surgery
July 30th I have surgery.
I've been waiting for this since March when the doctors told me that I'd have to have it if I wanted any hopes of getting pregnant and having kids.
So, I tell my mom and sister and their response was as if I told them something so mundane. There was no real excitement concern about it.
I mean, my mom asked how I was doing, but my sister was like "thanks for letting me know...let me know if you need anything as well."
They, but especially my sister, can GFSF!
Like...seriously?!
I know we aren't a demonstrative family, but JFC! Nothing from my sister asking if I need a ride to/from the hospital. And I don't think I should have to ask her to be there for me. I already know, from when I first told her my diagnosis that her work is more important than at least offering to take me to an appt or asking how I'm doing. She was like "don't worry, I've had some removed before"
I don't care that you've had some removed before, this is my first MAJOR surgery ever. I mean, I've been put under for oral surgery, but this is different. IT'S AT A FUCKING HOSPITAL!
Just thinking about this and their reaction really hits home how incredibly fractured my family is...or always has been.
last night I was listening to some music and Cowboy Take Me Away by the Chicks came on and I fucking started to cry! Specifically at this part:
I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon and not see a building standing tall
I wanna be the only one for miles and miles
Except for maybe you and your simple smile
Oh, it sounds good to me
Yes, it sounds so good to me
And it also didn't help that right before I'd seen pictures of some friends with their family and I'd always known how close they were...to the point of actually hating that one of the family units spent more time with the wife's family and hardly any time with the husband's family. And I know they're close...at least close enough to go to church together, but there could be stuff going on in private that I don't know about. It's just that social media-wise, it's all about the wife's family.
Anyway, I'm not close to my family. I don't even feel all that close with my chosen family because they all have their own family they're close with and Jesus, I need a nap! I'm making myself all weepy again.
I've been waiting for this since March when the doctors told me that I'd have to have it if I wanted any hopes of getting pregnant and having kids.
So, I tell my mom and sister and their response was as if I told them something so mundane. There was no real excitement concern about it.
I mean, my mom asked how I was doing, but my sister was like "thanks for letting me know...let me know if you need anything as well."
They, but especially my sister, can GFSF!
Like...seriously?!
I know we aren't a demonstrative family, but JFC! Nothing from my sister asking if I need a ride to/from the hospital. And I don't think I should have to ask her to be there for me. I already know, from when I first told her my diagnosis that her work is more important than at least offering to take me to an appt or asking how I'm doing. She was like "don't worry, I've had some removed before"
I don't care that you've had some removed before, this is my first MAJOR surgery ever. I mean, I've been put under for oral surgery, but this is different. IT'S AT A FUCKING HOSPITAL!
Just thinking about this and their reaction really hits home how incredibly fractured my family is...or always has been.
last night I was listening to some music and Cowboy Take Me Away by the Chicks came on and I fucking started to cry! Specifically at this part:
I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon and not see a building standing tall
I wanna be the only one for miles and miles
Except for maybe you and your simple smile
Oh, it sounds good to me
Yes, it sounds so good to me
And it also didn't help that right before I'd seen pictures of some friends with their family and I'd always known how close they were...to the point of actually hating that one of the family units spent more time with the wife's family and hardly any time with the husband's family. And I know they're close...at least close enough to go to church together, but there could be stuff going on in private that I don't know about. It's just that social media-wise, it's all about the wife's family.
Anyway, I'm not close to my family. I don't even feel all that close with my chosen family because they all have their own family they're close with and Jesus, I need a nap! I'm making myself all weepy again.