And all that I know comes crumbling down
Jay is gone...forever. I can't believe it. I can't live with myself. It's my fault he is gone. If I wouldn't have accused him then he would be with me safe in my house and we would still be together. I would still see his smile and hear his laugh, he would still be brutally honest but I wouldn't care. I can't believe I was stupid enough to ever let him get away from me. I miss him so much and I can't believe he is gone. I wish he would just come home, or that I would wake up from this horrible nightmare, Jay is my baby, my soul mate, the person I would look to for motivation and I was the person he would go to to bail him out of all his problems. I am totally helpless and all I wanna do is kiss him and hold him and have him tell me everything is ok and that he will never leave me alone again. I wanna move to Wisconsin and be a surgeon while he is a microbiologist and have our 1234 tattoos and our i max theater that we always knew we'd have...I will never ever get over him I will love him forever and even more when I finally get to see him again.