FUCKING PISSED
So I am sitting over at Trisha and Trevor's house doing the following:
1) Trying to write the stupid informative speech with a visual aid. Which is pissing me right THE FUCK OFF. Seriously I'm stressin' so bad about it too because I know that besides right now, I am not going to have any time this weekend to get it done. I know that I am going to write my speech on. It is going to be about Sam and my visual aid is going to be the bracelet she made for me and her...the blue onw with the yellow stars.
2) I am waiting for Marc to get off work. Or, I was waiting for Marc to get off work. I guess he is going to the bar with Hendrik tonight for like an hour or something. Hmm...I wonder what he will be doing??? GRINDING ON A BUNCH OF GIRLS I AM SURE. Which is FUCKING GAY because we were soposed to go to my house tonight for a bonfire because my moms friend Cathy and her son Josh came up for the weekend. So basically this weekend has been fucked so far. Reasons...
a. See number 1
b. see number 2
c. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep right now. Marc has been at work all day, so pretty much, I should have just stayed home.
d. Hes going to the bar, which means we are going to fight because he will be drinking and he is always an ASSHOLE when he drinks.
e. since he is going to the bar, that really DOES mean that I shouldn't have come out here anyways because I am not even spending time with him.
Ohhh well I can see where this is going. I think that he is working more so that he doesn't have to see me as much. I seriously think thats it. Because today he said that we don't even have time to miss each other. What the fuck. Okay fine, I can go without seeing him for a few weeks, if thats the case. Thats how all of my other relationships have been, not like I haven't dealt with it before so....fuck it....whatever.
PS. I HAVE A FUCKING HEADACHE.
And another thing that really really really pisses me off and SERIOUSLY hurts me, is the fact that I am getting all good grades this year (all A's and one B+) and my parents were to busy to go to my parent teacher confrences. And guess what they were too busy with...? GOING TO THE FUCKING BAR. Nice right? So to everyone that thinks I have it made because I can do whatever I want....think about not having parents that CARE ABOUT YOU (that fact that this is your biggest acheivement...EVER, basically) and then tell me how it feels, because it has been this way my entire life and I am fucking sick of it.
So every time I have done something good in school that I am proud of no one cares. I am always in Marc's critical eye...at least that is how I feel. I feel like I can't do any thing right and I feel like all I am to him is a ditz...which I know is not true. Even fucking Trevor told me that he is proud of me AND gave me a big hug. (thats Marc's best friend.) Oh we are SO going to talk about this tonight. Drunk or not, I don't give a fuck. He never even told me good job or that he is proud of me for doing so good in school. Thats all I want is support from him. I tell him that I am proud of him all the time. I want someone to be proud of me.
My parents always support me through all my mental bullshit. But they never realise when I do something really really good.
I colored Bonnie's hair the other night. I told her that I haven't talked to Nick in about 6 or 7 months. I asked her if he even knew if I had heart surgery. She said that she called him and told him. She even told him that all she knew was that my mom was really upset. He asked her if I was going to be okay...and she said she didn't know. She told him it would be nice if he would call me and see how I was...and he never did. That boy used to be like a brother to me. I literally considered him part of my family. I have known him since I was 2 years old. FUCK HIM TOO.
And you know who else FUCK STEPHANIE. Every time I call her she is always too busy for me. Enough said with her. I never thought I would EVER say that.
And I really really really really really miss Teness. I saw Mustard and Ketchup halloween costumes at Halloween USA today. I wanted to call her, but it was really early. So I guess she has been hanging out with Sarah alot. They are best friends. I am jealous...I'll admit it. Teness, don't be mad at me for that, I just miss you. And it always just being me and you and ketchup and mustard. Sighs... life sucks. And ps..... I still have nothing to write a speech on. Well, I don, but I am so frusterated I don't know where to start.
I wish I were at home so I could cry alone in the dark, by myself.
By the way, there is something wrong with Luke. He is really upset and won't tell me about it. I'm worried. I have never seen him upset. Hes always the strong one I lean on. I can't believe him.
THIS IS WHY I TRY TO BE A COLD HEARTED BITCH SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO FEEL THIS SHIT THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT PUT ME THROUGH. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. I FUCKING WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!
1) Trying to write the stupid informative speech with a visual aid. Which is pissing me right THE FUCK OFF. Seriously I'm stressin' so bad about it too because I know that besides right now, I am not going to have any time this weekend to get it done. I know that I am going to write my speech on. It is going to be about Sam and my visual aid is going to be the bracelet she made for me and her...the blue onw with the yellow stars.
2) I am waiting for Marc to get off work. Or, I was waiting for Marc to get off work. I guess he is going to the bar with Hendrik tonight for like an hour or something. Hmm...I wonder what he will be doing??? GRINDING ON A BUNCH OF GIRLS I AM SURE. Which is FUCKING GAY because we were soposed to go to my house tonight for a bonfire because my moms friend Cathy and her son Josh came up for the weekend. So basically this weekend has been fucked so far. Reasons...
a. See number 1
b. see number 2
c. I'm running on 3 hours of sleep right now. Marc has been at work all day, so pretty much, I should have just stayed home.
d. Hes going to the bar, which means we are going to fight because he will be drinking and he is always an ASSHOLE when he drinks.
e. since he is going to the bar, that really DOES mean that I shouldn't have come out here anyways because I am not even spending time with him.
Ohhh well I can see where this is going. I think that he is working more so that he doesn't have to see me as much. I seriously think thats it. Because today he said that we don't even have time to miss each other. What the fuck. Okay fine, I can go without seeing him for a few weeks, if thats the case. Thats how all of my other relationships have been, not like I haven't dealt with it before so....fuck it....whatever.
PS. I HAVE A FUCKING HEADACHE.
And another thing that really really really pisses me off and SERIOUSLY hurts me, is the fact that I am getting all good grades this year (all A's and one B+) and my parents were to busy to go to my parent teacher confrences. And guess what they were too busy with...? GOING TO THE FUCKING BAR. Nice right? So to everyone that thinks I have it made because I can do whatever I want....think about not having parents that CARE ABOUT YOU (that fact that this is your biggest acheivement...EVER, basically) and then tell me how it feels, because it has been this way my entire life and I am fucking sick of it.
So every time I have done something good in school that I am proud of no one cares. I am always in Marc's critical eye...at least that is how I feel. I feel like I can't do any thing right and I feel like all I am to him is a ditz...which I know is not true. Even fucking Trevor told me that he is proud of me AND gave me a big hug. (thats Marc's best friend.) Oh we are SO going to talk about this tonight. Drunk or not, I don't give a fuck. He never even told me good job or that he is proud of me for doing so good in school. Thats all I want is support from him. I tell him that I am proud of him all the time. I want someone to be proud of me.
My parents always support me through all my mental bullshit. But they never realise when I do something really really good.
I colored Bonnie's hair the other night. I told her that I haven't talked to Nick in about 6 or 7 months. I asked her if he even knew if I had heart surgery. She said that she called him and told him. She even told him that all she knew was that my mom was really upset. He asked her if I was going to be okay...and she said she didn't know. She told him it would be nice if he would call me and see how I was...and he never did. That boy used to be like a brother to me. I literally considered him part of my family. I have known him since I was 2 years old. FUCK HIM TOO.
And you know who else FUCK STEPHANIE. Every time I call her she is always too busy for me. Enough said with her. I never thought I would EVER say that.
And I really really really really really miss Teness. I saw Mustard and Ketchup halloween costumes at Halloween USA today. I wanted to call her, but it was really early. So I guess she has been hanging out with Sarah alot. They are best friends. I am jealous...I'll admit it. Teness, don't be mad at me for that, I just miss you. And it always just being me and you and ketchup and mustard. Sighs... life sucks. And ps..... I still have nothing to write a speech on. Well, I don, but I am so frusterated I don't know where to start.
I wish I were at home so I could cry alone in the dark, by myself.
By the way, there is something wrong with Luke. He is really upset and won't tell me about it. I'm worried. I have never seen him upset. Hes always the strong one I lean on. I can't believe him.
THIS IS WHY I TRY TO BE A COLD HEARTED BITCH SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO FEEL THIS SHIT THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT PUT ME THROUGH. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. I FUCKING WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!