Help with endings
Hey guys!
I've had a chapter of my story sitting aside for a while because the ending was driving me insane. I have it posted now, but I'm still not happy with the way I worded it. It got to a point where I just wanted to get it posted and done with.
I'm going to keep it how it is. I think it gets the picture across, just not very well. I wanted to take this opportunity to get a bit of help with my writing in general.
Just a round up of what it is about: His partner was abducted, he was worried when he couldn't find him. Sax returned and he's trying to find out what happened to him. (You can read the whole thing here)
Here's the section in question.
He broke down completely. Wil didn't think he'd ever seen him this devastated. "Who made you like this?"
Sax could barely breath for tears, but managed to choke out "A-aliens.."
Wil held him until he was calm enough, then led him to bed. No sooner had Sax closed his eyes then he had fallen asleep.
Aliens..
He knew no good would come of that god damned telescope..
Do you guys have any tips on how I could have worded it better? Any help is appreciated.
I've had a chapter of my story sitting aside for a while because the ending was driving me insane. I have it posted now, but I'm still not happy with the way I worded it. It got to a point where I just wanted to get it posted and done with.
I'm going to keep it how it is. I think it gets the picture across, just not very well. I wanted to take this opportunity to get a bit of help with my writing in general.
Just a round up of what it is about: His partner was abducted, he was worried when he couldn't find him. Sax returned and he's trying to find out what happened to him. (You can read the whole thing here)
Here's the section in question.
He broke down completely. Wil didn't think he'd ever seen him this devastated. "Who made you like this?"
Sax could barely breath for tears, but managed to choke out "A-aliens.."
Wil held him until he was calm enough, then led him to bed. No sooner had Sax closed his eyes then he had fallen asleep.
Aliens..
He knew no good would come of that god damned telescope..
Do you guys have any tips on how I could have worded it better? Any help is appreciated.