And the sun with its brightness
It still saddens me greatly that Madeleine L'Engle is no longer in the world creating and that I took so long to get into her stories. I suppose it is good in a way that I still have a while before I "come to the end" of her works, but to know that there will be no more insight and wit from her is disheartening.
Anyways, today seems much brighter for some reason. Perhaps it is because the weather outside is actually fall-like for the first time and gorgeous or because I feel like I can turn a page at a time to get through my challenges. It is probably a combination of, in addition to the fact that I had a lovely talk with my Millennial Capitalisms professor about my paper, the class, and even my potential Capstone paper project. She thought my Capstone paper idea (read: thesis with a pretty new name--like Davidson calling tests "reviews" only slightly less cruel) was a good start and would be pretty interesting (and it combines China AND Japan!). She even gave me a few pointers and offered to look over proposals that I might submit for grant money to travel this summer to Japan and China for research. (Note to self: 1) research grants/scholarships 2) apply ASAP). It'll be a lot of work, but what's worth it usually is.
I still need to keep reading and working on improving my writing style. It is so all over the place still, and I feel so distant from my writing when I write formal papers. Paper writing always feels like speaking a completely foreign tongue that I am just spreading around liberally, hoping that no notices that my language ability might not be up to par. Dr. Nelson used to always equate papers with showing that a student "knew how to dance in high heels, and which fork to use when" and essentially proper etiquette, which makes me think of dancing "properly". XD Working on that, yes. ^-^ Maybe I'll learn to like this research thing yet and end up pursuing that PhD, but if I decide not to, I would be cool with that too. It is my decision and in that I should be confident.
Played guitar last night for the first time in a while. My fingers remember better than I give them credit! I started messing around with some chords and strum patterns, so maybe I'll write a song in time, though I feel like my voice still greatly overpowers my guitar skills. XD Not that surprising when you think of how long I've been experimenting with my voice versus experimenting with guitar. Maybe one day they will be on par with each other.
I wonder if today's mood was not influenced by yesterday's occurrences. I came home with every intention of having a lightning-fast dinner before bolting out the door to my Anime class screening, but that plan was trashed as soon as teary-eyed Kara told me she had had to put her hamster down earlier that day. T_T I stuck around to comfort her for a bit. Her emotions over Panda brought up all sorts emotions about Angel, who would have been 14 on last Sunday, so we reminisced with ice cream before we returned to work. Maybe the emotions we felt and the memories of the pets we loved has helped brighten today for some reason.
I don't think it is necessarily a new appreciation for life, although that does generally accompany the death of a loved one or pet, but I'd say the connection comes from a renewed outlook at the good in life and the good that can still exist in the bad, annoying, and sometimes dismal outlook of day-to-day life. Perhaps I feel a renewed commitment to seeing that good today, which is a feeling that I should feel more often. It probably helps when you wake up in the morning and after hitting the snooze a few times your mind jump-starts and leaps into the ideas of the day instead of shuffling through the to-do list. I feel this is especially true for me now with this Millennial Capitalisms class where we focus on the development of capitalism and how the consumer economy, isolating portability of products and the constant desire for new and better things, especially if what we currently have isn't pleasing us, is breaking down community culture and commitment at a frightening rate. And I can't say that I'm above it all the time myself. *she says as she types these thoughts in her blog* I guess I will have to keep working hard to be committed to whatever or whomever I decide to commit to in my life. We all should.
And before we o.d. on intellectual musings, I end the entry here and say "have a good weekend one and all". Time to study more Chinese before I head off to my last two classes of the week + anime screening. Laters!
Anyways, today seems much brighter for some reason. Perhaps it is because the weather outside is actually fall-like for the first time and gorgeous or because I feel like I can turn a page at a time to get through my challenges. It is probably a combination of, in addition to the fact that I had a lovely talk with my Millennial Capitalisms professor about my paper, the class, and even my potential Capstone paper project. She thought my Capstone paper idea (read: thesis with a pretty new name--like Davidson calling tests "reviews" only slightly less cruel) was a good start and would be pretty interesting (and it combines China AND Japan!). She even gave me a few pointers and offered to look over proposals that I might submit for grant money to travel this summer to Japan and China for research. (Note to self: 1) research grants/scholarships 2) apply ASAP). It'll be a lot of work, but what's worth it usually is.
I still need to keep reading and working on improving my writing style. It is so all over the place still, and I feel so distant from my writing when I write formal papers. Paper writing always feels like speaking a completely foreign tongue that I am just spreading around liberally, hoping that no notices that my language ability might not be up to par. Dr. Nelson used to always equate papers with showing that a student "knew how to dance in high heels, and which fork to use when" and essentially proper etiquette, which makes me think of dancing "properly". XD Working on that, yes. ^-^ Maybe I'll learn to like this research thing yet and end up pursuing that PhD, but if I decide not to, I would be cool with that too. It is my decision and in that I should be confident.
Played guitar last night for the first time in a while. My fingers remember better than I give them credit! I started messing around with some chords and strum patterns, so maybe I'll write a song in time, though I feel like my voice still greatly overpowers my guitar skills. XD Not that surprising when you think of how long I've been experimenting with my voice versus experimenting with guitar. Maybe one day they will be on par with each other.
I wonder if today's mood was not influenced by yesterday's occurrences. I came home with every intention of having a lightning-fast dinner before bolting out the door to my Anime class screening, but that plan was trashed as soon as teary-eyed Kara told me she had had to put her hamster down earlier that day. T_T I stuck around to comfort her for a bit. Her emotions over Panda brought up all sorts emotions about Angel, who would have been 14 on last Sunday, so we reminisced with ice cream before we returned to work. Maybe the emotions we felt and the memories of the pets we loved has helped brighten today for some reason.
I don't think it is necessarily a new appreciation for life, although that does generally accompany the death of a loved one or pet, but I'd say the connection comes from a renewed outlook at the good in life and the good that can still exist in the bad, annoying, and sometimes dismal outlook of day-to-day life. Perhaps I feel a renewed commitment to seeing that good today, which is a feeling that I should feel more often. It probably helps when you wake up in the morning and after hitting the snooze a few times your mind jump-starts and leaps into the ideas of the day instead of shuffling through the to-do list. I feel this is especially true for me now with this Millennial Capitalisms class where we focus on the development of capitalism and how the consumer economy, isolating portability of products and the constant desire for new and better things, especially if what we currently have isn't pleasing us, is breaking down community culture and commitment at a frightening rate. And I can't say that I'm above it all the time myself. *she says as she types these thoughts in her blog* I guess I will have to keep working hard to be committed to whatever or whomever I decide to commit to in my life. We all should.
And before we o.d. on intellectual musings, I end the entry here and say "have a good weekend one and all". Time to study more Chinese before I head off to my last two classes of the week + anime screening. Laters!