Meeting Amanda
I met someone who I had that instant connection feeling with. It wasn't at the grocery store or laundromat, not a night class either, I didn't bump into her at Barnes & Noble in the design section or at church (like I even remember the last time I went to church). It was at my new favorite strip club in the Valley. The longer I go to these clubs and the older I get, the more awkward it is to talk to younger women. Her name is Amanda, overall I'd describe her as a tall sexy brunette with a voice that makes you fall in love with her. She's a party girl and sweetheart combined, very easy to talk to.
I can only take so much being alone and then I just have to seek out someone to talk to, maybe even have a crush on. She told me she has a boyfriend, a "good guy" as she put it, plus I'm like a gazillion years older than her so I really didn't have any illusions of anything happening but it did . . . sorta, in an innocent sorta way.
After the first night I met her my energy started flowing and I wrote her a little story called "Meeting Amanda".
Meeting Amanda
There are moments in life that happen unexpectedly; a surprise birthday party at fourteen by my girlfriend and all our friends, my first french kiss at midnight New Year's Eve from a beautiful woman I hardly knew, the heartfelt look Kelly gave me after reading a poem I had written for her, the goodbye hug from Sabrina, meeting Angela and knowing we'd be friends for life. As life goes on those moments seem to get further and further apart, yet they still can happen if we meet them half way. To most, it's maybe something that happens every day but for me it was a lifetime of waiting and wanting, a sweet gift, given unknowingly, or maybe there are just certain people in the world who somehow know what a persons heart craves for.
I took a half-day off of work to get out of town, get a haircut, do some shopping, do a little people watching at the mall. I should have known it was going to be a special day when the girl who cut my hair did it in such a way, that it in itself will be a memory. Then when I ate in the food court a absolutely gorgeous girl sat down a table away and I couldn't help but sneak looks at her, I could also feel her dilemma of just wanting to eat but constantly feeling so many eyes upon her, even guys walking by, holding their girlfriends hand, would stare. As much as we see other people, we don't, and every person's life is a complete mystery and there are so many books that need reading.
After I left the mall I headed to my second favorite strip club hoping that I would be renewed in the beauty of a woman's look. Since I have no real hope of ever having a girlfriend again I indulge myself once in a while in seeing a pretty girl dance and unveil herself. What I truly desire eludes me (a female friend and lover), what I get for my dollar is but a shallow glimpse into a life I'll never know. All the dancers were young and pretty but I was disappointed for some reason, there weren't any that I felt anything for, as much as it seems, it's not all about skin. I did have some fun, one of the girls put a smile on my face but I wanted and needed more that day so I decided to try out a new club I had heard of, across town.
Even though it was a new building, the club's outside wasn't so inviting, it could have easily been a lawnmower dealership in the stark metal building or a plumbing shop or a place that will bore out your engine block, not a place where dreams come true. The sign said they were open but I saw no cars in the newly black-topped parking lot (I arrived not long after opening hours), I almost left but decided to at least get out and see if the door was open or locked. It was open. I went in not knowing what to expect and that's always been hard for me, anything new seems like such a leap for me but once inside I ordered a drink and took in my new surroundings. I was pleasantly surprised at the interior, an ample horseshoe shaped bar with many empty stools. Lots of comfortable looking chairs with tables surrounded the dancers stage, TV screens were placed here and there and one big-screen TV was opposite the bar. At the stage a beautiful brunette dancer was talking to the only other customer, it seemed to me they knew each other, I even thought he may be her boyfriend but I later learned otherwise.
I sat in one of the plush chairs and just settled in, I watched the girl talk to the younger man, wishing I knew how to talk to women so casually. Once she began to dance and swing around the pole I got my courage up and I went up to tip her. Before accepting it she teased me a bit with her eyes and swished her sweet smelling hair into my face, as I gave her the dollar a static spark jumped from me to her, I apologized but as the night went on the sparks continued in the dry winter air, later we couldn't help but make a game out of it. I was taken and curious about her, she seemed very friendly and down to earth. After her set, I saw her and the younger man go to a semi-private area that must be for couch dances. I wanted her to dance just for me too.
As she returned I asked if I could have a couch dance too and she said she'd be right back and yes, of course I could. When she got back we talked for a bit at the table, getting to know each other and chit-chat. She was so easy to talk to, I almost forgot how much older I was than her, old enough to be her father. I wondered to myself as I always do what led her to this job, what led her to this place, this night. I tend to be too empathic at times and not dare to ask or go after the things I want, I always put myself inside other peoples thoughts, seldom showing myself. We now head up the ramp to the couches and before I know it she places the weight of her body against mine, her sweet smelling hair again enveloping my face, her breath into my ear, her nose nuzzling mine. My hands want to hold her but can't, my lips want to kiss her yet I know that is a world away, my heart wants to know hers but that time for me is long gone. So I accept and enjoy the moment of her next to me, so many days and weeks and months have gone by since I've felt a woman so close. The song was over but I asked her for another and she blessed me with her presence once again.
She had to dance on stage again so I took my seat and watched her, a few more customers had arrived so at least now the place seemed a bit more lively. We played again with the tips that were static charged, we laughed at the certain impending pain. When she was done we shared a pizza and more conversation which was a bit forced but I was talking to this amazing, friendly, pretty girl and I was happy, happy that somehow our lives crossed paths. To her, I imagine I was just another lonely soul to entertain, so many men wanted to be close to her night after night, but what was in her true heart I wondered. What was ahead of her, what had she left behind? Before I was to leave her and that night I wanted another couch dance, selfish of me really but that's the nature of the place, an odd give and take and sometimes luck falls your way and you hit the jackpot as I felt I did in meeting her.
We arrived at the couches in the middle of a song, so she at first sat down beside me and we just relaxed. Next, she leaned her shoulder into my body and almost curled up into me as if we were about to watch a movie at home. I asked if I could put my arm around her and then did. This one sweet moment I've waited for all my life, happened here in this outwardly looking drab metal building, I had all I could do to hold back my tears. When she curled up next to me, my heart flooded with so much joy, I didn't think I could bare it. In that moment I realized how much I have missed and how much I have withheld, in that moment the world stopped turning and I floated off to a magic place of the gods. It was something she gave to me which I could have never dared to ask for and even if I did it, would not have meant as much ungiven. I know I am an old fool seeking dreams of yesterday but it was a moonbeam moment in an otherwise stormy night sky.
I've thought of her constantly over the past month and want to see her again, moments like that can't be relived so I hope I can at least get to know her better and maybe be friends. I wonder if she'd consider spending a day together exploring corners of Door County. I wonder if her boyfriend would even consider it, she spoke kindly of him and how he was a good guy, they are both so lucky to have each other. If nothing else her kindness that night renewed my spirit and made me a bit more hopeful of meeting my own angel, we never know what or who lies around the next corner. Thank you Amanda, thank you for the hug and thank you for that beautiful moment which will linger with me for a lifetime.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She left me a voice mail that she is moving, another goodbye, it was a hard day at work.
I can only take so much being alone and then I just have to seek out someone to talk to, maybe even have a crush on. She told me she has a boyfriend, a "good guy" as she put it, plus I'm like a gazillion years older than her so I really didn't have any illusions of anything happening but it did . . . sorta, in an innocent sorta way.
After the first night I met her my energy started flowing and I wrote her a little story called "Meeting Amanda".
Meeting Amanda
There are moments in life that happen unexpectedly; a surprise birthday party at fourteen by my girlfriend and all our friends, my first french kiss at midnight New Year's Eve from a beautiful woman I hardly knew, the heartfelt look Kelly gave me after reading a poem I had written for her, the goodbye hug from Sabrina, meeting Angela and knowing we'd be friends for life. As life goes on those moments seem to get further and further apart, yet they still can happen if we meet them half way. To most, it's maybe something that happens every day but for me it was a lifetime of waiting and wanting, a sweet gift, given unknowingly, or maybe there are just certain people in the world who somehow know what a persons heart craves for.
I took a half-day off of work to get out of town, get a haircut, do some shopping, do a little people watching at the mall. I should have known it was going to be a special day when the girl who cut my hair did it in such a way, that it in itself will be a memory. Then when I ate in the food court a absolutely gorgeous girl sat down a table away and I couldn't help but sneak looks at her, I could also feel her dilemma of just wanting to eat but constantly feeling so many eyes upon her, even guys walking by, holding their girlfriends hand, would stare. As much as we see other people, we don't, and every person's life is a complete mystery and there are so many books that need reading.
After I left the mall I headed to my second favorite strip club hoping that I would be renewed in the beauty of a woman's look. Since I have no real hope of ever having a girlfriend again I indulge myself once in a while in seeing a pretty girl dance and unveil herself. What I truly desire eludes me (a female friend and lover), what I get for my dollar is but a shallow glimpse into a life I'll never know. All the dancers were young and pretty but I was disappointed for some reason, there weren't any that I felt anything for, as much as it seems, it's not all about skin. I did have some fun, one of the girls put a smile on my face but I wanted and needed more that day so I decided to try out a new club I had heard of, across town.
Even though it was a new building, the club's outside wasn't so inviting, it could have easily been a lawnmower dealership in the stark metal building or a plumbing shop or a place that will bore out your engine block, not a place where dreams come true. The sign said they were open but I saw no cars in the newly black-topped parking lot (I arrived not long after opening hours), I almost left but decided to at least get out and see if the door was open or locked. It was open. I went in not knowing what to expect and that's always been hard for me, anything new seems like such a leap for me but once inside I ordered a drink and took in my new surroundings. I was pleasantly surprised at the interior, an ample horseshoe shaped bar with many empty stools. Lots of comfortable looking chairs with tables surrounded the dancers stage, TV screens were placed here and there and one big-screen TV was opposite the bar. At the stage a beautiful brunette dancer was talking to the only other customer, it seemed to me they knew each other, I even thought he may be her boyfriend but I later learned otherwise.
I sat in one of the plush chairs and just settled in, I watched the girl talk to the younger man, wishing I knew how to talk to women so casually. Once she began to dance and swing around the pole I got my courage up and I went up to tip her. Before accepting it she teased me a bit with her eyes and swished her sweet smelling hair into my face, as I gave her the dollar a static spark jumped from me to her, I apologized but as the night went on the sparks continued in the dry winter air, later we couldn't help but make a game out of it. I was taken and curious about her, she seemed very friendly and down to earth. After her set, I saw her and the younger man go to a semi-private area that must be for couch dances. I wanted her to dance just for me too.
As she returned I asked if I could have a couch dance too and she said she'd be right back and yes, of course I could. When she got back we talked for a bit at the table, getting to know each other and chit-chat. She was so easy to talk to, I almost forgot how much older I was than her, old enough to be her father. I wondered to myself as I always do what led her to this job, what led her to this place, this night. I tend to be too empathic at times and not dare to ask or go after the things I want, I always put myself inside other peoples thoughts, seldom showing myself. We now head up the ramp to the couches and before I know it she places the weight of her body against mine, her sweet smelling hair again enveloping my face, her breath into my ear, her nose nuzzling mine. My hands want to hold her but can't, my lips want to kiss her yet I know that is a world away, my heart wants to know hers but that time for me is long gone. So I accept and enjoy the moment of her next to me, so many days and weeks and months have gone by since I've felt a woman so close. The song was over but I asked her for another and she blessed me with her presence once again.
She had to dance on stage again so I took my seat and watched her, a few more customers had arrived so at least now the place seemed a bit more lively. We played again with the tips that were static charged, we laughed at the certain impending pain. When she was done we shared a pizza and more conversation which was a bit forced but I was talking to this amazing, friendly, pretty girl and I was happy, happy that somehow our lives crossed paths. To her, I imagine I was just another lonely soul to entertain, so many men wanted to be close to her night after night, but what was in her true heart I wondered. What was ahead of her, what had she left behind? Before I was to leave her and that night I wanted another couch dance, selfish of me really but that's the nature of the place, an odd give and take and sometimes luck falls your way and you hit the jackpot as I felt I did in meeting her.
We arrived at the couches in the middle of a song, so she at first sat down beside me and we just relaxed. Next, she leaned her shoulder into my body and almost curled up into me as if we were about to watch a movie at home. I asked if I could put my arm around her and then did. This one sweet moment I've waited for all my life, happened here in this outwardly looking drab metal building, I had all I could do to hold back my tears. When she curled up next to me, my heart flooded with so much joy, I didn't think I could bare it. In that moment I realized how much I have missed and how much I have withheld, in that moment the world stopped turning and I floated off to a magic place of the gods. It was something she gave to me which I could have never dared to ask for and even if I did it, would not have meant as much ungiven. I know I am an old fool seeking dreams of yesterday but it was a moonbeam moment in an otherwise stormy night sky.
I've thought of her constantly over the past month and want to see her again, moments like that can't be relived so I hope I can at least get to know her better and maybe be friends. I wonder if she'd consider spending a day together exploring corners of Door County. I wonder if her boyfriend would even consider it, she spoke kindly of him and how he was a good guy, they are both so lucky to have each other. If nothing else her kindness that night renewed my spirit and made me a bit more hopeful of meeting my own angel, we never know what or who lies around the next corner. Thank you Amanda, thank you for the hug and thank you for that beautiful moment which will linger with me for a lifetime.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She left me a voice mail that she is moving, another goodbye, it was a hard day at work.