(no subject)
Hello...
I find it funny that whenever i should be reflecting on my life most and whenever i am in the most pain i try to emotinally harden myself by looking at other's Livejournals. Its weird because i don't think i even read them (no offense or anything)I just try to keep as busy as possible so i dont have to think. If i think i may decide and if i decide i could always go through the same circle i tend to like to follow because appartently i am unable to make a real, mature decision. It really has never been my storng point. I make little half decisions. And eventually someone decideds for me and since i am a reletivly easy going person i stick by their opinion.
I am not hurting right now, i just feel hollow. I think i wrote an entry very similar to this around november (whether or not it was my real diary i can't remember). I think thats a sign that things arent changing, they arent going to change, and sometimes when im in a "good mood" i can lie to myself and make everything seem better then it is. Once again nothing made sense to anyone, which is why i should be writing in my real diary, and yet i find that since i can't scream out exactly what i am feeling loud enough, maybe this is the next best thing. urgh...
<3 a confused and tired Ashley
I find it funny that whenever i should be reflecting on my life most and whenever i am in the most pain i try to emotinally harden myself by looking at other's Livejournals. Its weird because i don't think i even read them (no offense or anything)I just try to keep as busy as possible so i dont have to think. If i think i may decide and if i decide i could always go through the same circle i tend to like to follow because appartently i am unable to make a real, mature decision. It really has never been my storng point. I make little half decisions. And eventually someone decideds for me and since i am a reletivly easy going person i stick by their opinion.
I am not hurting right now, i just feel hollow. I think i wrote an entry very similar to this around november (whether or not it was my real diary i can't remember). I think thats a sign that things arent changing, they arent going to change, and sometimes when im in a "good mood" i can lie to myself and make everything seem better then it is. Once again nothing made sense to anyone, which is why i should be writing in my real diary, and yet i find that since i can't scream out exactly what i am feeling loud enough, maybe this is the next best thing. urgh...
<3 a confused and tired Ashley