(no subject)
It's amazing how different it is when you walk into a house that you were so familiar with and the person you cared for has passed away. The whole aura of the house has changed. It's really depressing. I'm at a loss for words right now. I'm house-sitting while the family is at the funeral.
Life is on a hiatus right now. I'm torn between so many different factors. I start the Retirement Center Wednesday. I have a whole workload from Synergy right now and I start classes back up Monday. I'll be going to school, Monday-Friday next semester. Hopefully stress and the winter blues stays at a minimum. I already have it extremely bad. I slept for two days straight and refused to leave my room. I'm wondering where has life taken me? I called Linda up last night and she told me she went to the ER twice last week. I'm super depressed because from the sounds of it, she isn't going good. She was bleeding from her mouth and nose extremely bad. I'm worried but there isn't anything I can do to help. All I can do is sit and pray. And now that I've started this new job, God only knows when I'll be up next.
As for other aspects of my life, I want to cut so many people out. I'm sick of the drama or the bullshit that comes along with certain people. Memories are nice, but I've changed since I've moved down here. I'm trying to better myself, why do I want friends who drag me down? More or less, I'm so uninterested with having male friends, it's not even funny. I don't want a relationship right now. I'm with Chris, but it has it's ups and downs. I think it's just the winter blues that causes him to get on my nerves. I just keep telling myself to relax and breathe. I just feel like he is so selfish when it comes to emotional needs. Like he knew I had to work at 4 am. So he calls me and 12:30am and gets pissed because I don't want to talk. And then one night we were fooling around and he wanted me to give him head. I said no, but he kept pushing it towards my mouth. He's lucky I didn't just bite the damn thing. He gets upset over stupid shit and I'm usually in a bad mood anyways, so it just aggravates it. I did lay down the law. I told him he was someone who I can kick to the curb easily and to not test my patience. My friends will always be there, he won't. He relaxed on that idea real fast. But now there is tension because every little thing makes him think I'm going to leave. I wish he would just drop his insecurities and just fucking man-up. UGH. I don't know, I just needed to rant about it.
Life is on a hiatus right now. I'm torn between so many different factors. I start the Retirement Center Wednesday. I have a whole workload from Synergy right now and I start classes back up Monday. I'll be going to school, Monday-Friday next semester. Hopefully stress and the winter blues stays at a minimum. I already have it extremely bad. I slept for two days straight and refused to leave my room. I'm wondering where has life taken me? I called Linda up last night and she told me she went to the ER twice last week. I'm super depressed because from the sounds of it, she isn't going good. She was bleeding from her mouth and nose extremely bad. I'm worried but there isn't anything I can do to help. All I can do is sit and pray. And now that I've started this new job, God only knows when I'll be up next.
As for other aspects of my life, I want to cut so many people out. I'm sick of the drama or the bullshit that comes along with certain people. Memories are nice, but I've changed since I've moved down here. I'm trying to better myself, why do I want friends who drag me down? More or less, I'm so uninterested with having male friends, it's not even funny. I don't want a relationship right now. I'm with Chris, but it has it's ups and downs. I think it's just the winter blues that causes him to get on my nerves. I just keep telling myself to relax and breathe. I just feel like he is so selfish when it comes to emotional needs. Like he knew I had to work at 4 am. So he calls me and 12:30am and gets pissed because I don't want to talk. And then one night we were fooling around and he wanted me to give him head. I said no, but he kept pushing it towards my mouth. He's lucky I didn't just bite the damn thing. He gets upset over stupid shit and I'm usually in a bad mood anyways, so it just aggravates it. I did lay down the law. I told him he was someone who I can kick to the curb easily and to not test my patience. My friends will always be there, he won't. He relaxed on that idea real fast. But now there is tension because every little thing makes him think I'm going to leave. I wish he would just drop his insecurities and just fucking man-up. UGH. I don't know, I just needed to rant about it.