Year of decisions
Not six months ago I was pulling my hair out trying to decide if I should go to on a mission or finish my degree. I was agonizing over it for MONTHS. I couldn't sleep. I cried a lot. I asked for a lot of advice. I... I tried to do everything right. Finally, I made a decision that I'm quite positive was the right choice. And now...
NEW BIG DECISION: Stay at SFA for my grad work? Or go to UAF for my grad work? GAH. First of all, I can't believe I"m already trying to make this choice (I graduate in December). Second of all, it's very difficult to try to incorporate someone into your plans who is on the other side of the planet and very vaguely answers questions about the future (most because he really isn't supposed to think about his life after the mission). Third, it's just not fair. I never struggled with this problem in high school. I just "knew" I was supposed to go to SFA. It was so... clear cut to me. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT FEELING? HOW DO I GET IT BACK??? Now, I have two schools who clearly want me (my step-dad suggested I try to get SFA to provide me with a car if I stay... the thing is, they're desperate enough to keep me, they really might do it), and... I can't decide. UAF would be a better finantial decision, I could finally go home, I'd have extremely cheap rent (live with my parents), I could probably afford to buy a car, and I would be with Jordan when he got home. SFA would probably be better education wise... an almost garunteed lead role in the opera, a voice teacher I trust and know, and pretty much the entire voice faculty loving me forever. I could even make it home to AK for two weeks (if I got the money) to see Jordan, and he'd probably come here for a week. Yay for that. But...
When I really think about it, UAF is probably the smarter decision. It might be good for me to switch voice teachers. And who knows what opprotunities would be in Fairbanks for me... they have a small opera company starting up, which might have some really cool roles that I would be able to play. And I do so tire of being far away from Jordan. If I stay at SFA, I doubt I could even focus, knowing that he was home in Alaska. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm letting voice faculty down if I leave. I feel such loyalty to Nac and SFA. :^( When I try to make a solid decision, "yes I AM going to go to UAF" I just... feel guilty, in some ways.
And so... that latest crisis in my life. And despite what it may seem like, I actually have to make this decision within the next month. Boo.
aj
NEW BIG DECISION: Stay at SFA for my grad work? Or go to UAF for my grad work? GAH. First of all, I can't believe I"m already trying to make this choice (I graduate in December). Second of all, it's very difficult to try to incorporate someone into your plans who is on the other side of the planet and very vaguely answers questions about the future (most because he really isn't supposed to think about his life after the mission). Third, it's just not fair. I never struggled with this problem in high school. I just "knew" I was supposed to go to SFA. It was so... clear cut to me. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT FEELING? HOW DO I GET IT BACK??? Now, I have two schools who clearly want me (my step-dad suggested I try to get SFA to provide me with a car if I stay... the thing is, they're desperate enough to keep me, they really might do it), and... I can't decide. UAF would be a better finantial decision, I could finally go home, I'd have extremely cheap rent (live with my parents), I could probably afford to buy a car, and I would be with Jordan when he got home. SFA would probably be better education wise... an almost garunteed lead role in the opera, a voice teacher I trust and know, and pretty much the entire voice faculty loving me forever. I could even make it home to AK for two weeks (if I got the money) to see Jordan, and he'd probably come here for a week. Yay for that. But...
When I really think about it, UAF is probably the smarter decision. It might be good for me to switch voice teachers. And who knows what opprotunities would be in Fairbanks for me... they have a small opera company starting up, which might have some really cool roles that I would be able to play. And I do so tire of being far away from Jordan. If I stay at SFA, I doubt I could even focus, knowing that he was home in Alaska. But I can't shake the feeling that I'm letting voice faculty down if I leave. I feel such loyalty to Nac and SFA. :^( When I try to make a solid decision, "yes I AM going to go to UAF" I just... feel guilty, in some ways.
And so... that latest crisis in my life. And despite what it may seem like, I actually have to make this decision within the next month. Boo.
aj