(no subject)
So Cole invites Mahalia over.
So that bitch can grow up and move in and make with the babies.
Sup, sexy ho?
Anyway, the point of all this is that Mahalia brought a "friend" with her. The friend?
HI REESE, LAST I CHECKED YOU AND MAHALIA WERE BITTER ENEMIES. I SEE YOU TRYING TO WEASEL YOUR WAY INTO THIS HOUSEHOLD AND YOUR BROTHER.
Cole: EVIL GIGGLE
Reese: HIIIIIIIIIIIIII BROTHER
Everyone (except Gwen, of course: HIIIIIIIIIIIII COLE
Oh Jesus Ayana that's your stepdaughter please don't even.
Cole and Mahalia get hitched. Note the distinct lack of an audience.
They're all too busy getting trashed. Or checking out family members.
Yeah, you guys could have sat down AN HOUR AGO WHEN THE CEREMONY WAS HAPPENING.
Reese: BITCH THAT'S MY BROTHER AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM
Huh, she actually managed to kick some ass for the first time since... ever. You go, Reese.
How the fuck does one freeze in a hot tub?
I don't know, either. Oh well, they can make babies in the traditional way.
(By the way, it took 9 tries to get Mahalia knocked up. Clearly she wanted no part in this.)
Mahalia: I WILL END YOU, HOUSEPLANT
I love Mahalia's propensity to attacking random objects. Or, you know, her boyfriend.
I moved Reese in in because she brings me endlesss lols and there's plenty of room in the house anyway. LOL MY FIRST COLLEGE DROPOUT.
And this is how I am repaid for granting her heirship. Nice.
Reese's Nameless Exboyfriend: This will surely teach that brother-fucking whore.
Mahalia: PRAGNENT!
Ooh, she's going to be fun.
Seriously, man, GET OVER IT. Who the hell even invited him over D<
Apparently he's not TOO bitter.
Gwen became an elder. Best transition hair ever, y/n?
Since when does Reese have such an old man fetish!?
I take her to the matchmaker in hopes of finding more suitable babymaking material...
Alas.
So she goes and bangs the headmaster. Whatever, I give up. Might I mention that this is the same headmaster from her childhood who watched pedobait!Cole and pedobait!Meadow have sex?
Mahalia: This soup smells delicious. :D
CHRIST REESE PLEASE STOP
BABBY TIEM
It's a boy, with all of Mahalia's coloring, named Liam.
Ooh, what a wonderful world this kid's coming into.
Mahalia: NOPE DON'T LIKE YOU TODAY SORRY.
So close, yet so far away.
I'm sensing another generation of failed parenting here.
Mahalia: DAMN STRAIGHT, BIATCH
Mahalia: DON'T YOU BE TOUCHING MY HUSBAND, ISEE THROUGH YOUR "INNOCENT TOUCHES"
Reese (who is frozen why the hell do my sims freeze in the hot tub), as it turns out, loves babies.
And is actually really good at taking care of them. Who would have expected.
Cole: FUCK RATS
Reese: Let's screw :D
Still fails at grouchy simming.
Reese: HEART HEART HEART HEART
Reese: Why hellooooo, brother. You are looking MIGHTY FINE this morning!
I think I understand why she failed college now.
Liam's birthday!
Cole: UGH DO NOT WANT
Mahalia: K, kid, you sit in this corner, I'mma get me some cake.
Please notice that the only person who ever pays any attention to him is Reese. Cole and Mahalia haven't interacted with the kid once.
I can understand his emo.
At least someone gets it right.
Reese: Have I told you in the last five minutes that you are one fine ass motherfucker?
I swear to God if this is the product of one of your geriatric fuckbuddies...
Gwen is obviously going senile D:
Well, at least the kids will thank me for moving Reese in.
Look who else is pregnant.
STOPIT
Reese: I LOVE BABBY
Mahalia: I'm going to fuck your shit up, holding my kid or not.
Lol note the relationships. Btw here goes Reese having babies.
It's a girl, Daphne, and it turns out the babydaddy is this guy. At least it's not the headmaster!
Mahalia: I will kill you and that child.
Reese: HERE HOLD IT :D
Mahalia: Yeah, no.
Mahalia: COUGH, HACK, SPREAD OF DISEASE ONTO CHILD. ARE YOU AND YOUR DEMON SPAWN INFECTED YET?
IT'S CALLED A TOILET, MAHALIA. USE IT.
Oh, there are beds, too.
Touchy, touchy.
Allow me to point of how much Mahalia fucking FAILS at, like, not dying. Even when she ISN'T pregnant her needs look like this. It's ridiculous.
PLEASE STOP PEEING ON THE FLOOR. GWEN AGREES.
Gwen: BITCH YOU BETTER CLEAN THIS UP
Liam grows up. In bad aspiration, of course, because his parents have still yet to have glanced in his direction. I'm not even fucking kidding.
He's cute though.
ONO WHAT'S WRONG?
Oh, Cole's just bitching out little old ladies. This kid is definitely gonna have to toughen up.
Daphne has a birthday as well.
Yeah, she terrifies me. Reese was a crazy lookin' toddler too, though, so maybe it'll be okay.
Scoring with the butler now, I see?
No more babies after this for her D<
It's another boy, Chase. Idk why I took a picture of Reese holding him and not Mahalia, but I guess it's appropriate considering Mahalia is too busy starving and pissing herself to hold babies.
Gwen is seriously so pissed at Mahalia from all the floor-peeing she's been doing, rofl.
Liam: HI AUNT REESE. SUP HEADMASTER. :D
Daphne is totally the easiest toddler ever. She never cries or bitches about anything and just plays with blocks all day.
Probably because her mom actually loves her.
Well, that looks... safe.
PREGNANT!!?!?!?
No, just same old lacking-a-few-too-many-braincells Reese.
Cole's being quite boring lately. All he does is yell at old people and ignore his kids.
OSNAP WAAAAAAAT? K, official first time either one of the two have ever interacted with one of their kids. It only took... a sim week for Cole to acknowledge one of his kids' existences? Mahalia still isn't there.
Please note that this never happened again.
She's quite the industrious little thing.
Chase's birthday!
Well, he's certainly easier on the eyes than his cousin.
Just in case you thought they stopped hating each other. They didn't.
OOOOOOOOOOOKAYYYYYYY SO MY DUMB ASS MISSED A BUNCH OF SCREENSHOTS HERE BUT HERE'S A RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAPPENED:
-Reese and Mahalia fight
-Gwen and Mahalia fight
-Cole and Mahalia fight
-Everyone and Mahalia fight
-Daphne keeps attempting to play nice with Chase but he's a bitch
-Liam is flunking out of school
-Reese is probably banging old folk.
So with that we pick up again at Daphne's birthday.
She's still kinda funny looking, but she definitely grew into her face.
Daphne: I LOVE SHOWERING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 :D
Mahalia: I HOPE YOUR MOM FUCKING DIES
Well, don't look so enthusiastic, Cole.
I swear Daphne has some OCD, because she has 4 neat points yet is always going on cleaning sprees. Not to mention her obsession with REACHING NEXT LEVEL OF X SKILL OMG.
Liam, meanwhile, somehow manages to miss the bus all the damn time and I can never get him to do his homework because he's always in fun deprivation because he has ten playful points and UGHHHHHHHH
Of couse one wife is not enough for a romance sim, so Cole is hitting on the pizza girl here, who btw has been stalking the house every night asking to talk to him.
Well, it makes sense.
Seriously. Mahalia actually has 6 nice points. I was so not expecting that.
HEY THERE LIAM. I see you are currently partying it up with the bitches, instead of doing your mountains of homework like I instructed.
Reese: LET'S DO IT
Daphne: ...study study study
Daphne: read read read
NOTHING COMES BETWEEN A SHY SIM AND HER BOOKS.
Dude, he can't even control his own jaw. Are these shitty grades a surprise?
Please note that when I deleted a bed only this half of the family came to bitch about it. I'm sure Gwen would have to, but she was working. The half Reese/Daphne for non-bitchy prez.
Pizza Girl: I would love to see your TOOL.
Cole: BITCH LET'S JUST DO IT
Uhh... is here something wrong here?
Chase: UHHHH MOM DAD.
Cole, Mahalia: CHILD IGNORING REFLEX ACTIVATE
Mahalia: Duhhhhhhhhhh it's kind of hot.
Cole: WHISTLE
Mahalia: HEY WAIT I THINK I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING
I see where Liam gets his awesome brain power. Btw, neither one removed Chase from the fire. Lmao.
Daphne is the first sim kid I've had smart enough to put her homework on the desk where it belongs. I don't know where the hell she came from in a family this STUPID.
I mean, Liam here can't even figure out how to work a shower (seriously, he bitches for days at a time about poor hygiene).
And he apparently doesn't realize that THERE IS NO TOY THERE.
Liam: I CAN'T FISH I AM CONSTELLATION DEPRIVED
...seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this kid.
And let's end with one last birthday:
Chase: FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCK MYYYYYYYYYYYY MOMMMMMMMMMMM
Oh, goody.