entries thing, as that never really came up in conversation. That and I didn't even think Sarah wrote in LiveJouranl anymore. I just wanted to tell Arailia not to get so upset about stuff, and people helping. It wasn't fair that it seemed like certain people got treated differently and were expected to do more. I felt that Sarah was in a Catch 22 and I just wanted to help and it feels like I get kicked in the ass for it. My intentions were really good, I swear. I shouldn't have said anything, I know, but I was just trying to help! I guess I gave Arailia too much credit on being civil about some things. Encore is just one big pile of drama lately.
If you still read these Sarah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said a single fucking word, even with good intentions. If you read this, understand that I didn't mean to fuck you over.
Fast forward to last night. I hung out with Blackie, Nick, Adam, Beardy and some guy named "Bebo". I never learned his real name but all I know is he's fucking hilarious. Josh and Shannon were there too, and we all ended up going to DNA, and I think it's pretty safe to assume I'm never getting carded anywhere in this city. I was told it was ladies night at DNA, and the bouncer didn't do shit. No more worries, I can get shitfaced anywhere I want now. Thank god.
After a while Blackie, Nick and Adam did their own thing, and Beardy, Bebo guy and I went back to the apartment to shoot the shit. We raced back to the apartment and I thought they were going to beat me because Bebo's truck is a million times better than my car will ever be, but I ended up flying down Peters Ave. across Johnson going about 45 mph and caught a yellow light and saw them waiting on Johnson. I'm pretty sure everyone shit their pants, but a race is a fucking race. Needless to say I won.
And I didn't get to sleep until 7:30am this morning... and woke up at 11:30. I have a meeting at St. Francis at 3:30 and I have to leave soon but all I wanna do is sleep... ugh. I should probably try to stay up all day because I have to work this weekend, which means I have to be up at ridiculous hours of the morning. I hate first shift. A lot.
I just got over what could possibly be the worst cold I've ever had in my life. Overdosed on DayQuil and NiQuil. I've been a zombie the past four days.
A part of me wants to stop writing in this because of all the bull shit that Sarah is experiencing. I just don't get why people can't leave others be. It seems that like she said, people are judging her by the content of her journals, but dude it's a fucking journal. Don't read it if you don't like what you see. Why judge someone who chooses to write an archive of entries as an outlet instead of freaking out on everyone? Live and let live.
I think I'm finally starting to get over Chris. He's just so different now, like he's not the same person anymore. I can still see traces of the old Chris there, they shine out occasionally. But it seems like he's covered that up, and it's really disheartening. And surprisingly, someone else brought this to my attention randomly. I thought about it, and it kind of seems true. I just hope that he's happy doing whatever he's doing now. If him and Stefanie are together or whatever, I've finally come to terms with it and if they're happy, more power to them. As much as I would still like to have a second chance with Chris, maybe he's finding something in her that I couldn't give him during our relationship. I guess the concept of getting back together with him has pretty much disintegrated. I hope someday maybe things can work out, like he originally said, in a year or two years or whatever. Maybe we'll bump into each other. Maybe none of that will happen. Time changes, people change, nothing ever stays the same. Time's the only constant, and it's the only true decision maker, or healer. It still stings when I think about Stefanie, not because of whatever they have now, but because I feel like I lost a friend over what happened. I trusted her, and it ended up being betrayed. I can forgive but it's almost impossible to forget. Most importantly, I miss a friendship with Christopher. I miss the conversations we used to have, I haven't been able to find anyone else to have those kind of conversations with.. they were so filled with this overzealous passion... No one else has been able to teach me about the stars the way he did. No one could rattle off constellations and positions in the sky and theories and everything. I hope that with time maybe we could get that back, if anything. Late night coffees pondering the universe. It can all be summed up with I hope he finds whatever he's looking for. It seemed like he was searching for something when we first got together, and maybe he's closer to finding it now. I hope he's happyier for it. All I know is that despite our lack of conversation, and the inability to get him for coffee, if he ever needed anything I'd still be there. I've been told that's bullshit and stupid, but I stand firm on that. We could go a whole year without muttering a single word to each other, and he could call me out of the blue needing a jump start with his car and I'd drop everything and grab the cables out of my car. Something stupid like that. Whatever.
I feel sick, and I think it's from lack of sleep today. Ugh. Off to my meeting.