Leech - AoixUruha - 19/26
Title: Leech
Chapter: 19
Author: infinitysanti (silveryxdark)
Rating: PG-13-R (overall)
Pairings: AoixUruhaxAoi [main], AoixOC, ReitaxRuki, UruhaxKai, UruhaxOC, mild MikuxKanon
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Warning: Malexmale pairing, sex, violence, self-harm, past rape, swears
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except the plot and OCs popping up in here. All mine~
Summary: AU. Shiroyama Yuu leads a good enough life - he owns a guitar store passed down to him by his late parents, is a skilled guitarist in a promising underground band, and has the best friends he could ever have imagined of having. But deep down he is lonely and hides a bitter secret, craving true love. When Kouyou comes along, beautiful and seductive with secrets of his own, Yuu falls for the one man he shouldn't fall for.
A/N: At the end.
Previous Chapters
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18a] [18b]
"Takashima-kun! Can you enter these client records into the database?" Kouyou's boss, Asami, asked, handing him a thick blue file. "It was last updated a month ago... so from then till the latest project, all right? It's marked here."
"Sure thing, Asami-san!" Kouyou said, giving her a charming smile. "I'll do it right now."
She smiled back and walked away into the office. Kouyou looked back at the file, smile dropping at once. Work, he told himself. He had to focus himself on work, and nothing else.
Kouyou knew what a good actor he could be. He knew just how to pretend, to hide his feelings. He had hidden so many things since he was ten. He had given himself acting lessons since then, lessons for life. He knew just how damn good at it he was, and sometimes he could believe in his lies. He knew how to make himself believe, or at least try to.
So Kouyou worked steadily, typing away furiously on the keyboard. He ensured everything was done quickly and accurately. Work - it was all he would do. All he could do.
"Kouyou-kun," Satoshi called, and Kouyou looked up, a smile immediately plastering itself on his face, one he knew looked real with all that practice he had for over a decade. "Do you want to go for drinks with all of us after work? There's going to be a band there... I heard they're really good, especially their guitarist, Aoi."
The smile froze on Kouyou's face the moment he heard the name. His band. Kouyou tried not to think of his name, in case that facade of his broke. No, he was not strong enough for that at all.
"I'm not free tonight," Kouyou said tightly.
Satoshi frowned, looking confused. "I thought you broke up with your boyfriend a week ago."
The smile cold on his face, Kouyou replied icily, "I am not free. I'm sorry."
Satoshi nodded hastily and turned away. Maybe something had shown on his face. Kouyou returned to his work then. No, he would not think of anything else. He would not go anywhere. Nothing held him back, at least not physically. But other things did. How could he face him? Not after all he had done.
Work. He forced himself to think of nothing but work. Only of his clients, their demands, his designs, everything else that had to do with work. Nothing else at all. Not his face, his taste, his scent, his name.
If he did, he would only break once more.
-
The doorbell rang. Kouyou stood up from the couch, where he had been typing away on his laptop, as he had every night for the past week. It was all he could do, really.
It was Akira at the door, and Kouyou felt a genuine smile tug at his lips. But Akira was wearing the noseband - much like he had been for the past week. It made him worry, though he tried not to let it show on his face as he greeted his best friend and let him into the apartment.
"Hey Kou," Akira smiled back at him, though it was tinged with worry. "Are you okay?"
Kouyou nodded. "It's all good. There's nothing wrong at all, Akira."
Akira sighed. "You look even thinner than before, Kouyou. It's not okay."
"It happens, Akira," Kouyou said without emotion, shrugging his shoulders.
"You miss Yuu, Kouyou," Akira said softly.
Kouyou felt his will crumble at the name. He could not deny it - Akira was one of those people he just could not lie to completely, even if he tried to. Turning away, he asked in a whisper, "How is he?"
"Yuu... Yuu is all right. He's not talking much, to tell the truth, but that's expected. He's insomniac lately... but he will be fine. I think," Akira added the last two words hesitantly.
"And?" Kouyou pressed, biting his lip. There had to be more - he had a bad feeling about this, that there was much more to Yuu's condition.
"His nightmares are coming back, Kouyou. He's trying to believe that you loved him, but... he's starting to believe that you never actually cared for him at all. He regrets the break, but he still thinks he shouldn't see you. He's afraid of getting hurt. And... he cries himself to sleep sometimes, but he wakes up in the middle of the night. He'll be screaming and crying, and... it's terrifying to see him so tormented," Akira said softly, pained. "Takanori's unhappy about it, and he's starting to blame you for it."
"As he should," Kouyou said, feeling angry at himself. "I... I trust him. I... I think... I love him, Akira. I always did. I was the one who made the mistake. But I'm not good enough for him, not by half."
"Kouyou..." Akira began, but Kouyou shook his head.
"It's my fault, most of it. I should have just pushed Yutaka away. I should have cherished Yuu. You know how they say you only treasure things and people after they are gone? It's true. I never cherished Yuu enough, and I've lost him. I'm not sure I'll ever get him back," Kouyou said, blinking away tears.
"We all regret everything that happened, Kouyou. You could try making it up to him," Akira said encouragingly, trying to smile.
"Thanks, Akira, but I don't know. It all boils down to my past... If I wasn't such a player... if I had never toyed with Yutaka's feelings... this would never have happened. You can't really blame him for this - if I never made the mistake of sleeping with him, I would have had a friend. Not someone who never really gave me up after all these years. Not someone who betrayed his best friend out of obsession with me," Kouyou said with bitterness.
Kouyou did not hate Yutaka, even if a little part of him resented him - that kiss from him, had, after all, cost him Yuu. He felt like a part of him had been torn away when Yuu left. The part where Yuu had once been. Still was, only empty now. Life went on, with or without Yuu.
The world just seemed like a far harsher, colder, lonelier place without Yuu there.
"Don't you blame him at all?" Akira asked quietly.
"Maybe just a bit. I can't blame him entirely. It was mostly my fault, wasn't it? I lost Yuu because of what I've done," Kouyou spat, angry at himself.
"Kouyou, you're fucking miserable without Yuu, and vice versa. Yutaka left the apartment for somewhere and we don't know where, he won't tell us. And Taka and I -" Akira paused, and mumbled quickly, "Nothing."
Kouyou looked at him sharply. "What's wrong? Akira, tell me the truth."
Akira tugged at the noseband, obviously uncomfortable. "We're fighting, Takanori and I," he explained unhappily. "I tried to defend you when Takanori started blaming you again. At first... we just kind of flared up a bit at each other, but we apologised in the end. But just now... well, we kind of started yelling at each other, and then I decided to come here to check on you, and... I didn't really feel like talking to him any more. I love him, but... it's getting unbearable. This is really taking a toll on him, you know. Yuu is his closest friend, the brother he never had."
"I understand that," Kouyou said quietly.
He knew that Takanori was estranged from his parents due to his homosexuality, and that Yuu had taken him in where he had nowhere else to go. Of course Takanori was especially attached to Yuu - it was only natural. Sometimes, he knew, because Yuu was so mature compared to Takanori, he saw Yuu as a parental figure of sorts.
Of course Takanori would be furious at him for hurting one of the people he loved the most.
"It all boils down to me, doesn't it? I'm the one who caused all this. Me, not anyone else. I lost Yuu. You fought with Takanori. Yutaka left. It's all my fault," Kouyou said, despising himself more than he ever had at that moment. "I can't make it up to him, can I?"
"You can. Go ahead and try to see Yuu, Kou. He's just next door. Go ahead," Akira said softly, even though he did not sound very certain himself.
"Should I?" Kouyou murmured uncertainly.
"Do you really want to let this drag on?" Akira snapped, voice finding strength. "Kouyou, I can see how much you miss him. Just go see him. At least try."
Kouyou's gaze met Akira's and he held it, unblinking. Finally, he sighed and nodded. There was no harm trying, was there? He strode over to the door and opened it, heading over to the apartment next door. Yuu's.
It once looked welcoming. Now it was just foreboding. Anxiety and fear twisted in his stomach as he rang the doorbell, and waited for someone to open up.
Takanori answered the door. His eyes seemed somewhat red, and he glared at Kouyou. "What are you doing here, Kouyou?"
Kouyou said the only thing he could. "I'm sorry."
Takanori's eyes softened, and he stepped aside, revealing Yuu further down the hallway. Yuu walked to the door then. He looked clean and normal, but there was an emptiness in his gaze that spoke volumes.
It frightened Kouyou, and made his heart ache.
"Yuu..." Kouyou choked out, tears springing to his eyes. Tears he had not shed since the 'break'.
Something flickered in Yuu's eyes. A spark of life. Pain. Misery.
"Kouyou," Yuu said softly. "Go."
Kouyou bit his lip. "Yuu, no."
"Leave, Kouyou," Yuu said blankly.
Yuu began to close the door, but not before Kouyou managed to say the words he had been too late in saying ages ago. "Yuu, I love you."
Rarr. I meant to update earlier this week... but I was busy. Especially since Gackt came to Singapore (well, he's still here~!) and I was in town trying to stalk find him. Without success. But eh. Whatever. HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY KAI. That is all~
And do tell me if I have any typos. I need to stop staying up till 3 AM. Boo~ Right~ I'm off now, so I can watch the VROCK Festival in... seven hours! YAY!
Chapter: 19
Author: infinitysanti (silveryxdark)
Rating: PG-13-R (overall)
Pairings: AoixUruhaxAoi [main], AoixOC, ReitaxRuki, UruhaxKai, UruhaxOC, mild MikuxKanon
Genre: Romance, Angst, Drama
Warning: Malexmale pairing, sex, violence, self-harm, past rape, swears
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except the plot and OCs popping up in here. All mine~
Summary: AU. Shiroyama Yuu leads a good enough life - he owns a guitar store passed down to him by his late parents, is a skilled guitarist in a promising underground band, and has the best friends he could ever have imagined of having. But deep down he is lonely and hides a bitter secret, craving true love. When Kouyou comes along, beautiful and seductive with secrets of his own, Yuu falls for the one man he shouldn't fall for.
A/N: At the end.
Previous Chapters
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18a] [18b]
"Takashima-kun! Can you enter these client records into the database?" Kouyou's boss, Asami, asked, handing him a thick blue file. "It was last updated a month ago... so from then till the latest project, all right? It's marked here."
"Sure thing, Asami-san!" Kouyou said, giving her a charming smile. "I'll do it right now."
She smiled back and walked away into the office. Kouyou looked back at the file, smile dropping at once. Work, he told himself. He had to focus himself on work, and nothing else.
Kouyou knew what a good actor he could be. He knew just how to pretend, to hide his feelings. He had hidden so many things since he was ten. He had given himself acting lessons since then, lessons for life. He knew just how damn good at it he was, and sometimes he could believe in his lies. He knew how to make himself believe, or at least try to.
So Kouyou worked steadily, typing away furiously on the keyboard. He ensured everything was done quickly and accurately. Work - it was all he would do. All he could do.
"Kouyou-kun," Satoshi called, and Kouyou looked up, a smile immediately plastering itself on his face, one he knew looked real with all that practice he had for over a decade. "Do you want to go for drinks with all of us after work? There's going to be a band there... I heard they're really good, especially their guitarist, Aoi."
The smile froze on Kouyou's face the moment he heard the name. His band. Kouyou tried not to think of his name, in case that facade of his broke. No, he was not strong enough for that at all.
"I'm not free tonight," Kouyou said tightly.
Satoshi frowned, looking confused. "I thought you broke up with your boyfriend a week ago."
The smile cold on his face, Kouyou replied icily, "I am not free. I'm sorry."
Satoshi nodded hastily and turned away. Maybe something had shown on his face. Kouyou returned to his work then. No, he would not think of anything else. He would not go anywhere. Nothing held him back, at least not physically. But other things did. How could he face him? Not after all he had done.
Work. He forced himself to think of nothing but work. Only of his clients, their demands, his designs, everything else that had to do with work. Nothing else at all. Not his face, his taste, his scent, his name.
If he did, he would only break once more.
-
The doorbell rang. Kouyou stood up from the couch, where he had been typing away on his laptop, as he had every night for the past week. It was all he could do, really.
It was Akira at the door, and Kouyou felt a genuine smile tug at his lips. But Akira was wearing the noseband - much like he had been for the past week. It made him worry, though he tried not to let it show on his face as he greeted his best friend and let him into the apartment.
"Hey Kou," Akira smiled back at him, though it was tinged with worry. "Are you okay?"
Kouyou nodded. "It's all good. There's nothing wrong at all, Akira."
Akira sighed. "You look even thinner than before, Kouyou. It's not okay."
"It happens, Akira," Kouyou said without emotion, shrugging his shoulders.
"You miss Yuu, Kouyou," Akira said softly.
Kouyou felt his will crumble at the name. He could not deny it - Akira was one of those people he just could not lie to completely, even if he tried to. Turning away, he asked in a whisper, "How is he?"
"Yuu... Yuu is all right. He's not talking much, to tell the truth, but that's expected. He's insomniac lately... but he will be fine. I think," Akira added the last two words hesitantly.
"And?" Kouyou pressed, biting his lip. There had to be more - he had a bad feeling about this, that there was much more to Yuu's condition.
"His nightmares are coming back, Kouyou. He's trying to believe that you loved him, but... he's starting to believe that you never actually cared for him at all. He regrets the break, but he still thinks he shouldn't see you. He's afraid of getting hurt. And... he cries himself to sleep sometimes, but he wakes up in the middle of the night. He'll be screaming and crying, and... it's terrifying to see him so tormented," Akira said softly, pained. "Takanori's unhappy about it, and he's starting to blame you for it."
"As he should," Kouyou said, feeling angry at himself. "I... I trust him. I... I think... I love him, Akira. I always did. I was the one who made the mistake. But I'm not good enough for him, not by half."
"Kouyou..." Akira began, but Kouyou shook his head.
"It's my fault, most of it. I should have just pushed Yutaka away. I should have cherished Yuu. You know how they say you only treasure things and people after they are gone? It's true. I never cherished Yuu enough, and I've lost him. I'm not sure I'll ever get him back," Kouyou said, blinking away tears.
"We all regret everything that happened, Kouyou. You could try making it up to him," Akira said encouragingly, trying to smile.
"Thanks, Akira, but I don't know. It all boils down to my past... If I wasn't such a player... if I had never toyed with Yutaka's feelings... this would never have happened. You can't really blame him for this - if I never made the mistake of sleeping with him, I would have had a friend. Not someone who never really gave me up after all these years. Not someone who betrayed his best friend out of obsession with me," Kouyou said with bitterness.
Kouyou did not hate Yutaka, even if a little part of him resented him - that kiss from him, had, after all, cost him Yuu. He felt like a part of him had been torn away when Yuu left. The part where Yuu had once been. Still was, only empty now. Life went on, with or without Yuu.
The world just seemed like a far harsher, colder, lonelier place without Yuu there.
"Don't you blame him at all?" Akira asked quietly.
"Maybe just a bit. I can't blame him entirely. It was mostly my fault, wasn't it? I lost Yuu because of what I've done," Kouyou spat, angry at himself.
"Kouyou, you're fucking miserable without Yuu, and vice versa. Yutaka left the apartment for somewhere and we don't know where, he won't tell us. And Taka and I -" Akira paused, and mumbled quickly, "Nothing."
Kouyou looked at him sharply. "What's wrong? Akira, tell me the truth."
Akira tugged at the noseband, obviously uncomfortable. "We're fighting, Takanori and I," he explained unhappily. "I tried to defend you when Takanori started blaming you again. At first... we just kind of flared up a bit at each other, but we apologised in the end. But just now... well, we kind of started yelling at each other, and then I decided to come here to check on you, and... I didn't really feel like talking to him any more. I love him, but... it's getting unbearable. This is really taking a toll on him, you know. Yuu is his closest friend, the brother he never had."
"I understand that," Kouyou said quietly.
He knew that Takanori was estranged from his parents due to his homosexuality, and that Yuu had taken him in where he had nowhere else to go. Of course Takanori was especially attached to Yuu - it was only natural. Sometimes, he knew, because Yuu was so mature compared to Takanori, he saw Yuu as a parental figure of sorts.
Of course Takanori would be furious at him for hurting one of the people he loved the most.
"It all boils down to me, doesn't it? I'm the one who caused all this. Me, not anyone else. I lost Yuu. You fought with Takanori. Yutaka left. It's all my fault," Kouyou said, despising himself more than he ever had at that moment. "I can't make it up to him, can I?"
"You can. Go ahead and try to see Yuu, Kou. He's just next door. Go ahead," Akira said softly, even though he did not sound very certain himself.
"Should I?" Kouyou murmured uncertainly.
"Do you really want to let this drag on?" Akira snapped, voice finding strength. "Kouyou, I can see how much you miss him. Just go see him. At least try."
Kouyou's gaze met Akira's and he held it, unblinking. Finally, he sighed and nodded. There was no harm trying, was there? He strode over to the door and opened it, heading over to the apartment next door. Yuu's.
It once looked welcoming. Now it was just foreboding. Anxiety and fear twisted in his stomach as he rang the doorbell, and waited for someone to open up.
Takanori answered the door. His eyes seemed somewhat red, and he glared at Kouyou. "What are you doing here, Kouyou?"
Kouyou said the only thing he could. "I'm sorry."
Takanori's eyes softened, and he stepped aside, revealing Yuu further down the hallway. Yuu walked to the door then. He looked clean and normal, but there was an emptiness in his gaze that spoke volumes.
It frightened Kouyou, and made his heart ache.
"Yuu..." Kouyou choked out, tears springing to his eyes. Tears he had not shed since the 'break'.
Something flickered in Yuu's eyes. A spark of life. Pain. Misery.
"Kouyou," Yuu said softly. "Go."
Kouyou bit his lip. "Yuu, no."
"Leave, Kouyou," Yuu said blankly.
Yuu began to close the door, but not before Kouyou managed to say the words he had been too late in saying ages ago. "Yuu, I love you."
Rarr. I meant to update earlier this week... but I was busy. Especially since Gackt came to Singapore (well, he's still here~!) and I was in town trying to stalk find him. Without success. But eh. Whatever. HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY KAI. That is all~
And do tell me if I have any typos. I need to stop staying up till 3 AM. Boo~ Right~ I'm off now, so I can watch the VROCK Festival in... seven hours! YAY!