Adventures in Online Dating, Episode 4: The Tale of the 400-Pound Catfish
I guess it was bound to happen at some point: I've been catfished, y'all. (Catfish, as defined by Urban Dictionary.)
But never fear, not in the traditional sense of a total stranger making up a persona that I could fall in love with. Rather, this was an extremely idiotic attempt by a man I barely know to try to turn his wife -- my friend -- against me. Thus, I present to you, The Tale of the 400-Pound Catfish.
So, to give you a very brief backstory, I have a friend who's currently in the midst of getting divorced. Ultimately, this is a good thing, even though it's still scary for her. Because her husband is a horrible person. Like, truly. In all the time I've known her, I have never heard a single redeeming quality about this man. Rather, he is emotionally and verbally abusive to her and she has been miserable and trapped for a long time. Her self-esteem is completely shot. He makes fun of her (including telling her she's getting fat, etc, when he himself weighs 350-400 pounds). He controls all the money and doesn't let her have access to their account. He keeps tabs on her day and night. He goes through her emails/texts/phone records/etc. This is not a healthy relationship by any means. It's like she's in his metaphorical chokehold.
So they separated last month. She's been staying with me and other friends in the meantime. Meanwhile, he continues to pick fights and try to control her even when she's not physically around him.
Okay -- got the gist? Trust me on this one -- he's a piece of shit.
So, last week, I got a text from the friend -- her husband was trying to tell her that I had 'favorited' his profile on Match.
Several things here: First off, FUCK TO THE NO. I knew I hadn't favorited his profile -- fuck, I hadn't even seen his profile that I was aware of, and if I had, I sure as shit wouldn't have added it to my favorites.
Secondly: Why did he tell her that? To try and hurt her, because this is what he does. To try and make her jealous and/or mad at me.
Third: He's still married and they haven't even filed for divorce yet -- this all happened like four weeks ago. Why are you even on Match in the first place?
Furious, I opened up the Match app on my phone -- in between teaching two classes at the gym -- and screencapped everything showing the people I had favorited or liked (which are very, very few). And no, he ain't one of them. I sent the pictures. She and another friend had been talking about it, and they obviously agreed that they didn't believe him in the first place, but they were so confused about why he would tell her that.
Now -- cut to this past Wednesday. When I was writing my previous entry, I went through all my older Match emails to make sure I hadn't missed any gems. And when I went back a few weeks, I noticed a message that I had totally ignored the first time around.
When I originally got that, I remember glancing at it and rolling my eyes because I knew the guy was just trying to get me to talk back to him. It was a ploy to make me think I'd made first contact and initiated conversation. I was like, what an idiot, no way and closed that window, ignoring it and never giving it a second thought.
Until last week -- when I realized that the email's wording had striking similarities to what the husband had told my friend.
So I clicked through to the profile -- and do note the lack of a profile picture.
Yep, all the details match up. And you see that profile headline at the top? "tired of wasting my time"? That is verbatim what he has been telling my friend over and over throughout this process -- that he is tired of wasting his time with her (even though he also keeps trying to suck her back in).
Wait! It gets better. I then found out that he had taken a picture of the email HE sent to ME and sent it to my friend, trying to use that as "proof" that I had been trying to mack on him.
So yeah, here's his "proof" -- sorry for the blurriness, but I guess he took a picture of the screen with his cell phone & also cut most of it off. The complete absence of logic is mind-boggling.
So, it's blurry, but you see how it says "Is a favorite" under my name? He was trying to tell her that it meant that HE was one of MY favorites. Does he think any of us are that fucking stupid? It means he favorited me!
So just in case there's any lingering doubt, here's a screencap of people who have favorited me, with some helpful edit marks to show what I'm talking about (and I've blacked out the info of the other guys on the page).
See up there at the top in the circle? That says "fave'd me," meaning it's a list of all the guys who have favorited me. Why look, there's his profile right up at the top.
See that arrow pointing to "Favorited on 6/12/14"? That's when he favorited me -- the same exact day he sent me that email.
So, to summarize -- this motherfucker tried to catfish me into starting up a conversation, so that he could then go to my friend and tell her about how I was trying to hit on him. Why? Because this is what abusers do -- they try to isolate people from their friends, eliminating their support system until they feel they have no option but to go back to the abuser. Now tell me -- would you recommend staying with someone who so blatantly demonstrates psychopathic tendencies?
So, my ladies of Match, be forewarned: if you receive a message from "movingon_9450," IGNORE IT. Or better yet, write back and tell him what a complete sack of shit you think he is.
So there you have it -- I officially have one catfishing episode under my belt! I'm still waiting on random dick pics, though.
But never fear, not in the traditional sense of a total stranger making up a persona that I could fall in love with. Rather, this was an extremely idiotic attempt by a man I barely know to try to turn his wife -- my friend -- against me. Thus, I present to you, The Tale of the 400-Pound Catfish.
So, to give you a very brief backstory, I have a friend who's currently in the midst of getting divorced. Ultimately, this is a good thing, even though it's still scary for her. Because her husband is a horrible person. Like, truly. In all the time I've known her, I have never heard a single redeeming quality about this man. Rather, he is emotionally and verbally abusive to her and she has been miserable and trapped for a long time. Her self-esteem is completely shot. He makes fun of her (including telling her she's getting fat, etc, when he himself weighs 350-400 pounds). He controls all the money and doesn't let her have access to their account. He keeps tabs on her day and night. He goes through her emails/texts/phone records/etc. This is not a healthy relationship by any means. It's like she's in his metaphorical chokehold.
So they separated last month. She's been staying with me and other friends in the meantime. Meanwhile, he continues to pick fights and try to control her even when she's not physically around him.
Okay -- got the gist? Trust me on this one -- he's a piece of shit.
So, last week, I got a text from the friend -- her husband was trying to tell her that I had 'favorited' his profile on Match.
Several things here: First off, FUCK TO THE NO. I knew I hadn't favorited his profile -- fuck, I hadn't even seen his profile that I was aware of, and if I had, I sure as shit wouldn't have added it to my favorites.
Secondly: Why did he tell her that? To try and hurt her, because this is what he does. To try and make her jealous and/or mad at me.
Third: He's still married and they haven't even filed for divorce yet -- this all happened like four weeks ago. Why are you even on Match in the first place?
Furious, I opened up the Match app on my phone -- in between teaching two classes at the gym -- and screencapped everything showing the people I had favorited or liked (which are very, very few). And no, he ain't one of them. I sent the pictures. She and another friend had been talking about it, and they obviously agreed that they didn't believe him in the first place, but they were so confused about why he would tell her that.
Now -- cut to this past Wednesday. When I was writing my previous entry, I went through all my older Match emails to make sure I hadn't missed any gems. And when I went back a few weeks, I noticed a message that I had totally ignored the first time around.
When I originally got that, I remember glancing at it and rolling my eyes because I knew the guy was just trying to get me to talk back to him. It was a ploy to make me think I'd made first contact and initiated conversation. I was like, what an idiot, no way and closed that window, ignoring it and never giving it a second thought.
Until last week -- when I realized that the email's wording had striking similarities to what the husband had told my friend.
So I clicked through to the profile -- and do note the lack of a profile picture.
Yep, all the details match up. And you see that profile headline at the top? "tired of wasting my time"? That is verbatim what he has been telling my friend over and over throughout this process -- that he is tired of wasting his time with her (even though he also keeps trying to suck her back in).
Wait! It gets better. I then found out that he had taken a picture of the email HE sent to ME and sent it to my friend, trying to use that as "proof" that I had been trying to mack on him.
So yeah, here's his "proof" -- sorry for the blurriness, but I guess he took a picture of the screen with his cell phone & also cut most of it off. The complete absence of logic is mind-boggling.
So, it's blurry, but you see how it says "Is a favorite" under my name? He was trying to tell her that it meant that HE was one of MY favorites. Does he think any of us are that fucking stupid? It means he favorited me!
So just in case there's any lingering doubt, here's a screencap of people who have favorited me, with some helpful edit marks to show what I'm talking about (and I've blacked out the info of the other guys on the page).
See up there at the top in the circle? That says "fave'd me," meaning it's a list of all the guys who have favorited me. Why look, there's his profile right up at the top.
See that arrow pointing to "Favorited on 6/12/14"? That's when he favorited me -- the same exact day he sent me that email.
So, to summarize -- this motherfucker tried to catfish me into starting up a conversation, so that he could then go to my friend and tell her about how I was trying to hit on him. Why? Because this is what abusers do -- they try to isolate people from their friends, eliminating their support system until they feel they have no option but to go back to the abuser. Now tell me -- would you recommend staying with someone who so blatantly demonstrates psychopathic tendencies?
So, my ladies of Match, be forewarned: if you receive a message from "movingon_9450," IGNORE IT. Or better yet, write back and tell him what a complete sack of shit you think he is.
So there you have it -- I officially have one catfishing episode under my belt! I'm still waiting on random dick pics, though.