The Opri Legacy :: 1.1
Opri Generation 1.1
As with all legacies, we begin our journey with an obnoxiously close headshot depicting our dearest founder.
Delphine Opri is a fortune Sim with a LTW to be a buisness tycoon.
Stats
Neat: 02
Outgoing: 06
Active: 00
Playful: 07
Nice: 10
Those 10 nice points don't seem to kick in when the paper boy arrives, but he's too REPULSIVE young to sex anyways.
Delphine settles for this cat, which is fine as long as we don't get too affectionate up in here. I don't want any crazy shit going down just yet.
Bonkers: Step off, bitch. I'll scratch that lip gloss of yo' face so fast you'll think you got hit by a big ass BLIMP.
Delphine: What a Pwetty Wittle Putty-tat!!!
And now for the LEGACY LOOOOVE SHACK! CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT!?
WOOOOO! DELPHINE SURE CAN! DON'T HOLD BACK GIRRRL!
Bonkers is teaching us all a valuable lesson here: HOSPITALITY IS 4 LUSERSSS! SCREW HOSPITALITY, SCREW THE ESTABLISHMENT!
Delphine takes a page from Bonkers' book and pisses on her first human visitor's shoes.
Jon: SQUEEE! YOU TOTALLY JUST PEED ON ME! WAY COOL!
Delphine: WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!
(I see those 10 nice points are working, er, nicely.)
Delphine decides to further releive herself by sprinting to the lou, because actually interacting with her guest would be NOTHING compared to pissing herself... again.
Jon: HULLO?! THE FACT THAT SHE'S PEEING IN HER OWN HOUSE IS CAUSING ME GREAT DISTRESS! WTF IS THIS CHICK SMOKING?!
Jon: HOLY CRAP ANGER. STOP THIS IMMORAL URINATION, PLZ.
With Delphine's people skills, we better get a head start. Hello matchmaker.
RED HAIR + CHEF OUTFIT + OLDNESS = FAIL
Jon: Your date is OLD. Ha, get it? OLD! HA!
SUNKEN CHEEK BONES + DIRTY PENIS NOSE = THE MATCHMAKER IS SCREWING US OVER.
This we can work with. Maybe.
Delphine: HOMG UR FACE.
Luqman: Oh stop it, you're making me blush!
Luqman:: No really stop it, you have onion breath.
Delphine: Awwww! You're so sweet! Hugs!
I can see their relationship might have to overcome some communication issues, so I send Delphine downtown instead.
Delphine instantly spots the punch as something special.
Only to discover that it is indeed quite "special". Bottoms up!
I'd reeeealy love to rip his red hair off and stick it to Delphine's unborn and unconceived child, but seducing him might prove less complicated... and sketchy.
WANT THIS.
WANT THIS.
DON'T WANT THIS. Actually, I can go so far as to say that I wouldn't object to this being locked in a safe and relocated to the Gobi Desert. Maxis, wtf were you smoking when you pixeled this crazy shit?
Delphine's fortune aspiration kicks in and all of a sudden she absoluetly must play cards.
Now that, children, is a grade-A poker face.
Delphine: So, uh, anybody wanna makeout after this?
Delphine: What do you meeeeean I have to flirt with the hot guy!!?
Apparently she really hates it when people admire her. Like, full out striking a "Watchu talkn' bout, Willis?" pose.
Poor Sap: Um, sorry.. ? By "you look cute tonight" I actually meant... uh, you don't look cute? Nevermind, you crazy girl. Peace out.
Delphine: Who are you to say you like my outfit, bitch?
Note to self: Never allow Delphine to be admired. Admiration, much like urination, is best done alone.
Delphine: I'm gonna have to choke a bitch for all these little "complements". How dare these fools tell me I LOOK FUCKING CUTE.
Luckily a bipolar mood swing settles in and Delphine contents herself with some good clean fun.
"You got me in a crazy position
If you're on a mission
You've got my permission..."
Hottie Bartender: HOLY CRAP CRAZY CHICK SUCKS! SOOOO HILARIOUS. CAN'T BREATHE.
Delphine: LAWL, wtf is that absolutely horrible noise? Girl couldn't carry a tune if it came with a motherfucking handle, am I right or am I right?
ur doin it wrong
Since being fired on the first day, Delphine spends her days nagging the tv. Why you ask? Because that's just what all the cool unemployed virgins do of course. Duh.
Oh yes, and she consumes uncannily huge amounts of cereal. Why you ask? ...
Because this is what happened when she got a toaster pastry craving.
Delphine: How the FUCK am I supposed to get my toaster pastry with all this fire in the way?!
Delphine: Given the circumstances, I will resort to eating the fire as an alternitive.
Unfortuntely the fire person is of the female variety. FAIL.
Off topic: When did the mailman get hot? Damn. We'll look into that later.
Delphine: Why are you still here? The fire is out. You lack the needed man parts. Get out.
Delphine: Hulllooo! IT'S STILL HERE.
Awww, burnt toaster pastry. :'(
Delphine: Burt toaster pastry, awesome :D
Delphine loses her job as a full time furry, but she looks fierce while doing it. Work that llama suit, girl!
Nightmares about the man who will impregnate you once you cease to be a lazy assed unemployed h0r?
Nightmares about being a lazy assed unemployed h0r?
Delphine: HOLYSHIT I JUST HAD A DREAM I WAS A STAY AT HOME VIRGIN ADDICTED TO TELEVISION.
Oh wait, you are.
Delphine: Take a shower?! YOU CRAZY BITCH!
Is this really that surprising?
Delphine: You got a little shmutz right there.
Delphine: LOLZ, WHAT A TOOL! HE'S WEARING A RABBIT SUIT FOR FUCKS SAKE. A Rabbit Suit! GET IT?!
Social Bunny: *sigh* It's even worse than I thought.
Delphine then autonomously gives him a back rub. Because that's not creepy at all.
Delphine: One more for the road?
The whole social bunny experience has made her more aware of her TV addiction, and she now spends hours on end sitting in this chair and smiling like a crack head.
She's had a makeover chair for a while, but she finally rolled the want to try it out.
Note to childern: Do not attempt this at home. Accepting makeovers from scary blonde women you meet on the curbside is not a doctor recommended activity for healthy growth and development.
Delphine: HOMG UR FACE.
(has not changed at all. *headdesk*)
Delphine: Wow, I'm reeeeally sorry about this.
Kid: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL MY FRIENDS?! THAT I WAS BORN LIKE THIS?!
Delphine: ...but you were.
Comfort desperation? Shoot, you made that up!
Actually, her fun, social, and comfort are all down. We all know that there's only one quick fix for that...
BOOTY CALL Y'ALL!
First she tries the sexy redhead from the casino, and fails. Then I remember Jon, the first person she met.
And now, Delphine Opri presents...
From phone stalker to certified sex machine!
1) The first time you call you may come up against some pretty convincing excuses, but don't be fooled! He's just playing hard to get.
2) The second call can sometimes be a bit discouraging. He may use a series of threats, insults and/or "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?!" outburts. You just have to keep trying!
3) By at least the forth call, he should have broken down and told you how he really feels about you, finally complying with your demands.
4) Finally, don't appear too eager. Men don't like girls who appear to be needy.
I didn't see how this happened, but my guess it that Jon just realized who he agreed to meet.
Delphine: You think this is all about your baby juicer? Please boy, don't flatter yourself.
Jon: Hey baby, wanna get busy?
Damn Sims and their inability to hold a decent conversation without breaking into a pillow fight.
Aww, he's such a romantic! You know what that means?
Jon & Delphine: PILLOW FIGHT!!!1
NOW THIS IS NOT HOW BABIES ARE MADE PPL. GET WITH THE PROGRAM.
THIS is how you make chilluns... sort of.
Get on with it already. Geesh.
Wow, that looks so... comfortable Jon. Wow.
Swirling purple death-to-virginity hearts? No. I get "WTF IS THAT NOISE?" bubbles. Thanks guys. Way to deprive me of the swirling hearts.
Delphine: AWESOME I CAN TOTALLY SEE THE TV FROM HERE!
Jon: I totally just tapped that. You da man.
As Jon realizes how HOLYSHITLATE it's gotten, I realize how his sperm is made of gold...
...Pure, unplated, ancient Mayan gold...
...that can impregnante people. Yeah.
Delphine: You mean I have to clean up the barf? Whhyyyy? *bitchbitchmoanmoan*
The time home allows Delphine to improve her makeover skills...
And by improve I mean she fails at life.
Maxis PJ Pop!
I can tell this is going to be a really fun pregnancy.
With a bun in the oven, Delphine develops a new unusual ability to bend her arm into fantastic shapes and forms.
Screw bun in the oven, girl got an OVEN in her oven.
Does this outfit and the TV dinner make Delphine look a bit... trailer trash?
LABOR SHOT :o
It's a girl, Elliot, with mom's blue eyes and dad's red hair + light skin.
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Next time on the Opri Legacy...
Moar booty calls, labor pains, and obligitory Jon head shots!