(no subject)
Well my mother and I are fighting once again...this time about religion...she looked like she wanted to cry when I told her I dont fundamentally believe in the Jewish faith. I mean because she tried all she could to teach me those things, and it dissapoints her that I dont accept them...Its not a reflection on her but I just feel as though I am not able to accept what it is the bible teaches me. I mean one min, God hates everyone...I mean he got really pissed at moses for hitting the rock twice, but I mean then hes all merciful in the new testiment. She tells me that I am reading into it way too much, I told her she wasnt looking close enough. There is no right or wrong, but I mean it makes no sense to me...I have just given up on religion. I would rather be a spiritual person, believing in something but then having my own moral code to follow. This comes as a very dissapointing thing for her to handle unfortunately, But shes having a hissy fit that I dont want to miss school because of Yom Kippur. I see no use for it...I sit there all day asking God to forgive my sins...and I mean shouldnt I be asking forgiveness from those I have sinned against...Isnt that what forgiveness is. I mean God hasnt asked me to forgive him for all the shit he put me through. Thats cuz God has a sense of humor you see....He supposedly made the world in his grace, and everything he created, it wasnt just good it was "Very Good" I mean thats what my book says from theology class. My teacher isnt gonna like me at all, cuz I contradict everything he has to say, plainly because it doesnt make sense to me. God should love me for me, cuz he/she made me what I am, gave me everything I needed to be me...and if he is to make EVERYTHING in his grace, then I should be made in his/her grace as well. They are all in competition with one another anyway; different religions. I give them this though...The bible is a great instiller of moral codes, despite how old it is. It goes back to the fundamental beliefes of what people are all about. My mom is really pissed it seems...I think I really hurt her, I didnt mean too, but honestly I have been following what she wanted me too since I was born and I have to say its just not for me. I dont really know what is for me. Catholosism isnt for me either, neither is Wicca or scientology. I dont really know what else there is to say on the subject. You cant force someone to believe in what you believe in...The muslims tried that and all they got out of it was alot of angry people ready to retaliate. God Will love me for me...and thats it. I pray...people dont think I do, but I do...I pray. I have a personal relationship with God so to speak...I tell him/her all my problems and I ask that he/she help me through difficult times. I ask for forgiveness for when I have wronged a family member or close friend. I ask her/him for advice and sometimes I get it and sometimes I dont. I listen to god too...after all it is a two way street. He/She tells me all the time about the paths that I travel and what it is she/he wants to see me become, because it is instilled in my nature what it is I am to become. God plays both games...He/She can either be my best friend or my worst enemy. I never doubt that there is a God though...Too many unexplained things occur for me to not believe in the existence of God. And for the most part I believe it all. I have faith and I dont feel I need to be part of a religious order to have "True Faith" I just wish someone could explain all of this to my mother, I hate to dissapoint her, but like I said its just something I can no longer do... If she wants to continue on in her beliefes, then thats all fine and dandy, but please dont expect me to do it either. Ya wanna know what, its an elder thing. My whole family on my mothers side is Jewish and because she is my elder hat she says goes, and the same for my grandmother and grandfather. I dont need religion. God did not create religion, Man did. We wrote the bible, we came up with the songs and prayers, God didnt do anything. And if we are so secure in the existance of God, why is it normal for us to talk to him, but as soon as God talks to us, we are nuts...I mean is it that Gods too good to talk to us....like its beneath him/her? I mean think about it all....Maybe religion is a way to control the minds and even govern a peoples by creating a fear of hatred by God. I mean its scary when someone tells you God hates you and your going to hell...but then again did God tell you this him/her self? No cuz then you would be crazy cuz God spoke to you. Religion is a great way to get people to put their energy into something, especially when the world around them is complete shit. I mean alot of radicals have nothing to fight for, nothing to live for, so they live through their religion. People always find faith in time of need, because it is the greatest source of comfort, because when you can no longer govern yourself, you need someone to govern for you, and thats what religion does. It gives you the opportunity to take a break and let God do the magic. I could go on for hours and hours about all this, but Im gonna stop cuz its late, I have class tomorrow at 8:30 and Im tired so excuse me while sleep...Amen!!!