The Truth of Shadows (Chapter 6)

[silverkytten]

DISCLAIMER: All characters depicted in sexual situations are fictional and are intended to be and considered to be by the author of said material of the legal age of consent in the United States state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.

Author: SilverKytten
Title: The Truth of Shadows (chapter 6)
Rating: R
Pairing: IchigoxUkitake
Warnings: Yaoi, language, angst, mild early series spoilers
Summary: Sometimes the person you least expect is the one who finds you in the darkness.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. All characters associated with the series are the property of Tite Kubo; I am simply borrowing them for my own amusement.

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)

(Chapter 4)

(Chapter 5)


Friday, part 2 -

~ "The hardest thing to do is to walk away, knowing that tomorrow may never come." ~

I headed for the front door, and behind me I could feel Ukitake following, pausing to say something to Urahara but I didn't wait. I slipped into the cool night air and turned, passing through the throng of people still milling in the street. A darkened alley opened beside me and I slipped into the shadows to escape the crowd. Ukitake found me before I'd made it half a block, catching my arm and pressing me into a wall. He braced his forearms on either side of my head, leaning down to stare at me before slowly claiming my mouth.

"Are you always this high strung?" He murmured against my lips, smile curling faintly at his own humor.

"Probably," I admitted breathlessly, reaching out to taste the tongue sliding into my mouth.

He chuckled low in his throat, the vibrations tingling between us as his hands slid to my neck, thumbs tracing over my racing pulse. I caught the edge of his shirt as I trailed up his back, the exposed skin warm beneath my fingers. He shivered faintly at the cool touch, pressing me into the wall as our tongues danced together. His hands traced over me, settling on my hips and I groaned, my fingers sliding further up his spine. He broke from my mouth, trailing kisses along my jaw and my head hit the wall as he started down my neck.

I couldn't even think, my hips bucking against his hold. I'd never been so hard in my entire life, and I needed the burn of friction or I was going to lose my mind. I tightened an arm around his waist, my free hand twisting in the short hairs at the base of his skull. My fingers slid lower, hooking the strap around his neck and I pulled him up, catching his mouth, slipping my tongue past his still parted lips. His hands faltered on my hips and I jerked, shuddering as his body rolled against mine. I did it again, stealing his hitched breath, and he choked off a moan, tearing his mouth away from my continued assault.

"It's not a fight, Kurosaki," he panted against my kiss, but there was a darkening in his eyes that said he didn't mind at all. "You don't have to force my submission."

"Stop calling me that," I groaned, licking the curve of his mouth.

He nipped at my lips, pulling back to catch me with his heavy, liquid gaze. "If I call you anything else, you're not going to make it home tonight."

Well there was a fucking idea.

I hadn't been thinking that far ahead, but I really didn't need to because the words burned over me and I knew exactly how I felt about it. His mouth found my neck again and I made a sound that should have been embarrassing, except that I was beyond caring. It was thrilling, and electric, and a little terrifying all at the same time. The shard of rational thought that was still left functioning knew that shit would probably hurt, but it didn't even matter. Life hurt all the time, but I kept doing it anyway, and I would have given anything in that moment to feel his skin against mine.

"Call me Ichigo," I whispered against his ear, catching his earring between my teeth.

He groaned faintly as my tongue traced his lobe, a shiver running through him when I sucked a little harder.

"You're terrible," he panted along the curve of my throat, his voice a low rumble as he leaned into my touch.

He broke free and caught my mouth, the kiss burning hotter, wilder, deeper than before. His hands cupped my neck, thumbs sliding under my jaw to tilt my head back as he possessed me. I arched into him, my fingers digging into his hip as I dragged him to meet my aching body. I moaned along his tongue, grinding against whatever friction I could find, desperate and needy. My other hand slipped back under his shirt, nails scraping over flawless skin. He shifted, his thigh sliding between my legs and my head fell back on a sharp hiss as he moved slowly, deliberately against me.

"As tempting as your offer may be, Kurosaki, this is neither the time nor the place."

Seemingly at odds with his words, his hips rolled again, thigh dragging over me in a way that stole my breath. I groaned, feeling like there were some serious mixed signals going on, but not really caring as long as he didn't stop. My head fell forward against his shoulder, eyes squeezing shut as I ground into him.

Unfortunately, he seemed to recognize his lapse as well, stilling against me and starting to pull away. My arms tightened, holding him in place.

"Don't," I breathed, lips brushing the leather around his neck.

"I can't, Kurosaki."

He leaned back to catch my gaze, brows pulling together in painful reluctance. I could read everything in that fractured moment, his face open and unguarded across the scant space between us. He wanted to continue so bad that he was trembling, but his lingering hesitance was stronger than his need. I was too young, and it was so fast, and the future was just too uncertain with everything left to come. He didn't want to hurt me, and he didn't want to be hurt, but there was no room for promises in our brutal, crumbling world.

"I'd let you do it," I whispered, and even the need and understanding couldn't keep the awkwardness from my voice. I dropped my eyes but continued anyway. "I'd let you fuck me."

I felt him tense for a moment and knew I'd said it badly, but I willed him to understand the underlying thought.

He sighed, resting his forehead against my hair. "Kurosaki..."

"I want you to," I pressed, needing him to understand even if I really didn't myself.

He leaned away and caught my chin, pulling me to meet his dark, searching gaze.

"Do you?" He frowned softly, thumb tracing my cheek, and there were a dozen different questions in the deceptively simple words.

"I just…," I didn't know how to say it when I wasn't sure what it meant. Anxiety and acceptance all tied in a knot, and I was left trying to find the answers at the tip of my tongue. "I just want…you." I shrugged, because in the end it was all I knew, but it was enough.

His eyes softened but the frown remained, his thumb still trailing patterns over my skin. "You're young; you still have plenty of time to -"

"I don't," I cut him off gently, holding his gaze as I leaned into the touch. "You know that I don't; or at least you can't know that I do."

A look of profound sadness flitted across his face and I felt a twinge of guilt even though I'd only spoken the truth. He detangled himself and ran a hand over his hair, turning to lean against the wall, so close that our shoulders touched.

"It would be unbearable to have you live with the regret of a decision made for all the wrong reasons." He reached up, working the buckle on his Quincy collar until it finally slid free, baring his throat to the thickening air. He turned it over in his hands, staring down but not really seeing it. "You should take the time to find out what you want, and who you want, before you rush head-long past your natural apprehension."

I frowned because the words didn't fit and it took me a minute to realize exactly how fucked my approach had been. He'd read my awkwardness as reluctant acceptance, like I was grasping at the opportunity because I might not get another. If that were the case then he was a matter of convenience, a means to an end I was rushing recklessly toward. He was caught in a moment of uncertainty, I could see it in his face, and for once his own conflict kept him from reading me like a book.

"It's not like that," I muttered, heart pounding painfully in my chest. I ran a frustrated hand over my face, trying to straighten out my thoughts.

The faint chime of his phone sounded in the stillness, but he ignored it in favor of turning to meet my gaze.

"Then what is it like?"

Even though I'd known the question was coming I couldn't stop my wince, but damn me and damn my awkward bullshit, I was going to make it right.

"It's just…." I could already feel the heat creeping into my face. I licked my suddenly dry lips and gave it another shot. "It's just…" Fuck, that was the same thing again. I took a deep breath. "I know what I want, and who I want, but it's a fucking weird thing to say out loud, you know? How the fuck am I supposed to say...that?"

I winced again as he cocked a dark brow, but I could see the comprehension dawning behind his suddenly shrewd gaze. It made my face burn even hotter, and suddenly I felt compelled to explain.

"I mean I never thought I'd say…it's just….I mean, I'd let you…you know…." Fucking fantastic. I couldn't get the words off my tongue, and I was babbling like a moronic 12-year-old girl.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and huffed out an annoyed breath, trying to decide if I was cursed or just a fuck-up. I felt Ukitake's arm shiver against mine, and shot him a suspicious glance from the corner of my eye. He had the backs of his fingers pressed to his tightly pursed lips, trying to forestall the laughter riding along his frame.

"Great," I muttered sullenly, but I could already feel my lips twitching in response.

His free arm slid between me and the wall, and I let him pull me against him because it was where I wanted to be anyway. I turned toward him, dropping my forehead onto his shoulder, and he chuckled into my hair, shaking his head slowly.

"You find the most interesting things to be embarrassed about," he murmured, hands sliding further up my spine as he pulled back to look at me. I met his gaze slowly, fighting the heat in my cheeks. "Of all the possible complications, the dozens of legitimate, practical concerns, you waste your worry on something as mundane as phrasing."

"Well, it is pretty fucked up," I grumbled, my eyes drifting to his mouth.

"Not as much as you seem to think," he assured me, lips curling up at one corner.

My gaze flicked back up, and I gave him the best flat stare I could manage, which wasn't very good at all.

"Who says shit like that? I mean, I'd let you… you know..." I still couldn't get it out. It was amazing I managed the first time.

"I don't know," he chuckled again, leaning in to brush his lips against my temple. He continued forward, jaw grazing my cheek, tongue slipping out to trace my earlobe. My breath hitched and I felt him smile, lips moving warm against my skin as he spoke. "I'd let you fuck me."

"S-shit."

A shiver ran the full length of my spine and I swayed forward involuntarily, my body returning to hardness so fast that it drew a ragged gasp from my still shocked lips. I knew he was teasing me, he had to be, and for some reason I felt the need to prove I could keep up.

"Show-off," I grumbled, swallowing thickly and striving desperately for a lighter tone. The grace with which he could say that shit was a real disadvantage for me. "It easy if you don't mean it."

I had a feeling that probably wasn't true, but it was all I had and it sounded okay at the time.

The corner of his mouth pulled faintly and he leaned down, breath mingling with mine only an inch away.

"I did mean it, Kurosaki," he murmured against my lips, and I could taste the words as they slid over my skin. "I actually prefer it that way, truth be told."

"Huh?" I whispered distractedly, my foggy brain trying to find some meaning in the seemingly foreign words. And then suddenly it clicked. "Oh fuck. You'd want…I mean…you want me to..."

"More than I should," he admitted softly, brushing a kiss over my still fumbling mouth.

I shivered under his touch, pressing him deeper into the wall as unbidden images chased fast through my mind. His arms tightened around me and he chuckled, catching my lower lip for a brief second between his teeth. I almost lost it, washed away in the moment, before my brain finally stalled at an unfortunate, inescapable fact.

"I'd be shit," I blurted out stupidly, and of all the things I could have said it was both the most honest and the least sexy. I felt my high start to evaporate in the face of the sheer number of things I could possibly fuck up. "I don't know how…but you know that, right? I mean, I'd be…fuck-"

He leaned forward, sealing his lips over mine, licking the words from my tongue in a long, slow stroke.

"You'd be beautiful," he murmured, pulling back to study me fondly, "and even if you weren't at first, I have near infinite patience in some things."

He smiled and I couldn't help but smile back, even though I could see some of the old wistfulness settling into his gaze.

"Unfortunately," he continued, his hands shifting to my hips, "I was also telling the truth when I said this was neither the time nor the place."

I could see the resolve burrowing deeper as the last vestiges of his music drugged high began to fade, and even though the words were light, I knew where the underlying current led.

"So old enough to drink and old enough to die, but not old enough to fuck," I muttered, feeling tired but unable to find the anger I'd expected. I was hard to fault him for something that could very well be true.

"Your phrasing is atrocious," he leaned his head against the wall, "and it's not that simple."

"I know," I said softly, because I honestly did. "It never is."

Simplicity wasn't a luxury any of us had anymore, and there were probably a hundred different reasons that it was a bad idea. I didn't want to hear them. I didn't need to. I must have been a paradox to him. Not a child, but not a man; not a human, but not a Shinigami. Fuck, with the memory of that hollow laugh still burning in my ears I knew there was a good chance I might not be either. He was my escape from the shadow of my make-believe life, but I was his reluctant, conflicted sin. As the pull of wild abandon slipped from my veins, it suddenly felt wrong to push him past his better judgment just so I could find a moments peace. He'd seen enough shit to last a dozen lifetimes, and he didn't deserve more from me.

In the stretching silence I heard his phone ring again, a faint chime in the night, but he still made no move to answer it. The sound was enough to jar me from my reflection, though, and I tried pull away but his hands wouldn't relinquish their hold. I sought out his gaze in silent confusion and found him watching me with a mixture of infinite longing and quiet reluctance. One of his hands finally slid free, rising to ghost fingers over my lips and cheek. They trailed further, gliding over the curve of my ear and he sighed.

"Forgive me, Kurosaki," he whispered softly, and I couldn't even ask why because his lips were on mine.

It was different than before, less frantic and more profound. Without any outside influence, and consumed in his control, I was lost in the simple, intoxicating feel of him. Ukitake Juushiro kissed like art; every touch, move and taste coiling together in graceful harmony. I was dimly aware that we were moving, but even when the fence across the alley pressed into my back I couldn't find the will to care. I followed his every move, I couldn't help it, and his finesse played over me drawing out my own. After what could have been years he finally pulled away, thumbs stroking my neck as he panted against my lips.

"I want you," he admitted quietly, almost as if to himself. "Very much. More than I should. More than I wanted to."

His lips brushed mine once more, like he wanted to memorize the feel of them pressed against his skin.

"You erode my control, and I know it's dangerous, but I have trouble even being concerned at times like these." He pulled back slightly, eyes flicking to meet mine. "I am not accustomed to hesitation or uncertainty, but I find myself in that position increasingly often as of late."

"Sorry," I said softly, because I didn't know what else to say.

"Stop apologizing at random," he chuckled, leaning away to grant me some space.

"Sorry?" I cocked an eyebrow and smiled when his laughter deepened.

His phone rang again before he could form a reply, and he glanced down at his pocket with a sigh of frustration.

"Fuck, Juushiro. How many people have your number?" I wondered aloud, watching him retrieve the phone with obvious reluctance.

"Only five," he replied absently, staring down at the screen. He sighed again and I swear he might have even rolled his eyes a little before finally answering it.

"Is this in any way important, Shunsui?" He asked in lieu of a traditional greeting.

He shifted as he waited for a reply, turning to lean against the chain link beside me and tossing me an apologetic look. I just shrugged, because even though Kyouraku-taichou was a bit of a trip, even I would have answered after three calls. Something might have been wrong. He slid a little closer and I realized that, either by accident or design, I could hear the muted voice on the other side of the line. I guessed it was probably intentional. He didn't seem the type to be careless.

"-but Yama-jii was picking on me, so it took awhile."

"So, can I assume this is not, in fact, important?" Ukitake sighed, drawing up a knee and propping his heel against the fence.

"Of course it is; it's always important. You're not at your hotel…."

"You're right, I'm not," Ukitake agreed, sounding amused. "Are you at my hotel?"

"Yeah…I was trying to head off Kiyone and Sentarou, but Yama-jii wanted to lecture me about discretion and responsibility before he'd give me clearance."

Ukitake shook his head, reaching up to knead the skin between his brows with two fingers.

"And why would Kiyone and Sentarou be at my hotel?" He sounded resigned, like he could already guess at the answer.

"Well, they apparently got into an argument about whether or not you'd need help wrapping up your mission, which led to a fight. Then that led to another argument about whether you'd be sad about either being away from Seireitei or coming back, I couldn't really tell. Apparently they've been concerned lately, which is nothing new, I suppose. I imagine you know where it goes from there…"

"Unfortunately," Ukitake acknowledged, tilting his head to meet my blatant stare. "They would undoubtedly assume that my strict orders to remain in Seireitei were merely a suggestion, and not at all in my best interest."

"That does sound like them." The disembodied voice agreed.

"And of course they would then feel the need to seek me out as quickly and loudly as possible lest I find myself in want of anything they could provide."

"Of course."

Ukitake sighed again, but with the air of someone who was far too familiar with his current predicament.

"Normally I wouldn't have bothered you, because you have that wonderful gigai, but I can feel that you've been using your reiatsu, which means they'll be able to find you."

Ukitake tilted his head slightly, his gaze loosing focus for a moment, and I felt a little surge of awareness crawl up my spine. He frowned, eyes narrowing in concentration, and turned his gaze toward the glow of the street. He removed the phone for a moment and I thought I heard him whisper something before I felt another pulse of reiatsu sing over my nerves. When he turned back I could hear laughter coming from the phone as he replaced it at his ear.

"That's only going to buy you 10 minutes at best. What are you up to that requires such secrecy, Juu-chan?"

Ukitake smiled at the nickname, shifting against the fence to face me fully. "Nothing you need to be concerned with."

"You know, I tried Kisuke when I couldn't get you the first time. I was surprised you weren't with him, and even more so when he was interestingly vague about where you'd run off to."

I cocked an eyebrow at that, because I'd never pictured Urahara as the soul of discretion. Ukitake's free hand rose, tracing the lines of my disbelief before threading his fingers into my hair.

"I had other plans," he said blandly, and I couldn't help but grin at the way nothing seemed to concern him.

"If I didn't know you better, Juu-chan, I might think you'd picked up a lovely companion while roaming the night, and were being evasive about it."

"Good thing you know me better than that," Ukitake drawled as his arm slid around me, pulling me closer. He rested his cheek against my hair as he chuckled. "Fortunately I'm not the one who requires lectures on behavior every time I'm out in public."

"Fair enough." I could hear him laughing again. "Besides, I think I might actually drop dead if you came out of your self-imposed celibacy, even if it is getting a bit ridiculous at this point."

"Hmm…," he hummed amusedly, brushing his nose against my temple. "I'd really hate to lose you that way, Shun. I truly hope you weather the shock better than that."

I heard Kyouraku-taichou start to chuckle, but he cut off short. "Hey, wait. What's that supposed to mean?"

"Goodnight, Shun," Ukitake said smoothly. "I'll see you in a bit."

He pressed the end button, cutting the other man off mid-reply, and dropped the phone back into his pocket. His hand cupped my neck and my arm slid around his back as I turned into his embrace, but I already knew what came next.

"This is an unfortunate end to the night," he murmured, brows pulling together even as a smile started to show through.

"Its bullshit," I muttered sullenly, even though I felt calmer than I had in years. "Your people are out of control."

"Oh, I'm well aware," he laughed, his face relaxing as he pulled me fully against him. "But they do mean well."

I huffed out an annoyed breath but didn't argue. I'd seen the way he was with his subordinates during our brief encounters in Seireitei. There were like his family and he cared deeply for all of them. It would have been like me trying to tell Chad to stay behind when he thought he was doing what was best for me. Except that Chad wasn't an annoying pain in my ass. Can't really choose your family, thought, so it was what it was.

"They really will be here in moments," he sighed.

"Yeah, I know."

There were so many things left up in the air, and no time to cover what needed to be said. It really was bullshit, but that was my life; it was the nature of our world, and somehow it was okay. I was okay. He kissed me again, slow, and brief, and a little bittersweet. I realized, on some fractured, hazy level, that with the way he kissed I was probably ruined for anyone else, but it didn't matter. I didn't want anyone else.

When he released me I didn't linger, because being grilled by his bat-shit crazy stalkers was trouble no one wanted. Best to avoid it while I could, even though I was determined to head down path sooner rather than later. Fuck it, and fuck them if they couldn't deal with it. He touched my cheek, his fingers hesitating a few seconds longer than they should have before he bid me goodnight and set off away from the club.

"I want to know something," I called after him and he stilled, turning back in my direction and tilting his head in silent question.

"If this was a different time, and there wasn't all the extra shit, and if I was…something…"

I stalled out for a second because I was pretty sure I was on my way to not making sense again, but he seemed to understand.

"Kurosaki, are you asking me if, in a different scenario, I might have let you push me up against the wall of a dark alley and have your way with me?"

When he said it like that it just sounded sleazy, but when I opened my mouth to take it back the curve of his lips stilled the words on my tongue.

"I suppose anything's possible," he drawled slowly, his gaze running hot over me for a lingering moment. "You'll just have to find out for yourself someday, wont you?"

He gave me an absolutely wicked smile, one I wouldn't have believed if I hadn't seen it myself, before turning on his heel and drifting into the gloom. His nearly silent footsteps faded into nothing, but I remained rooted to the spot because I'd forgotten how to do anything else. I felt a slow grin burn its way across my lips and couldn't help the laughter that followed in its wake. Random fucking bullshit, all the damn time.

And I loved it.

.

.

A/N: Well, I'm not quite on the schedule I wanted, but such is life sometimes. I finally have my own computer again, which is certainly making life easier. I might have even had this chapter up sooner, but life keeps throwing me curves. About a week ago, my 1 year old kitten pulled his scratching post down on himself, because he's never heard the term 'cat-like reflexes'. I didn't think anything of it until he was still limping a little while later. I took him to the vet and he'd broken his hip. Seriously. That happened. And to top it off, you can't put a cast on a broken hip. They have to get surgery. 1 year old kitten + broken hip (!) + cat surgery (there really are cat surgeons) = I'd never even considered that a cat could break their hip! (and a late chapter). So yeah, sorry about that.

As for the story, I'd originally planned to end it here and then publish a sequel later. I've even started said sequel. I have, however, received some interest from reviewers about seeing something from Ukitake's perspective in regards to what happened in this story. I don't usually take requests, because I have story outlines going in, but I'll admit this has piqued my interest. I've actually written the better part of a chapter based on that very request, and now am unsure of how I want to proceed.

There would only be the one chapter, and the sequel would still take place, but I'm thinking of leaving it up to the reviewers as to whether I should tack it onto the end of this story or not. Basically, there are two options here. I can either continue this story for one more chapter, giving a glimpse of Ukitake's inner workings, or I can call this story complete as-is. I'd love to hear your opinions one way or the other, and once again, I truly appreciate everyone who has reviewed to this point! Thanks.