Dear Diary, part three
March 30th
Dear Diary,
It's been two weeks since I left him, and I've finally not only found time to write in you, but found you! I've been busy unpacking and setting the house up. I didn't take much with me, but I was able to set the house up quite nicely thanks to my "share" of his inheritance.
I am now officially a home owner! I didn't write about this before, because I was scared he'd find you, but other than talking to my lawyer before I left, I contacted my maternal grandmother, who I haven't seen in years. Not since she and mother had a falling out over her inheritance. Grandmother knew that I'd gotten married and was pregnant, and while she wasn't happy about either, she was horrified at what he'd done to me. When I told her I wanted to leave, and that I had some money to get out of there, she immediately offered to sell me one of her investment properties at a good price.
For §500.
Just enough to cover the legal fees for it, she said. She has plenty of money, and plenty of investment properties, and can afford to shed one, if it meant keeping me safe. She doesn't live out here any more, but she still has close contact with her former business partners.
Can you believe it? I bought a house for §500! I've now got it decorated nicely, ready for the baby, who is due so very, very soon.
I love how my life has changed! No more worrying about pleasing him, walking on eggshells, worrying about what mood he'd be in when he came home. I've even dug out the books I'd bought for college, and have been reading them, when I get the chance. I may not be able to go to uni right now (though I want to, one day), but I can still keep learning.
I heard from Kaylynn (who heard it from Darren), that Alfred was mightily pissed off when he came home, which isn't a surprise. He'd been promoted that night, too! What a shock that must've been, to come home and find me, and half our furniture, and "half" his money - all gone!
Kaylynn said that he really isn't doing that well by himself, Which doesn't surprise me. He can barely operate a microwave,
let alone actually COOK something properly!
I'm sure he's living off crap food and those meals-in-can-drinks, that he loves so much. Even he can manage to open a packet or pop a can open.
Kaylynn said he's been working out a lot, too. She's heard the weights machine going nearly every time she's gone past (which she does a couple of times a week at least, to "walk the dog"). But she hasn't seen Nina there as much as she thought she would. Maybe Nina isn't as impressed with the §125 000 he has?
Kaylynn also said that Darren dropped around to visit him, to see how he was doing. Apparently Alfred reeked, like he hadn't showered in days.
And that was after Darren woke him up - from where he'd passed out on the kitchen floor! He'd obviously been drinking, and drinking a LOT.
Darren convinced him to get cleaned up and to get into bed,
and saw that the rest of the house is as covered in rubbish as the kitchen was!
Even I'm surprised that Alfred can't find the freaking rubbish bin!
It may be small, it may be petty - but, Diary, I admit feeling somewhat victorious, knowing that he can't cope without me.
Though at times...I do miss him. Being in my own home, all alone, can be scary at times. And with the baby due so soon, I don't know how I'll be able to cope. I'm also afraid that he'll find me, and get angry and hurt me, and the baby. I hope he doesn't find me.
I know I can't expect him to never find me, but if he does, I hope it's not for a long, long time.
Z.
April 10th
Dear Diary,
I'm a mother!
Two days ago, I was sitting in my living room, reading through my college books again, when I had to have a break. My back had been sore on and off all morning, but I thought that was just because I'd been sitting down for so long.
So I got up to stretch and take a break. I was so pleased with how my house and garden had come together, that I thought I might go take a walk outside.
But before I could - I was in labour!
Holy guacamole, it hurt! I knew it would, but I didn't realise it would hit you, just like THAT, and that it would just keep hurting more and MORE so quickly!
I didn't even have a chance to get to the hospital - or call for an ambulance! Those back pains I'd been having all morning were labour pains! How dumb was I?
I was so surprised by how sudden it was, and how quickly it progressed, that I barely had a chance to be stunned with how quickly she came!
My little girl, Yolanda Grace! I called for an ambulance as soon as I could, and they came quickly and rushed us to the hospital, to be checked out. We both passed with flying colours - I didn't even tear! Just some abrasions, but boy, was I lucky! We stayed over night, before coming home yesterday. Luckily, someone at the hospital organised for a cleaner for me, so I didn't have to come home to 'that' mess.
Oh Diary, I am in awe! My daughter is so beautiful. I find it so hard to believe that I made someone, let alone someone so perfect.
The baby blues hit this morning, which had me feeling all teary, and blubbering when I picked her up. This feeling sad and happy and ecstatic and terrified all at once is very wearing!
It hasn't all gone well since then, though.
This morning...I had a visitor.
Dina Caliente, Nina's sister. I knew who she was. Everyone does - she's a bigger slut than her sister! I didn't want to see her, talk to her, or even let her in.
But she just strolled right on in there, looking like a hooker. I hear she's married to Mortimer Goth, so you think she could afford some decent clothes! But maybe he likes her looking like trash.
I won't lie, I wasn't nice to her. She wasn't nice either, so I didn't feel bad about it. I figured she was here to spy on me for her sister, so that she could tell Alfred.
Apparently, she saw me at the hospital when she was up visiting a friend of hers who worked there, and managed to get my home address from that. I'm sure that breaks like a billion rules, but the Caliente sisters aren't known for following the rules.
She wanted to see the house, the baby, and pretty much get any information she could, to take back to Nina. I told her that it was none of her business, and certainly none of her business.
I'm a new mother! I'm already hormonally unbalanced! I didn't need the threat of Alfred thrown at me like this!
Having her standing there some trim and taut, while I'm still feeling and looking pregnant didn't help either. I don't need someone like her trying to bring me down too. I had enough of that from him.
I really wanted to slap her stupid, but held back, because I'm sure she's stronger than me. I did kick her out, though, and told her not to come back, and that there wasn't anything for her to pass along.
I really hope that she doesn't tell Alfred where I am. But I'm sure that's wishful thinking. He'd be able to convince her to do it easily.
It does scare me, knowing that he might know where I am.
But I can't dwell on that! I have a beautiful, healthy daughter, who needs me to be strong. I have to be strong. She needs a lot of love.
Z.
May 2nd
Dear Diary,
I've made some friends! I am so happy! 96 (yeah, weird, I know!) and Amin live near by (though they're not together, no matter how that sounds), and over the last few months I've gotten to know them both. They drop by at least twice a week to say hi, and I often end up cooking for us.
Last night it was chilli, which I'm getting pretty good at, if I do say so myself. I like cooking for people who appreciate it. And appreciate me. It's so different from just being expected to cook, and to only cook what he wanted.
We get along so well! It's a bit weird having male friends, I can't help but feeling that it's wrong, but I push those thoughts to the side. There's no romantic feeling there with any of us, and I am definitely not ready to go looking for any! I do like having some men around who I can trust. Knowing that there's someone there that has my back when I need it is a huge relief. Especially with Alfred still in the picture.
Alfred called while the boys were over last night. 96 wanted to give him a bit if a talking to, but I didn't let him have the phone.
I was a bit surprised that it had taken Alfred so long to call, given that he's known where I live for quite a while now.
But he wanted to talk about "the baby" - he couldn't call her Yolanda - and even wanted to see her!
Which means he'd have to see me, too. And I'm not happy about the thought of either of those situations.
I don't want him in my house, being near me or Yolanda. I don't think that he'd hit or hurt her...but who can be sure? I don't want to give him the chance to hurt me again, either. He can be very charming and convincing, when he wants to be.
But I'm happy without him. I'm happy being a mother. A single mother.
I just wish I'd stop dreaming about him. Dreams where he's so loving, and warm, and wonderful. Towards me AND Yolanda. Where he's the perfect, loving husband.
I find those dreams scarier than the reality.
Z.
Previous entries:
[ part one][ part two]