The Noir Memoirs, generation 1.3
”Does this really fit me?” Elizabeth Noir asked with a dubious look at the mysterious woman in front of her. The dress she was wearing was a bit tighter than what she was used to, and far too low cut for her to feel completely comfortable.
”It fits you like a glove,” the woman assured her, and Elizabeth did something she almost never did - she blushed violently. The mysterious woman had put quite the spell on her.
”So, what do you think of the place?” she asked, apparently unmoved by the previous moment between the two of them. “I know it’s not much, but it’s home. Somewhere to feel safe.” She sounded a bit saddened when she uttered the last words.
“Well, I think it’s lovely,” Elizabeth assured her. “I like it.”
”You never told me what you have to do with everything here. How did you know I was in need of help?”
”That man - Chuck Bass - came here about a month ago. He had many ideas which interested the Green Overlord.”
”This is where I come into the picture. I was desperate for a job, and was hired as an assistant to their secret organization.”
Elizabeth gasped.
“You-you worked for THEM!? And now I’m sitting here in your-what do you want from me??”
“Calm down, I have not finished my story yet. As I said - I am a friend. I soon began to realize that things were not quite what they were supposed to be in their secret lair in the middle of the desert.”
”They made me test out some of their equipment, saying that it would mean no harm to me. I was an interesting addition to their experiments, they said.”
”The pain… It was excruciating. That night I escaped and swore revenge upon my evildoers. They will suffer like I did.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Elizabeth said with a newfound respect for the poor woman. She reached out to embrace her in comfort.
One thing led to another, and before any of the two women had time to react their lips were locked together in a passionate kiss. Elizabeth’s heart pounded like a train - she had never felt anything like that before.
They ended up on the woman’s couch, and for the second time that day Elizabeth found herself clad in nothing but her undergarments. It was getting almost unbearably hot in the room, pondered Elizabeth as she reached around her lover’s waist. The smell of burning toaster pastries filled the room and-
Ellie: ”Laurie? What the hell is going on over there!?”
Laurie: ”No need to worry, honeybuns, I’ve got everything under control! Just focus on your writing and everything will be fine. Heh.”
Laurie: “Goddamnit. I’ll have a firm word with whomever it was that wrote the instructions for these. Ten to fifteen minutes in the oven, my ass!”
Ellie: ”They’re not that bad, honey. Not bad at all. I like my food, uh, crispy. Yeah.”
Ellie: ”Oh God. It's like licking a fireplace. Hurrghhh. >_< I, uh, think I’ll get back to my writing now, yeah?”
After careful planning, among other things, Elizabeth and the woman - who had kindly revealed her code name ‘L’ - were ready to attack Chuck Bass and the Green Overlord in their secret base. L knew enough about the place to get in there undetected.
”You can stop it right there,” L said in her most menacing voice as she and Elizabeth barged into the room. The Green Overlord looked like he had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, or with his pants down - hopefully not at the same time - while Chuck Bass just chuckled.
“My, my, if it isn’t the spy who shagged me,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
”Don’t you dare speak to me like that!” Elizabeth retorted, just as L began to verbally abuse the Green Overlord.
”The game is up, Greenie,” L said fiercely.
“What are two little girls like you going to do about it?” Chuck chuckled again.
That was the moment Elizabeth picked to pounce. She showed Chuck straight onto their evil machinery, taking both of them down in the process. The Green Overlord looked like he was caught with his hand in his pants-I mean, his pants in the cookie jar-no, I mean… Whatever, he was shocked, alright?
Chuck let out a distressed yelp as he saw all the things he held dear - most prominently himself - was torn to pieces.
”That’s right, you big meanie!” Elizabeth said and blew a raspberry.
”Err, I mean… That’s what you get when you mess with the best. Don’t you underestimate the power of the pussy! Bitch.”
Not noticing how the Green Overlord had secretly snuck away while they were dealing the pain to Chuck, the two women rejoiced over Chuck’s defeat.
They could not help breaking out into dance, as Chuck went crazier by the minute.
”You have seen the full extent of what we can do to you. If you ever try anything again, we will know. Every step you take, we will follow. You will never be alone. And we will make sure the next time won’t be as pleasant as this one. Just you think about that.”
Elizabeth had to admit that L was better at the being-intimidating aspect of the game than she would ever be, but she was well on her way to perfection.
The End.
With the novel finished and done, it is high time to celebrate that by finally tying the knot.
It was just a simple little ceremony outside, but it was all they could afford, and none of them complained. ^^
Mrs and Mrs Noir! ♥
Why yes, this is superfluous wedding spam. 8D I’m not going to apologize for it, either, because come on! Look at these two! I’m also incredibly excited that the wedding dress had a pregnancy morph, because Ellie was absolutely adorable waddling around in all that tulle.
Ellie: ”I… I don’t feel so good. And it’s not because my hair is impaling my shoulders, or because I just put my arm through a painting. No, this is something else…”
Ellie: “Oh my God! LAURIE!!”
Ellie: “LAURRRRIIIEEEEEEE!!”
Laurie: ”Wow, okay, think… What did the book say to do at this point?”
Laurie: ”Oh, yeah. PUSH, honey!”
Laurie: ”PUUUUUUUUUSH!!”
Oh, look who finally made it inside. Not to watch the birth of her firstborn, though, but to critique their art. I’m pretty sure they don’t say that in the books, but maybe we’ve read different ones.
And, no, there is no need to check your eyes - there are, indeed, two babies in the previous picture. Two healthy (?) boys named Thomas and Jeremy. (See what I did there? Eh? XD)
They both have the same genetics - a geneticized skintone, black hair and alien eyes.
Would you look at that - Laurie is actually paying attention to the kids now that they’re out of the oven. Maybe this will be a first for me: competent parenting in a legacy!
Yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but nooooo.
Time to call for reinforcement, if we are to live through nine more generations!
Gah! What is this? Immaculate conception? Because as far as I know there’s been no WooHoo in the house since last time, and the almighty simpressions sees everything. Hm.
Mister Man Maid reporting for duty! Apparently he had some problems with a bottle of bleach somewhere along the way.
Honestly, I love these default skins to pieces, apart from the fact that the curtains painfully don’t match the drapes in three out of four cases. :/
Why hello there, simpressions’ Lennon Phoenix, what are you doing here?
Yes, I downloaded my own sim and put him in my pixel_trade hood. What is this life you speak of? I’ve got no such thing!
Holy shit! I think I’ve located that ”Mystery Sim” every townie share’s their first kiss with! Egads! O_o
Okay, bye-bye, dear. Enjoy that invisible paper, will you? :)
Phew. Laurie =/= Virgin Mary. Good to know, in case anyone was wondering. I know I was.
This fine piece of ass is Nanny Fairchild. She looooves her job.
As every nanny from the Sim City Nanny Academy she’s learned the trade of feeding instead of changing the stinky babies…
…and to put the stinky babies on the floor.
Who the hell would put a baby on the floor when there’s a perfectly functional crib to put it in? It’s times like this that I miss the babies from The Sims 1. The ones that were permanently stuck to their crib, and then you had to feed and sing and cuddle them until your fingers bled from filling up the action queue of the poor sim parents, and the fucking kid still wouldn’t stop crying. But hey, at least they didn’t put them on the floor.
See, floor babies get glitched birthdays. How could you do this to poor whichever-one-of-the-twins-this-is? D:
I think it’s safe to assume that this happy camper is the one who didn’t spend most of his babyhood on the fucking floor. Whoever it is.
Take a moment to adore the twins like this…
…because this is where I decided to put them in ridiculously adorable matching outfits. Why yes, I’m a horrible, terrible person. 8D
Come on, you know you love it! XD Now that we can tell them apart - that is Tom in green, and Jerry in brown. This may also be the very last time I refer to them as Tom and Jerry. :P
They’re apparently one of those twins, who do everything together. Everything.
Potty training is fun fun fun! Right, girls? Girls? Hellooo?
With all the excitement of potty training there was no time to prepare dinner, so they turn their faith to the trusty pizza place down the street.
Yeah, okay, this had no point whatsoever. I just wanted to point out that I appear to have a very gorgeous delivery woman. So that’s… that. You may carry on.
Oh, yeah. I don’t think it’s a food poison baby this time around!
Instead of stealing her wife’s maternity wear Laurie got her very own set. See the excitement on her face! ^_^
Laurie: ”Crap. Did you catch this on film, you crazy photographer lady?”
simpressions: “I’m afraid so. But hey, look at it from the bright side! At least you’re pregnant this time around, unlike last time! :D”
Laurie: “Yeah, that’s… fuck you.”
Aww, such a lovely, happy little family. It just melts my heart.
See, Laurie agrees with me.
Laurie: “I will call this one ‘What is my Life!?’, it’ll be a piece that critiques our modern living standards and how we’re never satisfied no matter how well we do. Also, failure is quite amusing to watch.”
Aw, come on!! How could that marvelous piece of literature not do well? :(
Also, is that really their definition of bad? “Oh yeah, it’s barely selling. Here, have some money.” o_Ô What happened to a good old “This is crap, moron! You’ve become a public laughing stock, and your face is pasted on funny .gifs and spread all over the Internet. Aspiring authors look at you and think ‘Well, if she can get published so can I, damnit!’ Don’t contact us ever again. Please.”
On that note (err?). Look Laurie, there’s a supportive wife watching the birth of her child. You could pick up a thing or two.
Laurie: “Just get me my damn spinal tap AGUAAAAAAH!!”
Here’s the little miracle. It’s a girl this time around, with the same genetics as her two brothers. Woo. Her name’s Hannah, and that’s all for today, folks.