Lies Women Believe....
Great book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. What's incredibly frightening to me is the shape of my soul, which I thought wasn't doing too bad. WRONG! I knew I've been drifting lately, but honestly this book is revealing so many things to me. Not easy to see things either. Hence the crude list about to follow:
*Mom.....I should treat her with more respect, to show a good example to the girls. Also, is it time we live separately? She's anxious all the time and says its due to lack of breathing room. I think it's because she's doing too much with the girls....I feel like the blame lies with me for not monitoring the situation properly. I should've seen the warning signs, been more vigilant, intervened sooner.
***As I wrote this, I felt the knot of anger in my chest unclench for the first time in 3 days. I sent her apology flowers...hope it helps.
*Greg, Kevin, Jon....I've been oscillating between good girl and depraved hussy. No wonder they can't keep up. I've been leading 2 guys on at the time same time, even though I haven't technically lied it still feels wrong....is wrong. I've let the boundaries blur wide open. I've been trying anything lately to fill the gaping hole of loneliness inside me. I've been acting like the kind of girls I despise....attention seeking, settling for guys I don't want just to not be alone and have an excuse to get out of the house. And it became so....easy. Frightening how sin goes from strange to habit in the blink of an eye.
This leads into unfulfilled longings.....I've been under the impression that the only way to stay sane is to have occasional sex or junk food or tv or whatever to keep the longings from taking me under. Nancy says in the book that we will NEVER feel completely fulfilled this side of heaven and that we have to suffer these longings until they can be fulfilled in a godly manner (i.e. sex within a marriage, food but not to excess)
There's more but I need to clean while the babies nap. Much love!