Halloween...

[silveryslippers]

Hey, long time... so things have been kind of sorta weird lately. Been spending a LOT of time with my aunt, we're delivering phone books so that I can at least maybe have a little extra money to save so I can start paying my bills again. That'd be rather swell. ;) But anyways, we've had some rather interesting conversations. Talking about family, past issues and why that side hardly ever says anything to Nelle and I and whatnot... turns out a memory that I have from when I was like 4ish about when my dad left actually happened. Well, minus him kicking my mom, but everything else from me remembering that he came back because he'd forgotten his wallet to my mom screaming at him and him getting so frustrated with it that he shoved her... it's also weird to then see your parents in a totally different frame. Spending your whole life practically looking at them one way and then with just one look on someone's face that whole view changes. It's kind of scary really. Let's see, what else... She totally understands my... not really sure what to call it, but my need to have constant change. It wasn't SO bad in college due to having classes change every few months, but now with things continually the same and having been in a situation that wasn't very healthy for the last year it's gotten a bit more drastic. Not to mention I'm fairly certain I have at least a thin slice of depression sneaking in, it'd be nice to talk to someone professionally about it and nip it out before it gets bad, but oh wait, I have neither a job for money, nor health insurance, so scratch that idea. I have a couple options right now of what I COULD do. Main goal is to move to Canada asap... BUT I either need a job before going OR I need to have at least $10,000 saved up. Since I'm not sure how likely they'd be to hire someone who doesn't have residency yet I'm thinking the plan is to save up the money which totally irks me because if I'd managed my money wisely AT ALL while in Chicago I'd have over that much saved right now seeing as I saved up for only 2 months before moving back and I had over $2,000. *sigh* Hindsight always does have the best view. Anyways... That's the main goal. The options I have to make it to that goal are to either stay here and help out my aunt with phone books and just move with her wherever I need to, except I won't be on the payroll she'll just be paying me half of what she makes so I wouldn't be able to prove I'd been working which isn't a good thing, and HOPEFULLY be able to pay the bills and save up some... it would just take FOREVER. OR, I take my friend's offer and move out to Idaho, have my own apartment and a full-time job that gives me health insurance and all those other fun benefits, plus a social life and a chance to feel like I CAN actually make it on my own. OR, I file for bankrupcy, get another job around here, save up all the money I can by continuing to live at home, continue looking for a job in Canada from here and then move asap. Hmmm, not sure yet which idea sounds better. Don't really like the idea of filing for bankrupcy... even though it only stays on record for 7 years and my credit won't follow me into Canada anyways... lol I don't like the idea because that really would mean that I'd failed. And that doesn't settle right with me. So that's the last straw option. We'll see what happens after I work a bit. See how many of my bills I can pay on.
Halloween starts in a little less than an hour... it's sad that this is my favorite holiday and yet I won't be doing a damned thing for it. Josh is at Northern (where I'd LOVE to be right now), Doug, well I don't know what he's doing but chances are I'm leaving for either Oscoda or Jackson tomorrow so I can't do anything with him either. I mean even last year I got to go to a corn maze! *sigh* At least I got to have a caramel apple and cider from an orchard, and Nelle and Jay carved a punkin and Jay stole some for Mikey and Mia. lol
Now though, I think it's time for bed. I'm tired and chances are my aunt's going to call me early. Maybe I'll have that dream again. lol =P
Enough for now.