what's going on?!
So I got off of work an hour and a half early today. Kinda stinks, cuz I really need the hours this week since I'm going on vacation next week. next week at this time I will be in Vancouver doing who knows what; next thursday I will be in portland. the silly thing is right now I'm thinking about how fast it will go by and I'll be right back at work.
I decided that I definately wasn't doing the SBS a couple of weeks ago. Now I'm back to maybe. Actually, I'm kind of back to hopefully. I've been getting kinda cranky about having to wait and all, and it's hard because my dad feels the pressure too, and it's like he thinks I'm just being lazy and not doing anything because nothing seems to be happening. This may sound completely silly, but I'm pretty sure my dad's pressure has made me realize how crazy and anxious I'm being for no reason. "It will work out" I want to tell him "just let it happen in it's time, there's no need to rush" the funny thing is that those are the last things I want to say to myself even though it's true.
I know that I'm not exactly doing nothing right now, but I just want to be heading in a direction. I guess you could say that I'm bored. I want a something to be passionate about, something to really focus my energy on.
I was really mad at God for a while, I would talk to Him occassionally, usually just about how frustrated I was that He wasn't talking to me. But other than Bible study, I didn't want to read the Bible at all. last week I decided to start reading the New Testament, I've only read the first 10 chapters of Matthew so far.
Matthew 6:31-33 ~ Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek allthese things; and your heavenly Father know that you need them all. But seek first his kingdom and hs righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.
Do I apply this to me...say I decide to go to the SBS in September in Montana...I don't have the money, can I expect God to provide? Is that being responsible? I feel like the answer is that He will provide if it is His will. Well how do I know if it's His will or if I should be worried about it? The problem is I don't know His will other than 'to seek first His kingdm and his righteousness'. I can do that here in Rochester, in some ways. Another thing about Rochester...I feel so blessed by the friends I've found here, I've truly found a family in Christ here. But I still desire to leave. I know when I leave I'll desire to comeback, and I'll miss so much what I have here. But I don' t know what I'm doing here. I also don't know what I'm doing anywhere. all I know is I have no money. I still have my doctor bills and no car. although that's looking significantly better right now.
Well, I'm going running with Katie in a half an hour, so I'd better go get ready.
I decided that I definately wasn't doing the SBS a couple of weeks ago. Now I'm back to maybe. Actually, I'm kind of back to hopefully. I've been getting kinda cranky about having to wait and all, and it's hard because my dad feels the pressure too, and it's like he thinks I'm just being lazy and not doing anything because nothing seems to be happening. This may sound completely silly, but I'm pretty sure my dad's pressure has made me realize how crazy and anxious I'm being for no reason. "It will work out" I want to tell him "just let it happen in it's time, there's no need to rush" the funny thing is that those are the last things I want to say to myself even though it's true.
I know that I'm not exactly doing nothing right now, but I just want to be heading in a direction. I guess you could say that I'm bored. I want a something to be passionate about, something to really focus my energy on.
I was really mad at God for a while, I would talk to Him occassionally, usually just about how frustrated I was that He wasn't talking to me. But other than Bible study, I didn't want to read the Bible at all. last week I decided to start reading the New Testament, I've only read the first 10 chapters of Matthew so far.
Matthew 6:31-33 ~ Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek allthese things; and your heavenly Father know that you need them all. But seek first his kingdom and hs righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.
Do I apply this to me...say I decide to go to the SBS in September in Montana...I don't have the money, can I expect God to provide? Is that being responsible? I feel like the answer is that He will provide if it is His will. Well how do I know if it's His will or if I should be worried about it? The problem is I don't know His will other than 'to seek first His kingdm and his righteousness'. I can do that here in Rochester, in some ways. Another thing about Rochester...I feel so blessed by the friends I've found here, I've truly found a family in Christ here. But I still desire to leave. I know when I leave I'll desire to comeback, and I'll miss so much what I have here. But I don' t know what I'm doing here. I also don't know what I'm doing anywhere. all I know is I have no money. I still have my doctor bills and no car. although that's looking significantly better right now.
Well, I'm going running with Katie in a half an hour, so I'd better go get ready.