Some Thoughs on Modesty
This got long-- like, really long. TL:DR version --> I cover my hair for reasons of modesty, spirituality, and personal politics, and I've found that the practice of hijab seems to resonate most strongly with me, at least for now.
Read on if you really want the full essay... rant... thing.
So, many of you have probably noticed that for a while now, I've been wearing my hair covered in various styles ranging from bandannas to Israeli tichels to a full hijab, and that I've been wearing the latter quite a bit more often as of late. I was pondering this earlier and realized that a larger portion of people than I thought don't know why I do this.
I've been drawn to head covering and modest dress for a while now, but recently I've felt more drawn to the practice of hijab (which, in fact, refers to a general "dress code" and not just the headscarf as many of us seem to believe). My reason is two-fold: one, there is certainly an aspect of spirituality there, and two, I consider it, in some ways, to be an act of protest. Plus, I just feel more comfortable when I don't have to worry about tugging various hemlines up or down, and I feel like it helps me focus more on what I feel is important right now, namely my schoolwork.
On the spiritual side: as many of you know, I practice an Afro-diasporic tradition known as Umbanda, which I came to after following a fairly Generic Pagan(tm) spiritual path. Throughout my spiritual training, the importance of being able to shield yourself energetically or psychically has always been emphasized; in particular, the practice of having solid, internal shields that are always kept up and putting up a fresh "clean" shield every morning. I treat my headscarf as a physical manifestation of that shield, and it's an easy way to take a moment to center myself and declare my intentions for the day while I'm getting dressed in the mornings.
That being said, I don't think that modesty has to equal unflattering or unfashionable. I love clothes and fully consider them an expression of who and what I am, and try to choose my outfits to express that. There are ways to dress that flatter your body and still leave you covered. (Also, I have a major shoe fetish. You'll get my high heels from me when you pry them from my cold, undead fingers!)
On the more protest-y side: More and more I've come to the realization that Western society in general really has become incredibly oversexed. Not that sex is bad, mind you-- anyone who knows me knows that I'm extremely sex-positive and not shy at all in discussing my "less-than-mainstream" practices (polyamory, BDSM, what have you). However, sex has become such an everyday part of our culture here in the States that it seems like, in a way, displays of sexuality don't make as much of an impact as they used to-- people have become desensitized to sex.
Thus, I consider it, at least to a certain degree, to be an act of silent protest to observe a standard of modest dress for most of my daily life. When I do decide to shed the hijab and sex it up a little (ex: certain types of parties, at the request of one of my partners, or sometimes just when I feel like it), I feel like I'm more aware of the statement I'm making with my clothes and that, in turn, makes me feel more powerful and confident in my sex appeal. Even if no one else notices, *I* notice, and that's what's important in my world. Besides, whatever happened to a little mystery? ;-)
Lastly, I've adopted the hijab as my preferred method of covering partially because it is, in a word, beautiful (see this link to The Sartorialist-- beautiful! Stunning! Also, I want her earrings). The flowing folds of fabric draped around the face and neck are so elegant and feminine, and it inspires me to take more care in my appearance to make sure that that element translates into my entire look. Plus, it seems to be the style that Chien enjoys seeing me in-- as my primary partner, I have no problem with giving him a certain amount of say in how I dress, given that he's one of the people who sees me the most.
So, there you go. Hope that clears up some of the confusion I seem to have generated. Please, pose more questions here if you want me to elaborate further-- I'm not always the best at articulating things I feel strongly about, especially since I'm not always sure of the reasons myself!
