We are ALWAYS on parallels. Thank you.
People are still in a state of paralysis with the changes that have been happening over the last year and a half. There have been huge upheavals for everyone and how that affects everybody -- whether you have a job or not -- is that if we define power as being able to generate money or material things, you have got a whole lot of men out there who are powerless. So how is that going to play itself out behind closed doors? There’s a strain that’s going to be put on lovers -- gay, straight, bi, whatever it is -- because its power that is the aphrodisiac in the bedroom. So it’s how we define power. And what we are attracted to. Because if we’re attracted to somebody who has to have power over us and demean us, then we have to start asking ourselves, “Wait a minute. What is that in me that’s turned on by that?” Then it takes me to the idea of a spiritual eroticism.
For so long the idea of dangerous and sexy has been associated with profanity and demeaning behavior and somehow being subjugated because we’re not allowed to have the dangerous, erotic relationship with our partner who respects us. My husband is a big preacher of this: why is it that men who really want to value their partners are not thought of as sexy and hot? We will talk about the fact that some guy who has naked women on his Blackberry seems to be real desirable with everybody -- men and women -- instead of a guy who says, “I’m not going to take your picture and show everybody. I’m going to take your picture because I want you! And why isn’t it enough that I want you? Why isn’t that hot?” So it’s been really exploring and marrying these different ideas of can you be in control while you have gold handcuffs on? And what is demeaning and what isn’t? The key is power. The definition of power.
So it’s interesting to think about how we then become empowered -- especially when even in 2009 giving someone a blow job is still seen as a potentially evil thing. It’s ridiculous.
Exactly. It’s how we’ve been programmed to define sin.
It’s really what I’m fascinated by. What the patriarchy has judged as sinful and we say, “OK! All right!” The power that the patriarchy has had on our self-worth is so insidious and to me it’s why there are so many affairs. Because once you walk into marriage --some kind of commitment with somebody -- then the illicit, natural side of our nature gets amputated. If you’re trying to be a good parent, then there’s the idea of, “What happened to that side of me that used to be a passionate creature?”
It doesn’t die. Or it shouldn’t.
Yes. And why do you need to have some kind of experience where you destroy your life to realize, “Wait a minute. I really liked that I liked this person.” But why all of a sudden instead of being able to -- or wanting to -- do this with them I end up doing it with a stranger who doesn’t know me, who doesn’t care about me. If I’m in trouble or if I’m sick they’re out the fucking door. If the champagne is there -- they are there --
But what is that?
What is that? Like you said -- we are programmed for so long that sexy is out there somewhere [motions to the room] and sacred is in here somewhere [motions to chest] and you’re never going to have sexy and sacred in a relationship together. And I think it does depend on who you’re with, but I think you really have to work hard to break those programs because they’re so entrenched.