The Noir Memoirs, Generation 2.1
Previously, Elizabeth "Ellie" Noir - writer and criminal - started life afresh in a little smalltown known as Middleground. There she met dothesmustle's Laurie Piper and despite some complications (mainly in the form of shoefleesims's Datura Flora) the two of them got married and had twin boys, Tom and Jerry Thomas and Jeremy, and a girl called Hannah.
Let me get this straight. Sim child services find absolutely nothing wrong with the INFANT on the fucking FLOOR next to a stinky bottle. Nothing at all. But God forbid the kids jump on their beds until they’re too hot because they’re kids and they play - there can be no such thing!
Ugh, logic you have not, dear sim child services.
To remove that image of child neglect from your retinas, I have some lesbians gone wild for you. You can thank me later.
AHH! Damn it, child abuse, must you always interfere? Where are the pare-err… never mind.
Okay, so this is only my fault. Buuuut, I can explain! I was too busy watching my sims get it on to pay the bills. No, really. In my other neighborhood the mail service got glitched somehow, so the bills are never delivered. Therefore I will always forget to pay the bills in other ‘hoods. So, technically it’s not my fault, either. Everybody happy. ^^
Except for the sad truck.
I don’t know what happened (my guess is that the parental units felt a twinge of, dare I say, regret) but Tom and Jerry Mr T and Mr Jay Thomas and Jeremy received an unusually large amount of attention after they’d been forever scarred by their parents display of, err, affection on the couch.
Sadly, Laurie’s only reading to one of them, because EAxis couldn’t make more than one toddler able to listen to a story. Must’ve been complicated to do, really. The other twin remained ignored. I’m not even sure which one of them witnessed the couch debauchery, and who’s receiving the attention, but there is a slight risk that the two of them aren’t the same twin. Alas.
Surprisingly they have a perfectly happy, functional and completely squee-worthy and adorable toddlerhood. Huggles may or may not be one of my favorite animations. ^_^
So, without further ado, it’s time to celebrate some birthy-hirthy-swirthy-murthy-days! :D
Now this, ladies and gentlemen (?), is Jeremy. He’s got his mother-oh, hold on while my palm hits my face. He’s got Ellie’s nose, that is.
And this is Thomas, who got his other mother Laurie’s nose, and a little bit rounder face than his twin.
Either way, they’re both freaking adorable! :D
What, pray tell, is this? Is Jeremy whispering sweet, incestuous nothings into his twin brother’s ear, while gently reaching for his nether regions? O_O
Why, no - it’s a perfectly normal game of red hands. Pervs. >_>
Jeremy has a lot of ~feelings of rage which he takes out on the game. Let me take a wild guess her and persume that he was the one who got the image of his parent’s couch WooHoo permanently burned to his retinas.
…and now he’s getting partially engulfed by the wall. Yikes. An easy life, Jeremy has not. *pets*
Thomas, however, enjoys the simple joys of life. He may have inherited Laurie’s nose, but her famous temperament is nowhere in sight!
HOLY SHIT, it’s a toddler! Where did that come from!? Oh, yeah. Right. This is Hannah, who was born at the very end of my last update, and who probably spent most of infancy splintered and alone somewhere on the floor behind the TV; surviving only on the rotten bottles of milk which were occasionally and accidentally pushed her way, with her dirty diaper as her only company.
Cute, no? :D
Lookie, it’s shoefleesims’s Datura Flora dropping by again! Long time no see, gurlfriend. Feel free to walk through the door which is permanently stuck open due to me thinking it was a great idea to put a decorative vase of twigs right through it, and make yourself at home.
Datura: “Hi there, pretty girlie!”
Hannah: “Hewwo. Meet fwiends the fwoor and ‘tinky bottle.”
Hannah: ”Mommy! :D”
Datura: ”Aah, mother issues. I’ll be there for you in a few years, child. Waiting.”
HOLY CROW! Hide your daughters! D:
Laurie: “Ne need to fear! I’ve got your back, fruit of my loins!”
Hannah: “Help, I’m being viowated! And what’s this soft thing behind me?”
Laurie: “Okay, Plan B it is: Distraction!”
simpressions: “Good, most excellent-no, fuck, no! What the fuck is up with you?”
Laure: “I was… looking at the lights.”
What don’t you fucking understand, Datura? I’ll get Christian Bale to fucking kick your fucking ass unless you remove yourself immediately! D:
Ellie: ”Honey, I’m hooome!” *is oblivious*
Datura: *holds completely still and attempts to blend in with the wallpaper*
simpressions: *has her eyes on Datura*
Apparently Plan B can be put to several uses. Good to know.
Sweet! My kids got the smarts! :D
Celebratory shot of Jeremy in all his glory.
Well, then this little friend of his started to smustle right outside the door, so Thomas couldn’t get out. Apparently he climbed out of a window or something, because all of the sudden he was strolling up the lawn like nothing had happened, all the while I was watching the kid here.
Remember how the front door was stuck open? It was like ten pictures ago, so yeah… Well, that darling little door meant that the CD player inside would blast its music all the way outside, and apparently everyone with their supersonic hearing and impeccable lust for dancing would bust the moves out as soon as they entered the lot. Thus I went to turn the music off, and found Hannah dancing along to it! Freaking adorable! ♥
/spam
I took like 7897897 pictures of this, so be happy that I cut it down for you! XD
Jeremy: ”Oh, sister of mine. One day you and your superior dancing skills will grow up and learn the wonders of the smustle. We can start an all-sibling rock band and take the world with storm!”
Hannah: “GWEAT IDEA, JAY!! 8DDDD”
Jeremy: “I know, right!? ^____^”
I… think these kids need more human interaction in their lives. o_O
There will be plenty of opportunities for this, apparently, because Ellie is pregnant again. Too bad it wasn’t Laurie that got knocked up, then we might’ve had some impregnator drama with Datura, but I guess we can’t have everything.
Celebratory smustle ensues! Wooo!
We can’t have a smustle party without our resident smustle friend who came home with Jeremy the next day.
They’re classic dancing. Little boys dancing classic dances makes my heart sing for them. I mean, come on, look at them! ~♥
Oh yeah, and get a hold of this. His name’s Benjamin. BEN AND JERRY!! It’s a match made in freaking heaven! *_*
We interrupt the cute with a healthy dose of failure with our first legacy fire. Hum de dum.
No need to fear! The Amazing Flying Firefighter™ is here!
Laurie: ”This is all your fault, Amazing Flying Firefighter™! D:< Also, why the fuck do you have reflections of a forest on your hat and firethingy? Do you see a goddamned motherfucking forest around here? Well, do ya? Piss off.”
simpressions *installs sprinklers*
Holy shit (pun not intended lololol)! A toddler is actually getting potty trained! I haven’t managed that without smart milk in… well, ever! :o This is legendary, my friends.
I’m not really sure why, but this reminded me of this picture of Hugh Jackman playing with a child, that I once saw. He was tossing the kid in the air and was all cutesy, but then someone had pointed out how it would look from the kid’s perspective, and there was Wolverine ready to slice him into pieces and eat him for breakfast. Yeah, it’s exponentially less funny now that I couldn’t find that picture again, and perhaps it wasn’t even that funny to begin with, so let’s just say that this is a cute shot of Laurie being maternal and move on. :)
Luckily, we have this very suitable distraction to move right ahead to. Baaaabies.
Yes, finally we get a kid with a skintone that is not geneticized, but S3. Black hair and alien eyes are still strong, but baby girl Alexandra is still prettyful!
Ellie: ”I’ve had it with all these kids! I’m going to shove my arm straight through the bathrobe here to express my ~fury!”
Ellie: ”Jesus H Christ, something terribly horrifying is happening behind me, isn’t it? D:”
While Hannah inherited Laurie’s eyes, she definitively got Ellie’s eyesight (as well as nose and lips).
Where the Exorcist head spinning came from, though, I have no idea.
With the new little addition to the family (firmly placed on the floor somewhere at the moment, I’m sure) Jeremy takes his time to read up on where babies come from. As if he didn’t already know the vital stuff from the Couch Incident of ‘09. Hah.
Without further ado, and as promised, here are the all-singing all-dancing Noir children!
Jeremy: ”If we’re going to pull this off, we’re really going to need another brother!”
I’m going to reveal my age here - or well not really, 22 is no age to speak of is it? - by saying that I’ve never actually heard a Jonas Brothers song. But as far as I’ve gathered they’re basically Hanson, the Next Generation, yeah? There’s the youngest brother who all the tweens (and pedos) go gaga over, the middle brother who appeals to a slightly more ~mature audience, and last but not least there’s the oldest brother who nobody really gives a crap about because he’s fug. Sounding familiar?
Kicked off from the team, Hannah takes refuge in this fine young lady - mei_asakura’s July founder entry, Serila. I’ve turned all of the founders into children and teens in my ‘hood to add to the younger generation. I kind of forgot to add college students, I now realize. I’m hoping of sending a couple of the kids’ friends there when it’s time, and hopefully that’ll get me enough people to populate a campus. So befriend the best you can, Hannah!
Serila: “You want to be friends with me? Ahahahaaa! That’s hilarious.”
iliketoplaygod’s May founder entry, who I named May. (Which makes her May May in my game, since I grouped them together after their months as the last name. Creative, I am. XD)
May: ”Hey guys, can I play with you?”
Serila: “Well, Hannah, it looks like it’s time for you to prove your loyalty. We don’t play with freaks like her, now, do we?”
Hannah: ”No, that’s… right. Go home, freak.”
May: “Mommy!!”
Hannah: “No, wait. Come back.”
Hannah: ”Hey, I’m sorry. We can be friends.”
May: “As if I’d want to be your friend, you half alien piece of shit!”
Hannah: “FINE then! I hate you all! D:<”
Serila: ”Good, you passed the first test. Now for a initiating game of Cops and Robbers. Prepare to die.”
Hannah: ”I surrender, I surrender! Agh, just let me go shower!”
Serila: “Hell yes, I’m the best. Now worship me, minion.”
Aww, see? They’re the bestest of friends! ^_^
I guess the fourth time is the charm in this house. Baby Alexandra is getting pampered in attention!
I guess there’s a reason they’re fattening the baby… I did not want to know that. D:
Err. Why thank you simfinite’s Ash Lutzen for calling simply to inform us that you would pull your own strings. What a trooper!
Continuing the series of unfortunate events, our stock marketing loses us an entire simoleon! What has the world come to? What will this poor family feed their children with now?
See, they couldn’t even afford birthday cakes for the poor children’s birthdays. Which had nothing to do with the fact that they were piss poor even before that §1, oh no.
Alexandra survived to toddlerhood without getting roasted, what a shame. I mean, uh, thank God! Yeah, that’s what I meant! *clears throat*
It’s time for Thomas to get jiggly with it, also without the advances of a birthday cake. Damn economy!
Anyone care to guess what aspiration he rolled? No, come on. Guess! XD
THOMAS NOIR
Fortune. Become Chief of Staff.
10/2/10/3/10
(I was going to put the information on the picture, which is why I left so much space to the right left (lol, I still mix up my left and right, fail much?), but it looked quite bad so I put it like this instead.)
While his brother is embracing his teenage years, Jeremy still keeps a firm hold onto his youth.
That bought him time to perfect the art of un-burnt muffins. Bless his heart.
Jeremy: ”Hi there, big brother. Would you read me a story?”
Thomas: *is chatting to HawtGurlWithCam8774* “Grow up and read your own damn story!”
Thomas: ”Sorry, that was just my idiot brother. Oh yeah, that’s the way I like it, baby. Take it off. Yeah. Good.”
Jeremy: “B-b-brother? O_o”
Jeremy: “God, I better grow the fuck up before my innocence is forever ruptured!”
Jeremy: ”Whoa. Who’s the fox in the mirror? It’s not my brother!”
Jeremy: “Oooh. It’s me. Haha. Hey there hot stuff! ;D”
JEREMY NOIR
Popularity. Become General.
7/10/7/3/3
Thomas: “Well, heeey, look who finally grew up! Time for celebratory noogies!”
Jeremy: “Bugger off, tosser!”
Thomas: “… Why are you British all of a sudden?”
simpressions: “I’ve been watching Skins like a madwoman lately, okay? Wanker. Now will you just stand next to each other so I can get the two of you together in a picture?”
Jeremy: ”We grew up hot, didn’t we?”
Thomas: “We sure did…”
simpressions: “There will be no twincest in this legacy, thank you very much! -_-”
This is as good as a picture of any of them together gets, so I’ll leave you with it.
It feels kind of strange to go without a novel entry in an update! Maybe it’s time to write a sequel, because as we all know all good stories are trilogies, lulz. And if trilogies are good, then quatrologies must be even better! And maybe we can write the first novel from a different character’s point of view. And THEN we can start to write a different novel targeted at an adult audience which especially shows off our subpar writing skills. Ooh, and then we can perhaps write something about mermaids, because they have fins, lol, so they can’t have premarital sex! Hallelujah!
…Oh wait, I must be thinking of some other author. But sequels, y/y? :P