A much more cohesive analysis
I used to not be so sensitive. There was a rug that I could sweep everything under and maintain a sense of peace and clarity. However, that rug has been sent to the cleaners and I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. On the one hand, I'm going through all these new emotions that used to scare me but I'm no longer afraid to feel them. It makes the ride more exciting. And on the other hand, I find myself more affected in my waking life depending on the emotion for the day.
Lately, it's been the same feeling. Going on vacations this year has made the waters more choppy. Before I was able to enjoy myself without delving too deeply into my desires, fears and regrets. But now I've found people who can easily pull that facade down and draw it out of me. Being so open to myself has forced me to face my feelings where before I could just look away and let them dissolve on their own. I learned last year that openness and vulnerability are not weaknesses, and I decided to fully go with that this year. Still so undecided how beneficial this has been for me.
I've truly learned more about myself and why I love(d) the people that I love(d). But it wears me down. I'm emotionally drained some days, and it gets harder to prepare a face to meet the faces that I meet. At times I wish I can forget I've surfaced all these deep emotions, but in reality I'm happy that I did. Like I said before, instead of ignoring them I can now face them and deal with them individually. I just wish I had someone to offload these thoughts with. In a way, I do have friends I can turn to, but it's still difficult and what I really mean to say I can only say indirectly. Unfortunately, being more direct is something I have yet to master. Mostly it's because I don't want to burden anyone with my petty issues. Why should they care so much about them more than me? But it would be nice to finally have a constant presence in my life who I can be completely unfiltered with again. I'm not asking for understanding, just a wall to bounce my crap against. Note to self: another thing I can work on this year.
I acknowledge I'm emotionally broken. I've hurt so many people, and have been hurt by only a few. But instead of ignoring it until it goes away, I'm starting to deal with them head on and begin the healing process. The universe has been very kind to me so far. I just ask it to provide me with another to hold my hand through this so I don't have to do it alone. That would make this process so much easier.
Show yourself already.
Lately, it's been the same feeling. Going on vacations this year has made the waters more choppy. Before I was able to enjoy myself without delving too deeply into my desires, fears and regrets. But now I've found people who can easily pull that facade down and draw it out of me. Being so open to myself has forced me to face my feelings where before I could just look away and let them dissolve on their own. I learned last year that openness and vulnerability are not weaknesses, and I decided to fully go with that this year. Still so undecided how beneficial this has been for me.
I've truly learned more about myself and why I love(d) the people that I love(d). But it wears me down. I'm emotionally drained some days, and it gets harder to prepare a face to meet the faces that I meet. At times I wish I can forget I've surfaced all these deep emotions, but in reality I'm happy that I did. Like I said before, instead of ignoring them I can now face them and deal with them individually. I just wish I had someone to offload these thoughts with. In a way, I do have friends I can turn to, but it's still difficult and what I really mean to say I can only say indirectly. Unfortunately, being more direct is something I have yet to master. Mostly it's because I don't want to burden anyone with my petty issues. Why should they care so much about them more than me? But it would be nice to finally have a constant presence in my life who I can be completely unfiltered with again. I'm not asking for understanding, just a wall to bounce my crap against. Note to self: another thing I can work on this year.
I acknowledge I'm emotionally broken. I've hurt so many people, and have been hurt by only a few. But instead of ignoring it until it goes away, I'm starting to deal with them head on and begin the healing process. The universe has been very kind to me so far. I just ask it to provide me with another to hold my hand through this so I don't have to do it alone. That would make this process so much easier.
Show yourself already.