Christmas 2013
This December and Christmas season in general went by in a blur. Court, kid illnesses, car trouble and the like pretty much consumed me. The girls went to see their dad on Christmas Eve at 5, and then I got them back today (Dec 26) at 10am. I missed them like crazy. While they were gone I felt this emptiness, like I was supposed to be be doing something and then I'd remember that my babies were very far from me and even worse I had no idea if they were being well taken care of. But when I got them back this morning everything seemed like it had gone OK with Wendy supervising them the whole time. It's hard to get an accurate picture from Lydia, and I dont want to pry too much. I think she feels like if she tells me anything "bad" that might've happened she won't get to see her daddy again :( Our next court date is January 24th, hopefully its the big one where we get an official ruling on visitation and we can finally get divorced after 3 long years.
We did Christmas at our house with Mom, Sean and the girls on Dec 23rd. It was chaotic and fun. Sean got me a lovely ruby heart shaped ring. I got him some random stuff and an ornament for our first Christmas. The girls were spoiled rotten! I sewed them princess aprons, they got jammies and dolls and clothes and then of course Sean got them Zoomie, an insanely expensive robotic dog that Lydia had been begging for. Santa came the next day and brought Lydia a Lalaloopsy doll and Mabel a doll that uses the potty.
So Christmas Eve after the festivities at Nana Bea's, Sean and I drove back from Vandalia and spent the night at my house. I had to work the next day (Christmas). It was a weird day at work, lacking the usual people and rhythm but we made it through. Sean caught the girls' bug and wasnt feeling so hot. I tried to bring him the traditional "chinese turkey" a la A Christmas Story but no place in Fenton was open. So I brought him a pizza and wine from the gas station and we ate, I got a little too drunk and we passed out in bed with netflix on. This morning I got up, went to Fairview Heights and got the girls back. We went grocery shopping, finally got our chinese food and came home. Lydia acted up all day and then would feel bad and try to make it better by giving me quarters LOL. Poor baby. She is really angry. She kicked me today because she didnt like what I was telling her to do. Scary stuff. Thats the crappy thing about divorce, I never know if I'm equipping her properly to deal with all the stresses form it. Mabel too, but she's still little.
I struggled this year with the busy-ness, consumerism and Santa stuff. In previous years I have always been the #1 Christmas/Santa fan but this year I wanted to barf. All I could think about was the wastefulness of it all, the distraction from the real meaning of Christmas. I prayed for guidance on the matter and protection from too much of the fake stuff. My heart was never in it. And Nana Bea's house felt so distinctly different, I just kept wishing I didn't have to be there. I wanted to go to church. A bunch of grands and great grands weren't even there and it felt disrespectful to Nana Bea. Not to mention my girls were gone too. Maggie wasn't there because of all her bipolar things that have gone on lately she's not speaking to Mom or I, and I'm just avoiding getting tangled up her mental illness. Jenny is fighting with Bea, Mom, Julie and Geno. John is fighting with people too. Colleen, Jason, Matt, Steve, Brian, and Susie weren't there. It was the barest Christmas Eve I can ever remember. You could see it written on people's faces that they were grinning and bearing it for Nana Bea. How different from my lovely childhood memories of that night. If only Grandpa Gene could see how things are now.
So please self, remember this for next year! Help your kids focus on giving to the needy and the true significance of the birth of Christ. Let Santa and Elf on the Shelf stay in hiding. Avoid the mass gift giving and overeating and shopping and events. I will be praying about this all year long for a change to come. Merry Christmas!
We did Christmas at our house with Mom, Sean and the girls on Dec 23rd. It was chaotic and fun. Sean got me a lovely ruby heart shaped ring. I got him some random stuff and an ornament for our first Christmas. The girls were spoiled rotten! I sewed them princess aprons, they got jammies and dolls and clothes and then of course Sean got them Zoomie, an insanely expensive robotic dog that Lydia had been begging for. Santa came the next day and brought Lydia a Lalaloopsy doll and Mabel a doll that uses the potty.
So Christmas Eve after the festivities at Nana Bea's, Sean and I drove back from Vandalia and spent the night at my house. I had to work the next day (Christmas). It was a weird day at work, lacking the usual people and rhythm but we made it through. Sean caught the girls' bug and wasnt feeling so hot. I tried to bring him the traditional "chinese turkey" a la A Christmas Story but no place in Fenton was open. So I brought him a pizza and wine from the gas station and we ate, I got a little too drunk and we passed out in bed with netflix on. This morning I got up, went to Fairview Heights and got the girls back. We went grocery shopping, finally got our chinese food and came home. Lydia acted up all day and then would feel bad and try to make it better by giving me quarters LOL. Poor baby. She is really angry. She kicked me today because she didnt like what I was telling her to do. Scary stuff. Thats the crappy thing about divorce, I never know if I'm equipping her properly to deal with all the stresses form it. Mabel too, but she's still little.
I struggled this year with the busy-ness, consumerism and Santa stuff. In previous years I have always been the #1 Christmas/Santa fan but this year I wanted to barf. All I could think about was the wastefulness of it all, the distraction from the real meaning of Christmas. I prayed for guidance on the matter and protection from too much of the fake stuff. My heart was never in it. And Nana Bea's house felt so distinctly different, I just kept wishing I didn't have to be there. I wanted to go to church. A bunch of grands and great grands weren't even there and it felt disrespectful to Nana Bea. Not to mention my girls were gone too. Maggie wasn't there because of all her bipolar things that have gone on lately she's not speaking to Mom or I, and I'm just avoiding getting tangled up her mental illness. Jenny is fighting with Bea, Mom, Julie and Geno. John is fighting with people too. Colleen, Jason, Matt, Steve, Brian, and Susie weren't there. It was the barest Christmas Eve I can ever remember. You could see it written on people's faces that they were grinning and bearing it for Nana Bea. How different from my lovely childhood memories of that night. If only Grandpa Gene could see how things are now.
So please self, remember this for next year! Help your kids focus on giving to the needy and the true significance of the birth of Christ. Let Santa and Elf on the Shelf stay in hiding. Avoid the mass gift giving and overeating and shopping and events. I will be praying about this all year long for a change to come. Merry Christmas!