TSN Meta: Not All Apologies Are Apologies
I liked this little psychology article in terms of The Social Network meta - what kind of response Eduardo is expecting from Mark and what response could successfully facilitate a reconciliation.
"Variations on “I’m sorry” are playing an increasingly prominent part in our public and private discourse...One type of pseudo-apology downplays the transgressor’s degree of responsibility. Kampf identifies five variations on this theme, noting that a wrongdoer can: 1) apologize while undermining the claim that he offended someone; 2) apologize for the outcome but not for the act; 3) apologize for the style but not for the essence; 4) apologize for a specific component of the offense but not for the entire occurrence; and 5) apologize while using syntactic and lexical means to downgrade his responsibility.” The latter category includes referring to an offensive action as a “mistake,” which effectively minimizes guilt.
...While that evasiveness may be understandable, given the possible legal ramifications of candor, a recent study from Germany suggests that, in business transactions, straightforward apologies are surprisingly cost-effective.... Writing in the journal Economics Letters, the researchers report nearly 45 percent of [experiment participants] given the apology withdrew their [negative] evaluation, compared to only 21 percent of those offered cash. A direct apology: priceless....
...Those who see themselves as fundamentally connected to others prefer “apologies that include expressions of empathy,” while those whose strongest self-identity is as a member of a group “react most positively to apologies that include acknowledgment of violated rules/norms..."
I find that last bit there interesting, because as I reader of TSN fic I tend to be unable to accept the idea of Eduardo accepting a pseudo-apology. It distracts me during the story and reduces emotional catharsis and satisfaction for me if Mark undermines any apology as detailed above and is not called out on it, acknowledging the violated norms with accountability and displaying a bit of empathy. I've never really thought about why it's such a big thing for me, but yes, though I'm not myself someone who considers themselves fundamentally connected to others or as part of a group... It's true that I intrinsically consider the Eduardo character to be this way. I think this may be such a sticking point for me in fic because that quality is something I tend to really pin my Eduardo characterization on.
This entry was originally posted at http://silviakundera.dreamwidth.org/840673.html. There are
comments.
"Variations on “I’m sorry” are playing an increasingly prominent part in our public and private discourse...One type of pseudo-apology downplays the transgressor’s degree of responsibility. Kampf identifies five variations on this theme, noting that a wrongdoer can: 1) apologize while undermining the claim that he offended someone; 2) apologize for the outcome but not for the act; 3) apologize for the style but not for the essence; 4) apologize for a specific component of the offense but not for the entire occurrence; and 5) apologize while using syntactic and lexical means to downgrade his responsibility.” The latter category includes referring to an offensive action as a “mistake,” which effectively minimizes guilt.
...While that evasiveness may be understandable, given the possible legal ramifications of candor, a recent study from Germany suggests that, in business transactions, straightforward apologies are surprisingly cost-effective.... Writing in the journal Economics Letters, the researchers report nearly 45 percent of [experiment participants] given the apology withdrew their [negative] evaluation, compared to only 21 percent of those offered cash. A direct apology: priceless....
...Those who see themselves as fundamentally connected to others prefer “apologies that include expressions of empathy,” while those whose strongest self-identity is as a member of a group “react most positively to apologies that include acknowledgment of violated rules/norms..."
I find that last bit there interesting, because as I reader of TSN fic I tend to be unable to accept the idea of Eduardo accepting a pseudo-apology. It distracts me during the story and reduces emotional catharsis and satisfaction for me if Mark undermines any apology as detailed above and is not called out on it, acknowledging the violated norms with accountability and displaying a bit of empathy. I've never really thought about why it's such a big thing for me, but yes, though I'm not myself someone who considers themselves fundamentally connected to others or as part of a group... It's true that I intrinsically consider the Eduardo character to be this way. I think this may be such a sticking point for me in fic because that quality is something I tend to really pin my Eduardo characterization on.
This entry was originally posted at http://silviakundera.dreamwidth.org/840673.html. There are
comments.