(no subject)
I hurt...jesus doesnt the rest of us. I can only sum it up like this...Evanescence if it werent for them showing me this song...it describes tonight so well....you see John called me out of the blue...My ex-John to clarify and I tried so hard to be strong...No I didnt cry. But I forgave, and that took so much courage. Forgiveness is the most rewarding feeling in the world...I doubt not that I hurt him...But today it all came back. I wanted to say I love you and fall apart all again, after I have built myself from the ground up. Like Christina once said...I was a train wreck when my world decided to crash down upon my head. And I didnt let it crash today. But this song, this song just sums up the whole of my heart...He is without a doubt my first love. I cant get rid of that. A place in my heart will forever belong to him. And you can scrutinize and tell me how much of an asshole he ever was, how he hurt me how he was a thoughtless person...I know all this, I know what there was and what occured, I was there! you arent telling me something I dont already know. But I will forever love him, no matter what happens...Its strong and beyond my control. Love is a very special thing, And even if I never have that feeling in my stomach ever again, that flutter in my heart...I can always say I had it once and ie the happiest woman in the world. For nothing compares to that feeling of free falling, knowing someone is there to catch you. And whether he will ever admit it to the rest of the world, I have changed his life, and I will always hold a place in his heart...Nothing will ever change that. Anyway...THE SONG:
My Immortal
my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
I cant describe love...It comes in so many forms...I have never loved two people as much as I love Jesse and christina...Knowing that there are two people...NOT ONE but TWO! there are people who I can depend on them for anything whether its a hug and a kiss or a convo at 3 am. I have never felt like I was blessed in the friends catagory, making many wrong turns throughout the years. I am loved for the first time in my life, by people who see me for me, noit for what I want them to see. Appreciated for my flaws and my weaknesses. This is the meaning of sisterly love. They are my SOUL SISTERS...whether that sounds funky or not LOL...Beauty such as their is few and far between...When you can look at someone and know their every thought. That takes love.
Then There comes the Love I have for family. My sister can not be compared to anyone. I would die for her, in an instant. I look at her and I cry because she the most prescious gem I could ever bestow. She is by far the most innocent girl I have ever met. She is genuine and compassionate. I am crazy about her and everything she has become. She has struggled a struggle far beyond my comprehension...I can not begin to fathom the hardships she has faced just meeting the requirements of a normal everyday life. And this makes her truely exceptional.
And then there is the love...THE LOVE! I only wish words could give this feeling justice. Everyone tries, but fails miserably, because there are no words for this emotion. Just the sight of this person is enough to get you through the day. The voice they bring to your ears is more melodic and soothing than any score of music could relay. Its that feeling like you arent in your body anymore. Shut your eyes and feel that for a min...like your soul has left your body, and is dancing with that one person in your arms, swirling through a sea of nothingness, because nothing around you matters for that one moment. You smell them, you feel them and every nerve in your body tingles with that shiver you wish would always linger after all is said and done with the moment. When you kiss someone, and you see that this someone is consuming you and you them....When you look at them, you dont see just a person, you see a soul and you honor them, are in awe of every thought and word. And when for whatever reason...it all ends, You long to just see them happy. nothing gives you more pleasure than to see them become the greatest they can be, even if you can't be there to share in this joy...So this is Love. And maybe thats just the beginning, but fundamentally, I always have a picture of what love feels like, and I would love nothing more than to feel that 24-7...that flutter in my heart and that shiver down my spine, the way love should feel, for I can not fathom a life without love, the way you lay there with someone, feeling them next to you and you breathe them in, taking in a bit more of their sould with each breath. Its not enough to be next to someone, you want to be inside them in the worst way...so much it pains you...love pangs...
And so you see...The three kinds of love...nothing compares to these three. And maybe one day, Ill know what the latter feels like once again. Hell two outa three sure aint bad ;)
My Immortal
my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
I cant describe love...It comes in so many forms...I have never loved two people as much as I love Jesse and christina...Knowing that there are two people...NOT ONE but TWO! there are people who I can depend on them for anything whether its a hug and a kiss or a convo at 3 am. I have never felt like I was blessed in the friends catagory, making many wrong turns throughout the years. I am loved for the first time in my life, by people who see me for me, noit for what I want them to see. Appreciated for my flaws and my weaknesses. This is the meaning of sisterly love. They are my SOUL SISTERS...whether that sounds funky or not LOL...Beauty such as their is few and far between...When you can look at someone and know their every thought. That takes love.
Then There comes the Love I have for family. My sister can not be compared to anyone. I would die for her, in an instant. I look at her and I cry because she the most prescious gem I could ever bestow. She is by far the most innocent girl I have ever met. She is genuine and compassionate. I am crazy about her and everything she has become. She has struggled a struggle far beyond my comprehension...I can not begin to fathom the hardships she has faced just meeting the requirements of a normal everyday life. And this makes her truely exceptional.
And then there is the love...THE LOVE! I only wish words could give this feeling justice. Everyone tries, but fails miserably, because there are no words for this emotion. Just the sight of this person is enough to get you through the day. The voice they bring to your ears is more melodic and soothing than any score of music could relay. Its that feeling like you arent in your body anymore. Shut your eyes and feel that for a min...like your soul has left your body, and is dancing with that one person in your arms, swirling through a sea of nothingness, because nothing around you matters for that one moment. You smell them, you feel them and every nerve in your body tingles with that shiver you wish would always linger after all is said and done with the moment. When you kiss someone, and you see that this someone is consuming you and you them....When you look at them, you dont see just a person, you see a soul and you honor them, are in awe of every thought and word. And when for whatever reason...it all ends, You long to just see them happy. nothing gives you more pleasure than to see them become the greatest they can be, even if you can't be there to share in this joy...So this is Love. And maybe thats just the beginning, but fundamentally, I always have a picture of what love feels like, and I would love nothing more than to feel that 24-7...that flutter in my heart and that shiver down my spine, the way love should feel, for I can not fathom a life without love, the way you lay there with someone, feeling them next to you and you breathe them in, taking in a bit more of their sould with each breath. Its not enough to be next to someone, you want to be inside them in the worst way...so much it pains you...love pangs...
And so you see...The three kinds of love...nothing compares to these three. And maybe one day, Ill know what the latter feels like once again. Hell two outa three sure aint bad ;)