The Logic of Love - ToraxKai - 9/15
I relaxed into my chair as I flipped through my files, checking on the details of the project once more. We were a month and three weeks into the project, and were really very close to finishing it. Futari-san had eventually chosen my idea, and I had also added in a couple of Kai’s suggestions, so we were all very happy with how it was going.
Kai’s general mood seemed to have improved lately, and there was never a day when I did not see him smile at least once. Sometimes, I thought that he looked a little wistful when he looked at me, but every time I asked him what was wrong, he would smile and me and tell me not to worry.
I liked being with him, to be honest.
Shou was spending a lot of time with Hiroto these days. Not that he began to neglect our friendship, definitely not - we were simply not clinging onto each other anymore. We were both simply leading our own lives while still talking to and hanging out with each other every day. Plus, I really wanted to give him some space to further develop his relationship with Hiroto.
I could see that it was no little fling, but much more. It was getting serious - if it was not already - and Shou obviously cared very deeply for Hiroto. Young Hiroto was a bit more uncertain and reserved, but I knew that he was really in love with Shou, too, and was determined to overcome any obstacles there might be.
It was a happy arrangement. Only, with just about everyone around me in love and all, I could not help but feel a little lonely. But lately, I was thinking about Kai more - probably more than a friend should, if I was to be completely honest with myself.
Kai, with his sunny smile and optimism, and his dark, expressive eyes - they were popping up in my dreams. But most of all, his sadness made me want to wipe it all away. Shou would of course say that I was in love with him. I would admit only that I was a little attracted to Kai.
That was all, I supposed. Who wouldn’t be attracted to someone as sincere and good looking as Kai? Kai was a really good person, even if he seemed a little closed off sometimes.
Sometimes I did wonder what it would be like to touch him without getting slapped. It would definitely be nice to just give a reassuring pat on the arm or a quick hug, things like that, without being afraid for my face or arm or whatever, right? Well, at least he did not hurt me in other areas, but a slap to the arm or face still hurt like a bitch.
“Hey, Tora-kun, are you done?” Kai’s voice asked, and I looked up to see him at the door.
“Hey,” I said, smiling at him, trying to think of him in a professional light now. “Yeah, I am, everything looks fine at this time. I think we’re really good to go after this!”
“Me too - I can barely wait! Let’s see… We’ll have shooting done over the next week, editing and post-production afterwards, promotional events… Yes, I think that we will wrap it up within a month.”
One more month - and we would not be working with each other any longer. Not until some big project came up again, I supposed. I would have fewer chances to interact with him, and the thought made me feel a little sad. But then again, we could hang out together outside of work, couldn’t I?
Yet, I did not quite want to end this project, to be honest. I had grown attached to it - or perhaps, a little more accurately, to Kai.
“Yeah, just a month left,” I agreed, hoping that my voice sounded normal.
Kai was silent for a moment, before he said rather abruptly, “It’ll be lunch time soon. Are you going to eat with Shou-kun? If not, let’s go for lunch together.”
I smiled at him. “Sure. Shou’s eating with Hiroto today. I’ve been having lunch with them the past couple of days - about time they had a little time to themselves, don’t you think?”
“I guess so, huh? So… You are okay with them being together now?”
“Yeah. I mean, yes, I was in love with Shou. But he’s so happy and in love with someone else, who cares for him as much as he does. I don’t think I’ve seen them this happy before, especially not Shou.”
“Yeah, that’s good,” Kai said softly, and he looked at the clock. “Oh, it’s lunch hour already. Come on, let’s go.”
I left the file on my desk and stood up, walking with Kai. He was talking about a new café that had opened on Wednesday, which I had meant to try out with Shou and Hiroto, but we eventually decided against it, since the queues were really long and we had worried that we would not have time to return to the office.
When we reached the café, we saw that the queues had shortened quite a bit from the first day, but the line was still fairly long. We would probably have enough time though, since it was so near.
Now that I was eating with Kai instead - and just with him - the thought made me happy. Could I actually be in love with him? Or was I just so hopelessly lonely and desperate that my mind was making things up?
And then, I remembered that Kai hated being touched. Hated intimacy and all that. Even if I liked him, and he liked me, too, would I ever have a chance of getting through to him? I didn’t really want to admit It, but what else could explain these newfound feelings?
I didn’t even think that maybe it was the idea of him I was in love with, the idea of someone who was like Shou - optimistic, cheerful and intelligent. Sure, they had these traits in common, but when I saw Kai… I did not think, he’s like Shou, at least not anymore. I thought of him as just him.
“Tora?” Kai’s voice murmured, and then I felt a light, fleeting touch on my skin.
I looked up just in time to see Kai’s hand moving away from my arm, and when I looked at his face, Kai seemed confused and he was blushing furiously. I had no idea what to think or say - only that Kai had actually touched me of his own accord.
“You looked like you were, um, spacing out. Is, um, anything wrong?” he asked nervously, after a moment of staring at each other.
“No,” I replied, finding my voice. “I was just thinking about… About things.”
I had the sudden, absurd urge to tell him everything I had been thinking of, but I suppressed it.
It must have shown on my face, though, because Kai looked at me, perplexed, and stated, “You have something to tell me.
“No, I don’t,” I said hastily, lying for maybe the first time since the day I fought with Kai. Right.
What was it about Kai that made me so defensive about my own feelings anyway?
“You do,” Kai said, dark eyes staring straight into my own.
I wrenched my gaze away from his and said, “Can we just drop this and let’s just go?”
Kai sighed and said in a resigned mutter, “Okay.”
I thought I might have heard him say, “Liar,” to himself, but I ignored it. I wasn’t a liar all the time - only sometimes. Kai didn’t know me. Not well enough, by any means.
-
“Kai touched you?” Shou said, his violet eyes (contacts, as usual) wider than they usually were.
“Of his own will?” Uruha added with a gasp.
“Yes -”
“He touched you -”
“On his own!”
“Yes! I think we’ve established that about, what, four times?” I exclaimed, exasperated.
Shou looked sorry first, and apologised meekly.
Uruha then said, “Yes, sorry… But really, it’s been so long since he really made physical contact with anyone! Anyone he doesn’t know all that well anyway.”
We were in a small eatery that I knew Uruha liked, and I had decided to ask both him and Shou out for breakfast the next morning. I figured that I had to tell them about Kai touching me; it was so unexpected. After I said it once, though, they just had to repeat it.
Not once, not twice, not even three times. Four, maybe five if I counted what Uruha had just said. I was beginning to wonder if I had made the right decision.
“Why though?” Shou asked thoughtfully. “Did you kiss or something?”
“No!” I said loudly, and people started looking at us. I lowered my head as my face burned red with embarrassment, and hissed, “I was just like, spacing out, you know? And then he just touched my arm lightly for about a second or something. Like he was worried - and that is all!”
“You’re blushing,” Shou teased.
I groaned unhappily and growled, “It’s only because I got stared at, thanks to the two of you… Or more specifically, you, Shou.”
Uruha laughed and playfully punched Shou’s shoulder. “Nah, I believe Tora. Well, I kind of agree with you too, Shou-kun, but you know.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “I mean, it’s just… Kai wouldn’t touch anyone just like that, would he? He hates receiving and giving touches so much.”
Shou started to look more serious and nodded at me. “None of us in our department, save you, have really interacted with Kai as closely as you have. There are a lot of rumours though, that he hates all physical contact, so aside from you, none of us have been slapped. Not that we want to try either.”
Uruha sighed. “It’s all in his past. It was a kind of shitty one, emotionally and relationship wise. Somehow that got transferred to physical contact. If he wants to tell you anything else, he will. But this really gives me hope, you know? That the Kai I used to know would really come back. And it’s amazing how comfortable he can be with you already. Now that he’s willingly touching you, I think it means something,” he explained softly.
Uruha’s words made me feel like I meant something more to Kai. Something more than just a friend. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling at the moment was appropriate - I was worried about him; I wanted to protect him; I felt warm inside that I could mean more to him. So was I…
“Tora,” Uruha said seriously, and I looked at him. “Don’t hurt Kai, okay?”
Unbidden, I found myself saying, “I promise I won’t.”
Just to clarify things - yes, whatever made Kai so, er, touch sensitive was more emotional, but it wasn't really THAT serious. This is a mostly lighthearted romantic comedy type of fic, so there. :D Updates will come soon~ Promises. ;D
Kai’s general mood seemed to have improved lately, and there was never a day when I did not see him smile at least once. Sometimes, I thought that he looked a little wistful when he looked at me, but every time I asked him what was wrong, he would smile and me and tell me not to worry.
I liked being with him, to be honest.
Shou was spending a lot of time with Hiroto these days. Not that he began to neglect our friendship, definitely not - we were simply not clinging onto each other anymore. We were both simply leading our own lives while still talking to and hanging out with each other every day. Plus, I really wanted to give him some space to further develop his relationship with Hiroto.
I could see that it was no little fling, but much more. It was getting serious - if it was not already - and Shou obviously cared very deeply for Hiroto. Young Hiroto was a bit more uncertain and reserved, but I knew that he was really in love with Shou, too, and was determined to overcome any obstacles there might be.
It was a happy arrangement. Only, with just about everyone around me in love and all, I could not help but feel a little lonely. But lately, I was thinking about Kai more - probably more than a friend should, if I was to be completely honest with myself.
Kai, with his sunny smile and optimism, and his dark, expressive eyes - they were popping up in my dreams. But most of all, his sadness made me want to wipe it all away. Shou would of course say that I was in love with him. I would admit only that I was a little attracted to Kai.
That was all, I supposed. Who wouldn’t be attracted to someone as sincere and good looking as Kai? Kai was a really good person, even if he seemed a little closed off sometimes.
Sometimes I did wonder what it would be like to touch him without getting slapped. It would definitely be nice to just give a reassuring pat on the arm or a quick hug, things like that, without being afraid for my face or arm or whatever, right? Well, at least he did not hurt me in other areas, but a slap to the arm or face still hurt like a bitch.
“Hey, Tora-kun, are you done?” Kai’s voice asked, and I looked up to see him at the door.
“Hey,” I said, smiling at him, trying to think of him in a professional light now. “Yeah, I am, everything looks fine at this time. I think we’re really good to go after this!”
“Me too - I can barely wait! Let’s see… We’ll have shooting done over the next week, editing and post-production afterwards, promotional events… Yes, I think that we will wrap it up within a month.”
One more month - and we would not be working with each other any longer. Not until some big project came up again, I supposed. I would have fewer chances to interact with him, and the thought made me feel a little sad. But then again, we could hang out together outside of work, couldn’t I?
Yet, I did not quite want to end this project, to be honest. I had grown attached to it - or perhaps, a little more accurately, to Kai.
“Yeah, just a month left,” I agreed, hoping that my voice sounded normal.
Kai was silent for a moment, before he said rather abruptly, “It’ll be lunch time soon. Are you going to eat with Shou-kun? If not, let’s go for lunch together.”
I smiled at him. “Sure. Shou’s eating with Hiroto today. I’ve been having lunch with them the past couple of days - about time they had a little time to themselves, don’t you think?”
“I guess so, huh? So… You are okay with them being together now?”
“Yeah. I mean, yes, I was in love with Shou. But he’s so happy and in love with someone else, who cares for him as much as he does. I don’t think I’ve seen them this happy before, especially not Shou.”
“Yeah, that’s good,” Kai said softly, and he looked at the clock. “Oh, it’s lunch hour already. Come on, let’s go.”
I left the file on my desk and stood up, walking with Kai. He was talking about a new café that had opened on Wednesday, which I had meant to try out with Shou and Hiroto, but we eventually decided against it, since the queues were really long and we had worried that we would not have time to return to the office.
When we reached the café, we saw that the queues had shortened quite a bit from the first day, but the line was still fairly long. We would probably have enough time though, since it was so near.
Now that I was eating with Kai instead - and just with him - the thought made me happy. Could I actually be in love with him? Or was I just so hopelessly lonely and desperate that my mind was making things up?
And then, I remembered that Kai hated being touched. Hated intimacy and all that. Even if I liked him, and he liked me, too, would I ever have a chance of getting through to him? I didn’t really want to admit It, but what else could explain these newfound feelings?
I didn’t even think that maybe it was the idea of him I was in love with, the idea of someone who was like Shou - optimistic, cheerful and intelligent. Sure, they had these traits in common, but when I saw Kai… I did not think, he’s like Shou, at least not anymore. I thought of him as just him.
“Tora?” Kai’s voice murmured, and then I felt a light, fleeting touch on my skin.
I looked up just in time to see Kai’s hand moving away from my arm, and when I looked at his face, Kai seemed confused and he was blushing furiously. I had no idea what to think or say - only that Kai had actually touched me of his own accord.
“You looked like you were, um, spacing out. Is, um, anything wrong?” he asked nervously, after a moment of staring at each other.
“No,” I replied, finding my voice. “I was just thinking about… About things.”
I had the sudden, absurd urge to tell him everything I had been thinking of, but I suppressed it.
It must have shown on my face, though, because Kai looked at me, perplexed, and stated, “You have something to tell me.
“No, I don’t,” I said hastily, lying for maybe the first time since the day I fought with Kai. Right.
What was it about Kai that made me so defensive about my own feelings anyway?
“You do,” Kai said, dark eyes staring straight into my own.
I wrenched my gaze away from his and said, “Can we just drop this and let’s just go?”
Kai sighed and said in a resigned mutter, “Okay.”
I thought I might have heard him say, “Liar,” to himself, but I ignored it. I wasn’t a liar all the time - only sometimes. Kai didn’t know me. Not well enough, by any means.
-
“Kai touched you?” Shou said, his violet eyes (contacts, as usual) wider than they usually were.
“Of his own will?” Uruha added with a gasp.
“Yes -”
“He touched you -”
“On his own!”
“Yes! I think we’ve established that about, what, four times?” I exclaimed, exasperated.
Shou looked sorry first, and apologised meekly.
Uruha then said, “Yes, sorry… But really, it’s been so long since he really made physical contact with anyone! Anyone he doesn’t know all that well anyway.”
We were in a small eatery that I knew Uruha liked, and I had decided to ask both him and Shou out for breakfast the next morning. I figured that I had to tell them about Kai touching me; it was so unexpected. After I said it once, though, they just had to repeat it.
Not once, not twice, not even three times. Four, maybe five if I counted what Uruha had just said. I was beginning to wonder if I had made the right decision.
“Why though?” Shou asked thoughtfully. “Did you kiss or something?”
“No!” I said loudly, and people started looking at us. I lowered my head as my face burned red with embarrassment, and hissed, “I was just like, spacing out, you know? And then he just touched my arm lightly for about a second or something. Like he was worried - and that is all!”
“You’re blushing,” Shou teased.
I groaned unhappily and growled, “It’s only because I got stared at, thanks to the two of you… Or more specifically, you, Shou.”
Uruha laughed and playfully punched Shou’s shoulder. “Nah, I believe Tora. Well, I kind of agree with you too, Shou-kun, but you know.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “I mean, it’s just… Kai wouldn’t touch anyone just like that, would he? He hates receiving and giving touches so much.”
Shou started to look more serious and nodded at me. “None of us in our department, save you, have really interacted with Kai as closely as you have. There are a lot of rumours though, that he hates all physical contact, so aside from you, none of us have been slapped. Not that we want to try either.”
Uruha sighed. “It’s all in his past. It was a kind of shitty one, emotionally and relationship wise. Somehow that got transferred to physical contact. If he wants to tell you anything else, he will. But this really gives me hope, you know? That the Kai I used to know would really come back. And it’s amazing how comfortable he can be with you already. Now that he’s willingly touching you, I think it means something,” he explained softly.
Uruha’s words made me feel like I meant something more to Kai. Something more than just a friend. I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling at the moment was appropriate - I was worried about him; I wanted to protect him; I felt warm inside that I could mean more to him. So was I…
“Tora,” Uruha said seriously, and I looked at him. “Don’t hurt Kai, okay?”
Unbidden, I found myself saying, “I promise I won’t.”
Just to clarify things - yes, whatever made Kai so, er, touch sensitive was more emotional, but it wasn't really THAT serious. This is a mostly lighthearted romantic comedy type of fic, so there. :D Updates will come soon~ Promises. ;D