The Truth of Shadows (Chapter 4)

[silverkytten]

DISCLAIMER: All characters depicted in sexual situations are fictional and are intended to be and considered to be by the author of said material of the legal age of consent in the United States state of California, regardless of what age these characters may be in the material they are derived from.

Author: SilverKytten
Title: The Truth of Shadows (chapter 4)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: IchigoxUkitake
Warnings: Yaoi, language, angst, mild early series spoilers
Summary: Sometimes the person you least expect is the one who finds you in the darkness.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. All characters associated with the series are the property of Tite Kubo; I am simply borrowing them for my own amusement.

A/N: So…for those of you giving this story a chance, thank you for all the nice feedback. I always appreciate hearing what people think, and welcome any thoughts or reviews you have after this next chapter, as well.

Off you go…

(Chapter 1)

(Chapter 2)

(Chapter 3)


Thursday -

~ "Courage is pushing yourself to the edge of your endurance, and then taking another step." ~

I rested my forehead against the wall, letting the cold from the brick seep into my brain as I stared down at the ground. Turned out I was right when I assumed that sleeping it off wasn't going to give me any answers. I did feel a little better, he was right about that, but it wasn't nearly enough to make me forget about the shit I'd done or how awkward I felt. Thinking about it wasn't really helping either, because I couldn't seem to decide what to be upset about.

I was pretty fucking sure that being attracted to a guy was weird for me, but the problem was that it didn't feel weird. I'd only ever been attracted to girls before, and even that was pretty uncommon, if I was being totally honest. Usually it just made me more self-conscious and a bit edgier around them; like I didn't know quite what to say or how to act.

The last person I had a thing for was Rukia, but that was a total disaster, between feeling indebted to her and having to deal with the new Shinigami shit. Then she'd been sentenced to death and we'd all gone rushing in, and by the time we'd succeeded everything was just so fucked that I didn't feel the same anymore. She was like family now, and I'd repaid my debt. When she'd opted to stay in Soul Society I hadn't even felt bad; I was happy she'd found her peace there.

Whatever this shit was with Ukitake, it was different. I'd never in my whole life felt so compelled to seek out another person's company. Somehow it seemed like the whole thing was totally opposite from the way it usually was. Being around him made me feel calm, talking to him seemed to come easier, and he never made me feel more awkward than I made myself. Unfortunately, I made myself feel pretty fucking awkward without any help at all.

When I first noticed I was attracted to him it hadn't been a physical realization so much as a general one. I found him attractive, but it was hard to tell on what level or what I really wanted to do about it. It had very quickly become clear that it was a physical attraction, at least on some level, and that my body had at least some idea of what it wanted to do, even if the rest of me didn't. Fucking brilliant.

I hated when shit got uncomfortable. I didn't have any experience with that type of thing. Hell, I'd never even kissed anyone, and suddenly I had to worry that I might want to kiss some guy. Did want to, I amended to myself after half a seconds thought, not that it would ever get that far. Fuck, I really needed to stay away from him before I did anymore fucked up shit and he stopped being so cool about it. I'd already decided not to go out anymore, at least not until he left. I figured I'd made him deal with enough of my shit for the week.

Of course that didn't explain what the fuck I was doing outside, leaning against a random wall and trying to think. It was almost 11, far later than I'd ever met him, so I was pretty sure he wouldn't be around. I'd forced myself to stay inside for quite awhile, but I'd lost in the end. Maybe there was a part of me that needed to humiliate myself; maybe I didn't have any fucking self-control at all; and maybe, just maybe, I couldn't get the way he'd looked when he told me he hadn't wanted to help himself out of my head.

I pushed away from the wall, walking the last couple of blocks in moody silence. I really wasn't surprised when I turned the corner and found the street empty, but I did feel a little heavier. I wandered halfway down the block, to the stretch of wall where I'd waited the second night, and pressed my forehead against it, noting the difference in texture between it and my previous wall. It wasn't as cool and it bit into my skin, but variety was the fucking spice of life, after all.

Something touched the edge of my awareness and I glanced up, staring blankly into a pair of dark eyes two stories above me. Ukitake was sitting cross-legged at the edge of the roof, elbows propped on his knees and chin resting on his laced fingers. He hadn't bothered with a gigai, his Shinigami robes dark against his pale skin and his hair trailing softly around him. There was something in his eyes, a haunted sort of wistfulness that sank into me even as it vanished from his face in favor of a faint smile.

"Um…hi," I said brilliantly, and he made a soft noise that may have been a chuckle, disappearing in blur that left me staring into space.

"Lovely evening, Kurosaki-kun," he offered politely from a few steps behind me. Captains could move so fast when they wanted to and I couldn't track him right in my human body.

I turned, casting about for something to say and feeling awkward all over again.

"I didn't think you'd come," he admitted quietly, rescuing me from my private thoughts.

I felt my brows pull in confusion, eyes tracing his tired smile. "Then why'd you wait?"

"In case you did," he said simply, the smile touching his eyes.

I didn't know what to say to that, but a piece of my awkward chill seemed to fall away.

"Would you care to walk with me for awhile?" He offered casually, turning to stare down the empty street.

"I guess," I shrugged, because I couldn't think of anything better to say.

He smiled and set out, and I fell in beside him, feeling far more at ease than I'd expected. As long as he didn't bring it up, and I didn't bring it up, things might just be okay.

"Our options are somewhat limited tonight," he observed thoughtfully, "considering my general invisibility and your body's limited travel range."

"Huh…?" I shot him a questioning look before realizing he meant shunpo. "Oh, right. Hold on."

I stopped abruptly, digging into my pocket as he cast a curious glance in my direction. I finally found what I was looking for, hauling the little green orb into the light to check for debris.

"Soul candy?" He asked, sounding vaguely amused.

"Sorta," I muttered, sliding the thing between my lips.

I felt a tug in my chest and stepped back as Kon stepped forward. I stepped back again as he rounded on me.

"You kidnapped me!" He wailed dramatically, stabbing an accusatory finger in my direction." I told you I was busy tonight and you kidnapped me!"

"You weren't busy," I snapped, smacking his hand out of the way." You were laying on the sidewalk, trying to look up girls' skirts."

"I was on a quest," he shouted shrilly. "You don't understand my…gAACK!"

Kon reeled back, staring wide-eyed at Ukitake, whom he'd apparently just noticed.

"What the fuck is wrong with you now?' I scowled at him.

Kon didn't even spare me a glance, swallowing hard as Ukitake took a step closer.

"You're as high-strung as Kurosaki-kun," he noted conversationally, his brows pulling faintly in question. "I hadn't realized any modified souls survived the purge. How interesting."

Oh fuck, I'd forgotten Kon was some sort of illegal contraband. Fucking Urahara.

"Um, so…Kon, this is Ukitake Juushiro…-taichou," I muttered, trying to inject some calm. Kon, for his part, just blanched and dragged his horrified gaze to me, lips forming silently around the word 'taichou'.

I turned to Ukitake, mostly to get away from the accusation budding in that far too familiar face.

"This is…uhh…Kon. He's…," An illegal and possibly dangerous modified being that I usually house in a stuffed animal…? I had nothing even vaguely useful to say at that moment.

"If I were to guess," Ukitake cut in smoothly, still shifting an interested gaze between us, "I would have to say this traces back to Urahara Kisuke in some way. Really, there's no way it couldn't."

He was absolutely right on that count, so I just shrugged. I wondered, in a detached sort of way, if all roads of weirdness could be tracked back to Urahara in some form or another. Probably. Fucker.

Kon was being unusually quiet, which probably meant he was planning an elaborate escape. That might serve in the short term, but could mean a hell of a lot of trouble if he didn't go somewhere predictable. I needed my body back at some point, and I really didn't feel like chasing his spastic ass around all night to get it.

"Calm the fuck down," I ordered, in what I hoped was an authoritative tone. Judging from the narrowing of Kon's eyes I probably failed, but I persisted doggedly. "No one's going to do any weird shit to you. I just need you to go home."

I really hoped that wasn't a lie and Ukitake, apparently sensing my concern, raised his hands in a show of nonaggression.

"I assure you, I have no interest in disrupting your charmingly complex life," he soothed, offing a reassuring smile.

Kon's look said that he didn't find the smile quite as reassuring as he might have, but some of his coiled tension eased. He looked between us again, and I could see the hint of a question starting to build, but self-preservation won out in the end.

"Whatever," he muttered, in a pretty good show of not caring.

He gave us both another hard look, then crouched low and launched himself skyward, landing on the three story building beside us.

"You owe me, Ichigo," he called down, much braver from the added distance.

"Whatever," I yelled back, fighting down the urge to flash a rude gesture. "Just go home."

For once he didn't argue, turning to disappear into the dark. I highly doubted he would go straight home, but it didn't matter, he'd turn up there eventually. I felt Ukitake shift behind me and turned, offing a half smile which he returned easily.

"So, what now?" I asked, grateful that I at least sounded somewhat casual.

He studied me for a brief second, as though trying to read my deeper thoughts, before turning to stare into the city. A faint breeze stirred in the darkness, lifting tendrils of snowy hair to dance around his face.

"How's your shunpo?" He inquired benignly, lips curling into a warming smile.

"I can keep up with Byakuya in a fight." I shrugged. People seemed to be impressed by that, but I had no idea if it meant anything. Maybe there was some sort of rating system. Who the hell knew?

"And outside of combat?" he prompted, eyeing me with mild curiosity.

"Ummm…." Good fucking question. I couldn't remember ever trying that shit just for the hell of it. "Is it different?"

"It depends on the person, and what they're trying to accomplish," he said, looking as unconcerned as ever by a potential inability to achieve some goal. "For now, why don't you try following me. That's fairly simple and I'll go slow."

I had just enough time to consider being insulted when he disappeared, and I realized that it was way fucking different to follow shunpo without the aid of life and death adrenaline. He reappeared a couple of feet away, tilting his head silently in question. Fuck that; I wasn't letting something like shunpo get the best of me.

The next time he stepped I was ready - sort of - and took off after him, albeit with a bit less grace than I would have liked. Secretly, I was glad he was going slow, even though I never would've admitted it, because it took me a few tries to sync properly. The world flew by in a haze of color, noise and wind, dragging the city out behind me. I felt it when he picked up his pace, and threw myself into the motion, not even caring where my feet took me.

I sensed more than saw him stopping and staggered to a halt, my body giving a lurch of protest against the hasty decision. When I finally settled, the first thing that hit me was the quiet. It wasn't a deafening silence, like the absence of sound, more just the absence of the city. I'd grown so used to it, that I didn't even notice until it was gone. The breeze stirred long grass against my calves, the sound vaguely reminiscent of some far away ocean. I just stared for a moment, watching it sway and bend under the light of the nearly full moon. It was beautiful, peaceful, and in some way I couldn't even describe, a little sad. I felt some of my earlier tension start to slip.

"Sometimes it's good to get away from the rush of the city," he said softly, studying the glow of the world in the distance. "If only to clear your head for a moment."

I couldn't find a reply, even though I knew what he meant, because it only served to remind me of the thoughts I needed to clear. I turned and found Ukitake moving slowly away, his gaze shifting from the city to the hillside beneath his feet. Loose hair fell around his face, hiding him from view and I hesitated, feeling uncertain all over again.

"Kurosaki-kun," My eyes snapped back to his and he smiled faintly, brushing a piece of hair behind his ear. "Would you prefer a different location?"

"No." There was no hesitation in my voice and it surprised me a little, but I realized that I liked the tranquility. Besides, there wasn't anywhere on the fucking planet that would take away yesterday, so it really didn't matter.

His brows pulled together softly, but he didn't question me further. I guess he probably didn't need to; he always seemed to know what I was thinking. He shrugged out of his captains coat, the lining a dark contrast to the white exterior. The moonlight washed it nearly black and I searched my memory for a hint of its true color: Red, maybe? But I couldn't find a source for that bit of guessed knowledge.

He flicked his wrists with practiced ease, and the cloth flared, fluttering briefly before settling onto the grass, dark and shimmering against the rolling hillside. He sank gracefully to his knees pressing the cloth deeper, and ran his hands over it for a moment before sliding lower. He rolled onto his back, staring up at the cloudless sky in silent reflection. His eyes flickered briefly to me, shadowed with the same unease I'd seen earlier that night, before returning to his study.

The fingers of one hand traced over the hilt of a sword, sliding lower to pull the sheath slowly from his sash. He raised it one handed to rest between himself and the moon, staring at it for a moment before laying it aside. He repeated the process a second time, slower than before, until he finally lay still, unarmed beneath the sky.

"Are we creatures of war, Kurosaki?" his voice was smooth in the cool night air, mellow and strangely subdued. "Sometimes it seems that we are awarded only fleeting glimpses of a different life to remind us why we must endure the chaos and destruction."

A breeze ghosted across the hillside, stirring my hair like a phantom touch. He sounded so wistfully sad in that moment, but there was a deeper kind of longing that spoke of tempered regrets. It was like the whisper of ancient wounds, long since healed over, still aching in the bones when the weather turned dark. It was the sound of haunted demons struggling to be free.

I frowned, the grass parting soundlessly as I closed the distance between us. I didn't know how to respond, he'd caught me off guard yet again, and somehow I got the feeling that it hadn't been his intended topic. His Shinigami robes blended into the darkness but his pale hair and skin stood out in sharp relief; one hand toying idly in the swaying grass. I stared down at him, unable to find my words.

"We're making the world a safer place, but in exchange we are unable to ever truly be a part of it." He watched the blades slide between his fingers, as though unaware that he was even speaking.

I slid Zangetsu off my back and lowered him to the ground, rolling my shoulders against the change in weight. I dropped down beside Ukitake, half on his coat, and pulled up my knees, folding my arms across them. He shifted as I settled in; turning his head to search out my gaze and for a moment I could see the centuries of conflict swirling beneath the surface. He seemed to catch himself, his lips pulling into a rueful smile as the tranquility slid back across his face, chasing away the lingering shadows.

"Forgive me," he murmured softly, staring up at me. "Places like this tend to leave me a bit melancholy at times. Please don't concern yourself."

I turned away, facing out toward the glow of the city and rested my chin on my arms. I'd wondered more than once what drew him to me, and even in that moment I still has no answer. I'd thought at first it was my similarity to Kaien, that somewhere in my life he saw an echo of that past. It didn't seem right, though, or at least not enough; there was something else there, but I just couldn't fathom it. Maybe it was simple camaraderie, a mutual sort of understanding, and maybe, on some level, we were looking for the same thing.

"Do you wish for a different life sometimes?" I asked the open air, and fuck if I knew which one of us I was really asking.

"Kurosaki," he sighed, and I could tell he regretted his momentary lapse.

"I think I know more about fighting than anything else in my life," I admitted, turning to catch his gaze from the corner of my eye. "Do you think that's fucked up?"

"A bit," he said, the curve of a smile softening the honesty of his words. "But not wholly unexpected, I suppose."

A part of me wanted to take offense, to ask him what he meant. To demand to know what he thought he knew about my entirely fucked-up world. The larger part kept me silent, though, because after several nights in his company I'd realized he knew more than I ever would have guessed. Too much, sometimes. And I was a little afraid to hear his impression of my somewhat two-dimensional life.

"I don't have a lot of extra time," I began, but the words sounded like an excuse and I let them die in my throat.

"I meant no censure,' he said softly, sitting up beside me and drawing up a knee.

"I know," I assured him, raising my head to look at him fully.

He was such an interesting contrast of complex subtleties, light and dark and everything in between. It fascinated me. He fascinated me. I could feel the heat rising in my face at the thought and it only got worse when he brushed back his hair and I realized I missed his fucking earrings.

"Is that why you do all that shit? To feel normal?" I asked, trying to refocus my thoughts and rushing to clarify when a dark brow rose in question. "You know, the gigai, the food, the music, the d-dancing…"

My mouth snapped shut and I swore a stream of mental curses at myself for walking my ass straight into the realm of bullshit I didn't want to talk about."

His eyes softened and I looked away, not wanting to invite the words that came anyway.

"You don't need to be ashamed," he said; the calm, soothing tone sliding over my frayed nerves.

"It was fucked up," I bit out through a tightening throat, the words as close to an apology as I could manage at the moment.

"It was a natural reaction to something I shouldn't have been doing in the first place," he countered, an edge of authority lacing his tone.

"It wasn't like I was doing fuck-all to stop you," I mumbled, surprised by my lack of shame at the admission.

"I shouldn't have put you in that situation," he said softly, in the same self-deprecating tone he'd used the night before. Somehow, that bothered me more than anything else.

"Yeah, well I didn't notice you having any problems, so it's probably just me fucking shit up again." I fell back, landing mostly on his coat and stared up into the star-splashed darkness. "Don't blame yourself for my bullshit."

It was like the words were pouring out and I just couldn't stop them, but somehow it didn't bring the horror I'd expected.

He was quiet for a long moment, which wasn't abnormal, but it was the quality of the silence that finally caught my attention. I flicked my eyes to him and found him staring into space, a look of perplexed consideration gracing his features. It was as though he was searching for some elusive answer, before his eyes finally slid back to me.

"I have a good deal more practice in control than you," he said gently, brows knitting together as though still working the problem.

"Yeah," I broke away, rubbing my hand over my eyes, "I know. My control is shit."

I had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going, and it only grew worse as the seconds ticked on. A little voice inside was screaming at me to run, to cut my losses and get the hell out of there, but I just couldn't do it. I also couldn't think of a way to change the subject, so I knew that I was destined to suffer through whatever came. Maybe I was just that masochistic.

"Control is learned through experience," his voice carried gently on the breeze. I felt the cloth shift as he reclined next to me, leaving enough space to spare my sanity. "I forget sometimes that your age does not lend itself well to certain situations; and that this type of control isn't something you pick up overnight."

Something in his tone drew my hand from my eyes and I found him propped on his elbow next to me, eyeing me with that familiar fondness.

"Have you ever been with a woman, Kurosaki?" he asked smoothly, looking for all the world like he could be asking about the weather.

I felt my jaw go slack, but it was without permission, as there were no words in my throat to formulate a reply. I hated it when my bad feelings came true.

"Or a man?" he pressed gently, no hint of mockery in his gaze. I knew it was a fair question, all things considered, but it cut deep and I choked, my face burning as I turned away.

"I…um…" I gritted my teeth hard, embarassment racing through me as if all my secrets had just been laid bare. I just couldn't say it, it was fucking pathetic to be so naive, and I couldn't bear the thought of him seeing me that way.

Cool fingers slid against my jaw, dragging me back to meet his serious gaze.

"Forgive me," he whispered, looking sad and tired and a little bit lost. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable again."

I shrugged faintly, but I didn't trust my voice, not with my spinning emotions and his fingers burning my skin.

"Your innocence is nothing to be ashamed of," he breathed, the tranquil ease of his words sliding over me. "You are very young, and though some may disagree, I believe that some things shouldn't be taken lightly just for the sake of it. I don't believe it reflects poorly that you are not frivolous with your affections."

His grip loosened, but I made no move to turn, and I felt his fingers glide over my skin as he slowly pulled away.

"What about you?" I asked before I could think better of it, wincing as I saw his brow lift in question.

"How do you mean?" He posed, and I realized I'd been unclear, but the thought of saying more twisted my tongue into knots.

"I -," The words just wouldn't come and I wondered what the fuck I'd been thinking in the first place.

"Considering your knowledge of my age, I can assume you're not inquiring about my experience in general," he mused, and I could see the flicker of amusement even through my self-loathing. "So what is it you're wondering? If I've ever been with a woman?"

My heart lurched painfully, but I seemed to be frozen in place.

"If I've ever been with a man?" he pressed further and I bit my lip, dropping his gaze as it became too much to bear.

He didn't relent, sliding lower to rest against the curve of his arm, bringing me once again into line of sight.

"If I've been with both?" he murmured, his voice dipping low, the hint of amusement laced with something else.

I almost flinched away, but at the last second something in that tone held me fast. I knew he was teasing me; a harmless response to such a bold question, but there was something whispering at the edge of the play. It was almost like a test woven deep beneath the surface, but I didn't know the stakes or even the basic goal. I cocked a brow in his direction, the subtle move at odds with the color in my face, but I saw his own pull faintly in response.

"Are you asking about my orientation?" he murmured, seeming completely at ease with thought.

I don't know what I was thinking, most likely I simply wasn't; my thoughts too scattered to warn me away. I shifted my weight, rolling to face him, tucking an arm under my head to mirror his pose.

"Yeah, I guess I am," I whispered, watching his eyes widen fractionally as I rose to the challenge.

He smiled, a lazy flash of teeth unlike any I'd seen before.

"Fair enough," he murmured, "considering I technically brought it up." He gave me a brief, assessing perusal. "Admittedly, my tastes have generally leaned toward women, but that's by no means been exclusive over the years."

"So you've been with men and women?" I asked, my earlier embarrassment falling away in the face of his unabashed disclosure.

"Together and separately," he admitted softly with no air of boasting; just the final little piece of a completely honest answer. "Though I haven't indulged in any of that for quite some time now."

"Why not?"

It wasn't any of my business, but I couldn't stop the question.

"I was more careless in my youth," he sighed, seeming not to take offense. "Now I find myself with enough responsibility to fill a dozen lifetimes, and little room for anything else."

"Oh." That seemed wrong somehow, though I didn't doubt him; there was just something about it that didn't seem...fair.

"I wonder." His voice dipped lower, his eyes roaming my face with a restrained curiosity. "If I were to pose the same question to you, regarding your preferences, would you have an answer for me?"

The million dollar question, tossed out for the world to see. My fingers twitched involuntarily, twisting deep into a soft tangle beneath them. I glanced down and found that my hand had come to rest in a wash of pale hair, splayed out in the space between us. It slid against my skin like threads of silk and moonlight, glowing faintly in the dark as though illuminated from within.

"I don't know," I whispered hesitantly, watching it flow between my moving fingers. Everything about him made me calm; like it was okay to be fucked up, to make mistakes, and to just not know sometimes. "I actually gave it some thought recently, but I didn't come up with much. Thinking is sorta bullshit, really."

He laughed softly, his breath stirring the tendrils of hair against my wrist.

"You don't seem as upset by it as I would have thought," he pointed out mildly.

"I'm not," I admitted, and felt only the slightest thrill of embarrassment at the confession.

"You seemed upset yesterday," he reminded me.

I dragged my eyes away from my fingers and watched him do the same, meeting my gaze across the space between us.

"Not about that," I murmured, feeling bold despite the hammering in my chest.

Something flickered behind his dark eyes, and his features pulled faintly against some silent thought.

"I hate the awkwardness," I said quietly, responding to his unspoken question. "I didn't like making that kind of a scene. I didn't want all the attention, or the way it made me feel, and I hated making you uncomfortable with more of my fucked-up bullshit."

"You didn't make me uncomfortable," he murmured, so softly I almost missed it, and that same wistful sadness laced his hesitant words.

It was then that I had an epiphany, which might qualify me as the slowest fuck of the year, but whatever. Actually, I had two but it what the first that really hit home: Ukitake was attracted to me. Not a little bit, as in he liked my company, but a whole fucking lot. In hindsight, I supposed I really was the slowest fuck of the year, because somewhere between the dancing and the laying under the fucking stars, my powers of deduction were at an all time low, even for me.

I actually felt my breath catch, and I saw him wince, which confirmed my second, somewhat less welcome realization: His attraction was way on the wrong side of his better judgment, and he knew it. He was well aware it existed, but had decided not to pursue it. Moreover, he'd just realized that he'd stepped over the line and that I'd finally recognized the truth of the matter. Fuck. I wondered if it was the age, the status, the rank, or just the timing. Hell, it was probably a little of everything, and it really didn't matter anyway.

"It's getting late," he said quietly, dragging himself into a sitting position and running a hand through his hair. "You have to be up for school in a few hours."

He rose gracefully, and offered his hand, just as he had the first night. I allowed him to pull me to my feet silently, because I couldn't think of anything to say. He retrieved his coat, shaking free the loose grass before shrugging into it and reaching for his swords.

"Do you have plans tomorrow?" I asked him suddenly, because I had to say something and it was all I could come up with. "Or today, depending on how you look at it?"

He paused, his lips lifting faintly as he turned to look at me. My own smile pulled in response, but there was something guarded in his eyes, and a sad reluctance lingering in his frame.

"I think it would be better if I stayed in tonight," he said, sliding the swords into his sash. "I am due home soon and there are a few things I need to tie up before that time."

Oh," I muttered, nudging Zangetsu with my foot and scrambling for something else to say. It had all gone to shit so fast that I couldn't keep up, but watching him turn away just tore something inside me.

"Can you find your way home from here?" He inquired gently, looking back at me over his shoulder.

"Go out with me." The words slipped free without warning, my mouth resorting to the same embarrassing shit when my brain failed to act.

He paused again, his expression warring between amusement and wariness. "Pardon?"

I swallowed hard, but it was already too late and I wouldn't let myself take it back even if I could. Nowhere to go but forward. He turned fully as I approached, the amusement winning out as he stared down at me. I stopped closer than I should have and swallowed again.

"Tomorrow. Tonight. Whichever the fuck you want to call it." I clenched my fists at my sides, meeting his gaze steadily. "Go dancing with me again."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Kurosaki," he said gently, the rueful smile tugging one corner of his mouth. "For so many reasons."

I took another step forward, closing the space between us to inches, so close I could feel the heat from his skin.

"Dance with me, Juushiro."

I don't know what possessed me, but my own eyes widened as the words passed my lips and I heard him draw a sharp breath. His hand rose slowly, one knuckle tracing feather light across my cheek, so faint it almost didn't happen.

"I don't think - "

"Just say yes," I pressed, cutting him off before he could regain his balance.

He sighed, his hand falling away as he smiled, shaking his head slowly.

"Why don't we just wait and see what tomorrow brings, shall we?" he hedged, and I knew it was the best I was going to get.

I stepped away and let out the breath I'd been holding, feeling lightheaded from the racing in my veins.

"Okay," I agreed, giving him a long, final look before turning on my heel. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I thought I heard him chuckle, but it was lost on the breeze and the roll of the grass. I didn't give myself a chance to fuck things up any worse, stepping into shunpo and letting the hilltop flow away.

The grand effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that I had to return half an hour later to retrieve Zangetsu, who I'd somehow managed to forget. It suffered yet another blow when I found him standing upright, stuck partway into the hillside, which meant Ukitake had noticed my lapse as well. Fuck it. For my first legitimate try, I thought it was a damn fine exit…mostly.

(next chapter)