enough now.
the discussion didn't go exactly the way I wanted but my parents said I can go if I can get someone to pick me up from salem. I texted erin and she said she could do it. thank god. I'm going to visit linfield. thank you god.
what I took away from the discussion I had with my parents was that essentially they believe that I haven't had enough life experience to warrant their respect of me as an independent person. according to my dad my life hasn't been hard enough for me to even begin to know the meaning of hard work. great. so basically everything I tried to argue for myself he discounted because I didn't enlist in the navy to pay for college. well fuck you very much, my life is not what yours was. if I could get out from under your thumb, I would, in a second. without a second thought. believe me. but I don't have the resources to do that right now. so it's all just a fucking ring around the rosy until I get out of college.
no matter what my dad says, he will never think of me as an adult until I am fully out from under him. until he's not paying for anything or helping me with anything and even then he still won't respect me because he's giving me a car in my junior year and letting me keep it, and paying for part of my college and all that wonderful shit. no matter what he says. he will never respect me for who I am because I will never be good enough for him. and it's the most frustrating thing in the world because I am so tired of being treated like a child. I wish they would let go but it's not happening. so from this point out, I give up.
I give up arguing. I give up wanting more than they deem is my fair share. I give up what scrap of independence I thought I might've had here. I give up. I let go. they win. I don't care anymore. I'm done fighting.
what I took away from the discussion I had with my parents was that essentially they believe that I haven't had enough life experience to warrant their respect of me as an independent person. according to my dad my life hasn't been hard enough for me to even begin to know the meaning of hard work. great. so basically everything I tried to argue for myself he discounted because I didn't enlist in the navy to pay for college. well fuck you very much, my life is not what yours was. if I could get out from under your thumb, I would, in a second. without a second thought. believe me. but I don't have the resources to do that right now. so it's all just a fucking ring around the rosy until I get out of college.
no matter what my dad says, he will never think of me as an adult until I am fully out from under him. until he's not paying for anything or helping me with anything and even then he still won't respect me because he's giving me a car in my junior year and letting me keep it, and paying for part of my college and all that wonderful shit. no matter what he says. he will never respect me for who I am because I will never be good enough for him. and it's the most frustrating thing in the world because I am so tired of being treated like a child. I wish they would let go but it's not happening. so from this point out, I give up.
I give up arguing. I give up wanting more than they deem is my fair share. I give up what scrap of independence I thought I might've had here. I give up. I let go. they win. I don't care anymore. I'm done fighting.