Ginzura advent day 6 prompt/fictanganza part 4
Beta by the very patient Pixelated Bloodbath
No pairings.
Matsudaira tries to help a friend out.
What’s the point of whitening your teeth if your smile is too horrible to show to the world?
When the Hunter came to, he was behind bars. There were humans in uniform on the other side, limping, crawling and bleeding all over the floor. He was confused as to how and why he was captured, but even more so by the beaten police officers.
Was he responsible? Had he unleashed his super secret doomsday powers upon them?
“So after all this, those two women never even bothered with this guy?” A man cradling a broken arm asked.
“Can you believe it? We found this freak sleeping in a corner.” Another man said, busy wrapping his bleeding head in a bandage. “And don’t get me started on the half melted naked statues made of -“
The two men suddenly fell silent as loud footsteps quickly approached.
The bars swung open and a man walked in, their supervisor, the Hunter guessed by the scarf he wore around his neck and his air of authority. “He’s some kind of crazy lizard. Isn’t he cute? Get up, you bastard. We have questions you need to answer.”
The Hunter gulped with fear, staring into those piercing, unwavering eyes. “I want to speak to my lawyer.” He mumbled.
The other man’s eyes became even more chilling. “Sure, we’ll call a lawyer for you once you answer a few questions.” He took a step forward, eyes promising pain. “Now, get on your feet.”
He was the premier Hunter on his Planet! He wouldn’t let these silly humans order him around. “N-nnn-“
“Vice Chief, don’t!” Another man called out, limping as he made his way inside the cell, leaning on a badminton racket. “He can’t have any injuries if the press wants to see him!”
“Keh.” The violent Vice Commander reluctantly took a step back, and turned to the bloodied men in the hall. “Bring him to interrogation one.”
The Hunter tried to resist the strong arms pulling him to his feet and dragging him out of the cell, but he was no match for those barbarians.
He clenched his eyes shut and thought of Julia. When he opened them again, he was in another room, brightly lit and the violent Vice Commander was sitting across from him, with a metal table between them.
Now that the Hunter could see the Vice Commander clearly, he noted that the reason his eyes were so apparent, was because both were bruised blue and purple.
“Ah, I have a headache. Damned women.” The violent Vice Commander pulled something out of his pocket to put against his forehead. The Hunter was intrigued; he didn’t realize Mayonnaise could be used on bruises in such a manner.
An angry slap on the table woke him from his thoughts.
“Why’d you do it?”
“D-do what?” The Hunter replied meekly.
“DON’T PLAY INNOCENT, YOU COLDBLOODED FREAK! WE WENT THROUGH HELL TO CATCH YOU, YOU-“
“Ah… Vice Chief!” The limping badminton man nervously interrupted, opening the doors and holding out a phone. “It’s Director Matsudaira!”
“I’m in the middle of a freaking interrogation here!”
“I know!” The other replied, cowed, but he persisted still. ”But it’s urgent!”
The violent Vice Commander tore the phone out of the other’s hands. “Hijikata here. Yes. Yes, he is in interrogation right now…. I don’t know
what the hell he is; he looks like a gigantic Chameleon…. What, now? But, we have an inves-….. I don’t care if it’s a Yagyuu or a Johnny’s! The investigation is- But-We-Fine, send it and…….What do you mean ‘don’t look at it?’ what if it’s instructions on how to make a bomb? Do you seriously want me to give a criminal an uninspected fax?”
Hijikata looked ready to blow a gasket, but the person on the other line was equally irate; his angry words much too loud and clear to the Hunter, and even more so to the person on the receiving end. He held the phone away from his ears as this Matsudaira yelled and
threatened the Shinsengumi and their extended families. Eventually, Hijikata sighed in defeat. “Fine, Pops. Send the goddamned fax over. We won’t look at it.”
Hijikata marched over to the fax machine in the corner of the room and waited impatiently, feet tapping noisily against the floor. The air nearly dripped with tension as the two men waited for the fax. The Hunter was the most anxious of all, afraid of what this mysterious fax may contain.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the machine beeped and began to print the received document. Hijikata turned away irritably but held his hand out to receive the document once it finished printing. He stomped over to the Hunter and slammed the paper in front of him.
“Read it.”
The Hunter didn’t know what to fear more, the contents of the fax or the incensed man before him. “I-I don’t w-want to.” He began. “I want a la-“
Hijikata grabbed the fax and shoved it in the Hunter’s face. “READ THE GODDAMNED FAX SO I CAN INTERROGATE YOU!”
“VICE CHIEF!”
“This is abuse!” The Hunter yelled, though his words were muffled by the paper nearly shoved down his throat. ”I don’t want to!” And somehow, while he screaming out his protests, he unconsciously opened his eyes and saw what was on the paper.
The screaming stopped immediately as he looked at the paper and read what was on it. “What. The. Hell. Is. This?!” And quickly resumed. “Is this how you humans interrogate people? By showing them profane illustrations?!”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU JUST HEARD THE CONVERSATION I HAD! WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH WHATEVER IS ON THERE!”
“I ONLY LIKE WOMEN! WHAT IS THIS? WHOEVER SENT THIS SHOULD BE INSTITUTIONALIZED!”
Hijikata wasn’t one to disobey orders, especially not orders that threatened his balls, but he had to see what this was about. He peered over the accused shoulders’ and his jaw dropped.
“WHAT THE %^*@ IS THIS? HAS POPS LOST HIS MIND? WHAT’S THIS YAGYUU WOMAN ON?”
Yamazaki began to beat himself on the head with the racket, hoping to concuss himself into forgetting what he’d just seen.
What they saw was a letter addressed to the accused from Kyuubei. She began by saying how much she admired the workmanship of the statues she saw at the cold-storage building, and asked for a custom-made statue for herself, for which the Hunter would be properly compensated. She then attached a full body photo of herself, and requested a duplicate along with what she called a minor adjustment.
The type and size of this minor adjustment was anything but that.
“I WANT A LAWYER! I WANT AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL AND CHARLIE WILSON!”
Needless to say, Kyuubei’s fax request would remain unanswered and the three that saw it would need extended therapy.
“M-master, I-I told… y-you… it wouldn’t w-work.” Ayumu managed from his broken body.
Kyuubei ignored him and continued to wait patiently by the fax machine.
The End
Author’s notes
1)Like a true Julia Robert’s fan, the Hunter was referring to Charlie Wilson, from “Charlie Wilson’s war.”
Thanks for reading!
Posted to ginzura and gintama
No pairings.
Matsudaira tries to help a friend out.
What’s the point of whitening your teeth if your smile is too horrible to show to the world?
When the Hunter came to, he was behind bars. There were humans in uniform on the other side, limping, crawling and bleeding all over the floor. He was confused as to how and why he was captured, but even more so by the beaten police officers.
Was he responsible? Had he unleashed his super secret doomsday powers upon them?
“So after all this, those two women never even bothered with this guy?” A man cradling a broken arm asked.
“Can you believe it? We found this freak sleeping in a corner.” Another man said, busy wrapping his bleeding head in a bandage. “And don’t get me started on the half melted naked statues made of -“
The two men suddenly fell silent as loud footsteps quickly approached.
The bars swung open and a man walked in, their supervisor, the Hunter guessed by the scarf he wore around his neck and his air of authority. “He’s some kind of crazy lizard. Isn’t he cute? Get up, you bastard. We have questions you need to answer.”
The Hunter gulped with fear, staring into those piercing, unwavering eyes. “I want to speak to my lawyer.” He mumbled.
The other man’s eyes became even more chilling. “Sure, we’ll call a lawyer for you once you answer a few questions.” He took a step forward, eyes promising pain. “Now, get on your feet.”
He was the premier Hunter on his Planet! He wouldn’t let these silly humans order him around. “N-nnn-“
“Vice Chief, don’t!” Another man called out, limping as he made his way inside the cell, leaning on a badminton racket. “He can’t have any injuries if the press wants to see him!”
“Keh.” The violent Vice Commander reluctantly took a step back, and turned to the bloodied men in the hall. “Bring him to interrogation one.”
The Hunter tried to resist the strong arms pulling him to his feet and dragging him out of the cell, but he was no match for those barbarians.
He clenched his eyes shut and thought of Julia. When he opened them again, he was in another room, brightly lit and the violent Vice Commander was sitting across from him, with a metal table between them.
Now that the Hunter could see the Vice Commander clearly, he noted that the reason his eyes were so apparent, was because both were bruised blue and purple.
“Ah, I have a headache. Damned women.” The violent Vice Commander pulled something out of his pocket to put against his forehead. The Hunter was intrigued; he didn’t realize Mayonnaise could be used on bruises in such a manner.
An angry slap on the table woke him from his thoughts.
“Why’d you do it?”
“D-do what?” The Hunter replied meekly.
“DON’T PLAY INNOCENT, YOU COLDBLOODED FREAK! WE WENT THROUGH HELL TO CATCH YOU, YOU-“
“Ah… Vice Chief!” The limping badminton man nervously interrupted, opening the doors and holding out a phone. “It’s Director Matsudaira!”
“I’m in the middle of a freaking interrogation here!”
“I know!” The other replied, cowed, but he persisted still. ”But it’s urgent!”
The violent Vice Commander tore the phone out of the other’s hands. “Hijikata here. Yes. Yes, he is in interrogation right now…. I don’t know
what the hell he is; he looks like a gigantic Chameleon…. What, now? But, we have an inves-….. I don’t care if it’s a Yagyuu or a Johnny’s! The investigation is- But-We-Fine, send it and…….What do you mean ‘don’t look at it?’ what if it’s instructions on how to make a bomb? Do you seriously want me to give a criminal an uninspected fax?”
Hijikata looked ready to blow a gasket, but the person on the other line was equally irate; his angry words much too loud and clear to the Hunter, and even more so to the person on the receiving end. He held the phone away from his ears as this Matsudaira yelled and
threatened the Shinsengumi and their extended families. Eventually, Hijikata sighed in defeat. “Fine, Pops. Send the goddamned fax over. We won’t look at it.”
Hijikata marched over to the fax machine in the corner of the room and waited impatiently, feet tapping noisily against the floor. The air nearly dripped with tension as the two men waited for the fax. The Hunter was the most anxious of all, afraid of what this mysterious fax may contain.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the machine beeped and began to print the received document. Hijikata turned away irritably but held his hand out to receive the document once it finished printing. He stomped over to the Hunter and slammed the paper in front of him.
“Read it.”
The Hunter didn’t know what to fear more, the contents of the fax or the incensed man before him. “I-I don’t w-want to.” He began. “I want a la-“
Hijikata grabbed the fax and shoved it in the Hunter’s face. “READ THE GODDAMNED FAX SO I CAN INTERROGATE YOU!”
“VICE CHIEF!”
“This is abuse!” The Hunter yelled, though his words were muffled by the paper nearly shoved down his throat. ”I don’t want to!” And somehow, while he screaming out his protests, he unconsciously opened his eyes and saw what was on the paper.
The screaming stopped immediately as he looked at the paper and read what was on it. “What. The. Hell. Is. This?!” And quickly resumed. “Is this how you humans interrogate people? By showing them profane illustrations?!”
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU JUST HEARD THE CONVERSATION I HAD! WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH WHATEVER IS ON THERE!”
“I ONLY LIKE WOMEN! WHAT IS THIS? WHOEVER SENT THIS SHOULD BE INSTITUTIONALIZED!”
Hijikata wasn’t one to disobey orders, especially not orders that threatened his balls, but he had to see what this was about. He peered over the accused shoulders’ and his jaw dropped.
“WHAT THE %^*@ IS THIS? HAS POPS LOST HIS MIND? WHAT’S THIS YAGYUU WOMAN ON?”
Yamazaki began to beat himself on the head with the racket, hoping to concuss himself into forgetting what he’d just seen.
What they saw was a letter addressed to the accused from Kyuubei. She began by saying how much she admired the workmanship of the statues she saw at the cold-storage building, and asked for a custom-made statue for herself, for which the Hunter would be properly compensated. She then attached a full body photo of herself, and requested a duplicate along with what she called a minor adjustment.
The type and size of this minor adjustment was anything but that.
“I WANT A LAWYER! I WANT AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL AND CHARLIE WILSON!”
Needless to say, Kyuubei’s fax request would remain unanswered and the three that saw it would need extended therapy.
“M-master, I-I told… y-you… it wouldn’t w-work.” Ayumu managed from his broken body.
Kyuubei ignored him and continued to wait patiently by the fax machine.
The End
Author’s notes
1)Like a true Julia Robert’s fan, the Hunter was referring to Charlie Wilson, from “Charlie Wilson’s war.”
Thanks for reading!
Posted to ginzura and gintama