Aperture (Chapter 8)
Title: Aperture
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya, Sakumiya (past), Sho/OC (past)
Rating: PG13
Chapter - Word Count: Chapter 8 - 4 562 words
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Family, Fluff, Kid, Romance
Summary: "Did you hate me when I didn't fight for you before?" Sho asked before it was too late. The other man paused and then turned to look back at him. The other looked up, thinking intently before looking back at Sho and shaking his head, "Maybe at first... But then you made me realize that something that is perfect isn't real happiness, and so instead, I'm thankful."
Beta: Un-beta.
Author’s Notes: I know, I know…. It’s pretty late. OTL I had a bit of writer’s block and some dead ends. Still thankful to octavialao and akhikaru for always being wonderful gals! Two chapters left!!! Uwaah~
Same reminder: paragraphs written in past tense are happening in the present. Paragraphs written in (--- present tense---) are happening in the past. I’m still being ironic so yeah~
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Eight Weeks
Sho was woken up by the sound of someone throwing up. He had a dull headache welcoming him after abruptly sitting up, but Sho ignored it, opting to come straight towards the bathroom. There was the sound of flushing and then running water from the faucet.
When Sho arrived by the bathroom's doorway, Jun was splashing water against his face, looking pale. Sho grew worried.
"Are you okay?" Sho asked.
"Sorry, did I wake you up?" Jun asked instead, looking back at Sho through the reflection on the mirror. There was a blush in Jun's cheeks, and that was when Sho noticed both of them were equally naked. There was the added fact that Sho was carrying a morning arousal. Sho didn't let it bother him. It wasn't like they hadn't seen each other naked already. They were just conscious, and Sho would like to concentrate on the fact that Jun had throw up early in the morning. He shook his head nonchalantly as an answer.
"Are you okay?" Sho repeated.
Jun grimaced. "Just a worse-case of hangover I guess." He reasoned unsurely.
"I'll just get water from the kitchen." Sho said in his still sleepy state. He didn't let Jun protest anymore and proceeded in doing what he said after at least putting on some boxers. Along the way, Sho had the coffee machine running, knowing how Jun loved coffees in the morning. He also got some medications seemingly that Jun needed one.
When Sho was back in the bedroom with a glass of water, Jun was already dressed with his yesterday’s clothes, sitting in the edge of the bed. His hand was cradling his head. The other one was pressed in the stomach.
“Here.”
Jun looked up, directing a grateful smile towards Sho as the older man offered him the glass of water. “Thanks.” He mumbled before drinking from it. After finishing half of it, Sho took the glass and put it on the bedside drawer.
Sho kneeled in front of Jun, reaching out to touchhis forehead. Thankfully, Jun’s temperature seems normal, but he’s alarmingly pale. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.This isn’t the first time I have a huge hangover.” Jun joked. He smiled, but it came weak. Sho settled his hands on the bed, at each other sides of Jun’s thighs.
“I know I’m not a good cook though I’m still going to offer anyways.” Sho started with a smile. “You want anything in particular? I can probably cook eggs and toast without burning anything.” He continued, trying to enlighten the mood. He would definitely understand if Jun wasn’t up for it. He was a terrible cook.
Jun had a genuine smile a moment, but it quickly disappeared when he straightened up. “Thanks for the offer, but I really need to go.” Jun said, looking at anything that wasn’t Sho.
Sho could take the hint that Jun was avoiding his gaze for some reason. That left him quite disappointed. He wondered if Jun was still mad at him about yesterday. He also wanted to spend more time with Jun. But when he chanced a glance towards his alarm clock in the bedside table, he was reminded that he needed to get ready for work. Same went for Jun too.
“I can take you home at least. I’ll just change into decent clothes in a jiffy.” Sho presented. He was still worried about Jun’s condition after all.
“Don’t worry, I can manage.” Jun shook his head, trying to assure Sho that he was fine.
Sho nodded, giving in. "Stubborn as always." Sho teased, still trying to lift the atmosphere even for a bit. He did made Jun chuckle even for a moment, and Sho was okay with that. The younger man stood up, and Sho followed, grabbing a shirt along the way and wore it.
The two men were silent as they walked. Sho chose to walk a bit behind just so he could observed Jun properly. At least, he could react properly if Jun suddenly fainted.Sho couldn't also removed the feeling something was up. For some reason, there was a hanging tension in the air.
“Hey, Jun…” Sho called when they reached the genkan. Jun crouched down to wore his shoes. He hummed to let Sho know that he was listening.
Sho contemplated whether he should ask Jun if he was mad or something. He wanted to ask Jun if... At the end, he just shook his head and said, “Nothing, just take care.”
It wasn't the right timing yet in Sho's opinion, but definitely it would be soon.
After finishing wearing his shoes, Jun stood up and faced Sho. He said, “You too.”
Sho nodded and watched Jun as the latter turned around to leave. Jun was about to open the door when he paused. Sho quirked an eyebrow.
Sho couldn't say anything when he felt Jun's lips against his. Sho blinked, staring at Jun in astonish.
“Goodbye, Sho-san.”Jun said it with a smile before leaving.
Sho's heart thumped rapidly, but he didn't know whether he should be happy or sad. There was just something in the way Jun smiled at him.
At work, Sho couldn’t keep his concentration on whatever he was doing. He kept glancing at his phone every five minutes. After much deliberation in his mind, he got his phone and browsed through his contacts. When he reached a particular name, he thumbed over the call button. He had second thoughts suddenly.
“Should I call Jun?” Sho murmured to himself. He was still extremely worried about the younger man, remembering how sick Jun looked like. It wasn’t just that. Their last conversation left a big impression at Sho.
And then Sho saw the name next to Jun. Sho's eyes widened. He almost forgot about his plan of talking with Nino. (Thankfully, he got Nino’s number since Aiba used his phone to confirm the location of the small party.)
Sho bit his lips and pressed the call button. It took three rings before the man answered.
"Hello."
Sho exhaled before answering, "Hey, it's me."
"Sho-kun?"
"Yeah... Uhm..." Sho paused, thinking what to say, but then it was better to be straighforward right? Sho knew their talk was long overdue."I need to talk to you."
Nino was silent in the other line, but Sho could hear Nino's calm breathing. Sho took it as a good sign.
"If you treat me with hamburgers for lunch then how can I refuse?"Nino said.
Sho could imagine the playful smile Nino was donning. Hamburgers were his favorite after all.
"At that place then?" Sho suggested, remembering the days Sho had taken Nino a certain placein their dates. Sho wasn't sure whether Nino still remembered it, but he did proclaim that it served the best burgers he had eaten in his entire time. Maybe Nino would still like it there.
"Ah, now that's what I'm talking about. I'll meet you there at quarter to 12." Nino said, cheerful.
"Sure." Sho said.
"Later then." Nino hanged up after.
Sho looked at his phone for a couple of minutes. He still couldn't believe it. But he felt light. It was like a burden was lifted up, slowly but surely. This was definitely a new start.
When lunch came, he took a cab towardsa small family restaurant near the dormitory where he stayed while in college. As he entered the place, the owner showed recognition. Sho acknowledged it with a bow, and before he knew it, he was engaged to a conversation while waiting for Nino. The conversation was cut short when customers started filling in, and the owner excused his self to help in serving. Nino arrived by then and greeted the owner. Judging with the way the two were interacting, Sho could tell that Nino was still a regular here. The owner did mention Ohno. Yes, Sho could see this restaurant still served the best hamburgers in Nino’s whole life.
"Sorry if I called you suddenly." Sho said as Nino sat opposite him.
Nino shook his head and replied, "Nah, it's fine. I needed to get away from packing or I'll go crazy. Plus it's your treat so how can I refuse."
Sho had a heartfelt laugh before commenting, “You’re still stingy as ever.”
“Well, that’s me after all.” Nino shrugged smugly.
Their orders were taken by then when the waiter came. While waitingfor their food to arrived, they talked about a lot of things. It was likepart two of their catching-up conversation from last night, and it continued on as they munch on their meals.Sho was glad mentioning Yuka or Shijoro wasn't awkward as it was before. To think this time, it was just him and Nino who were talking. There were no distractions and no medium just in case things get out of hand.
"I can't believe they cut my eight weeks vacationshort. Can't they make music without me around." Nino huffed as he stabbed his burger patty with his fork.
"Well,that's work. And you know how uptight it can be." Sho commented, taking a spoonful of his meal into his mouth.
"Well, your workseems so. Look at those wrinkles in your face."Nino teased, pointing his fork at Sho's face.
"Hey, being a stock analyst has it perks." Sho defended, adding, "I don't mind analyzingfigures and numbers."
"Well, what can I say? I hate those anyways." Nino shrugged, taking another bite of his patty.
"But you love counting and saving money, and those are included in what I do."Sho teased.
Nino thought for awhile, and then shrugged. "Well, that's different kind of figures and numbers."Nino grinned, and Sho chuckled.
It was really a comfortable atmosphere between them. It was as if things didn't go awry, and they never had to look back to the years of pain and separation, to lies and regrets. Yet those were the things they needed to clear up at the moment. And no matter how everything seemed fine so far, Sho needed to start the inevitable.
"Uhm... Kazu..." Sho broke the silence that befall them.It got Nino's attention, and Sho couldn't look straight. Sho proven that everything he thought to do was easier said than done. "Before... I-... Back then..."
"Let's stop this Sho-chan." Nino interjected with a gentle smile.
"But I.. The thing I did to you back then..." Sho wanted to continue, to explain things, but then that would be just another strings of excuses, and Sho didn't want to give that anymore. All in all, Sho had only one thing to say, "I'm sorry."
(--- Their relationship is perfect in Sho's opinion. Of course like any couple, they have their own fights, but that doesn't long. Each one is courageous enough to admit his mistakes and ask for forgiveness.Both of them tries to make this work because it felt they only have each other. Yet there comes a time things aren't just perfect as it seems.
"I told you dad, I won't marry Yuka! She's my friend, and nothing more." Sho counters his father as they take the matter in the study room. Sho is in his last year, and his parents keep on pushing him to marry his friend, the daughter of their family's partner in business.
Sho's father is silent, and Sho feels cold sweat trailing his neck. Like him, his father has a short fused, yet Sho's downright refusal is received in silence. Sho expected things are going out of hand. And like he has predicted, everything turns for the worst.
"Is this because of your boyfriend?"Sho's father says in a menacing tone.
Sho's eyes widen in realization. "How-," he stammers.
"We warned you before Sho... We don't want you attaching yourself with that orphan..."The Sakurai head continues with disgust, "To think he was the son of thattreachourous swindler."
"But father, Kazu's nothing like him..." Sho tries to defend his boyfriend. No, Nino isn't like that swindler. Ninois a good man.
With determination, he decides, "I will stay with Nino whether you like it or not."
Sho's father stops signing papers. He puts the pen down and look straight at Sho's eyes.
"You do know I hold shares in your university?" Sho's father asks. Sho becomes nervous. Of course he knows that. Why is his father bringing that up.
"I have a say who receives full scholarship, and who can't..." Sho's father continues when Sho doesn't reply."I can even revoke it from students who I deem not worthy."
"What-?" Sho asks, but stops himself when he realizes what his father is implying."You wouldn't even-,"Sho gasps.
The scholarship is the only thing that Nino prides on. He has earned with diligence and hardwork. Loosing it will surely crushNino's dreams, Nino's heart... Sho can't have that especially now that Nino is so close in achieving his dream.
Sho's father leans back in his swivel chair, not breaking eye contact with Sho's round ones. He says his verdict, "You have a choice, Sho. Choose wisely or the consequences may be fatal with your 'friend'... Remember that..."
Sho doesn't answer instead.
The following day, Sho hasn't slept a wink. Everything in his head is unclear, and he doesn't know what to do.
Nino isn’t one to be oblivious if things aren’t okay. He asks, “Is something wrong, Sho?”
Sho looks to his side where Nino is sitting. They are behind the keys again, but this time they are in the auditorium. Nino is practicing his piece for arecital later, and Sho is there to listen. It helps in calming down his hammering heart.
“I love you.” Sho murmurs instead, placing a kiss in Nino’s forehead. There is confusion in his face, but he doesn’t ask further. He just reply it with a kiss and a squeeze of hand before he plays again. This time it has a happier tune. Sho knows he is trying to lift Sho’s mood.
Sho is thankful with Nino’s understanding, but he is sad that he is keeping something important as this from Nino. Still, he keeps his silence about the matter. He doesn’t want to talk it yet with his lover. Not now when Nino is preoccupied with something important. When the bell ring, Sho wishes him good luck. He promises to himself he’ll talk it out with Nino later when they meet again.
It doesn’t go as planned. Sho is on his way to meet Nino when he hears his lover talking to someone. Sho recognizes that the voice is from Nino’s instructor. He stands still and hidden as he listens about the news of Nino’s new scholarship offer.
Sho is happy. Nino deserves it, and he knows it will give Nino a better future. Sadly, Sho knows he isn’t part of it.
That’s why he has decided to meet Yuka at the park as soon as possible. Sho has chosen, and that’s why he is freeing Nino from all of this. ---)
Thinking back then, Sho had chosen a coward’s path. Things might have turn out to be okay that day, but in exchanged for that, everyone still got hurt no matter how much he wanted to avoid that.
“I’m sorry.” Sho repeated. This time, he had his head low.
There was a pregnant pause until Nino finally spoke. “I knew everything that happened, Sho…”
Sho looked up in shock. He was surprised at what Nino just revealed.
“How?”
Nino, who was looking already outside when Sho looked up, shifted his gaze back at Sho. “Yuka told me.”
“I had a vacation then. Even though there wasn’t a reason for me, I still came back after a year.” Nino continued. He laid his fork at the side of his plate and leaned back on his seat, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his trousers. “I guess that time, I knew our break up wasn’t really simple case.” Nino chuckled, trying to enliven the mood.
“Yuka told you?”
Nino nodded and explained, “You were still in Singapore that time, for your training after graduation. So I met up with Yuka.”
“But she didn’t tell me.”
“I asked her not to.” Nino said. “I don’t want to complicate things.”
Sho shook his head in protest, saying, “Still, I was selfish. I still hurt you, and I-“
“And so I am, Sho…” Nino cut in. “I was selfish too.”
Nino sat straight and started playing with the sauce of his burger. “When I learned everything from her…” He started, and Sho listened.
“I could have asked for you to come back to me, but I didn’t. Instead, I took that as an excuse to justify my decision of leaving you and pursuing my dream.” Nino admitted.
Sho was about to protest again, but Nino shook his head. His eyes were pleading for Sho to let him continue, and Sho did.
“I always thought it was you and me against the world, Sho. You were the first one who had seen me for who I am and not for the name I bore, or the family I had.” Nino confessed, “And for you, I was your adventure, your sense of freedom.”
“But I loved you…” Sho said, slightly agitated.
“I loved you too…” Nino replied calmly, reaching out to touch Sho’s hand in the table. Nino’s smile somehow calmed Sho down.
“But we were young back then. We thought what we had was real love.” Nino said.
“Was it not?” Sho asked.
“Maybe yes… maybe not.” Nino shrugged, “Still it wasn’t enough to prove that we were meant to be.” Nino said, squeezing Sho’s hand under his.
“That’s why let’s stop this, Sho.” Nino continued. “We have made mistakes in the past, and we have learned from it. We have moved on. We’re here now, aren’t we?”
Sho looked at Nino’s hand above his. That hand under Nino’s was the same hand where he wore his wedding ring before. Maybe that was the reason that even though he was already divorced with Yuka, he still kept on wearing it. That ring was a reminder of what he had done in the past, and the reason why he was afraid to give his everything to Jun.
Maybe it wasn’t just closure that he needed. He needed forgiveness not just from Nino, but from himself too.
Sho hadn’t been wearing the ring for some time now. It was hidden and probably forgotten already. When Nino pulled his hand back, it seemed that the invisible traces of the ring were finally erased.
That day, he felt the burden in his heart had been finally lifted. Everything was clear now. He finally felt free.
That was why when they were outside the restaurant, Sho stopped his tracks and called Nino, who was walking towards the opposite direction.
"Did you hate me when I didn't fight for you before?" Sho asked before it was too late. The other man paused and then turned to look back at him. The other looked up, thinking intently before looking back at Sho and shaking his head, "Maybe at first... But then you made me realize that something that is perfect isn't real happiness, and so instead, I'm thankful."
Sho smiled, grateful of the honesty in Nino's words. He walked closer towards Nino and grabbed the younger man, enclosing Nino into a hug.
"Thank you, Kazu." Sho said. Nino chuckled, but he hugged Sho back.
"Come on, let's really stop this, Sho-chan. We're attracting too much audience for our drama." Nino joked, and Sho let go with a grin. He did notice some people who were passing by gave them stares. None of it matters though. He was just happy.
"When will you come back then?" Sho asked.
Nino thought for awhile, counting the months with his fingers. "Probably after half a year." Nino concluded, and then added, "I'll be back for good then."
Sho nodded, "You better give me a call. I still needed someone to give me piano lessons."
"I'll think about it." Nino shrugged playfully.
Sho laughed. He was about to say goodbye since he extended his lunch too much when Nino's phone rang. The shorter man answered it, and Sho felt it was rude to just leave the guy alone after everything between them was finally clear.
"Hello?" Nino answered the phone. With the way Nino smiled, fond and bright, Sho didn't need to hear from the other man that it was Ohno who called. Sho grew weary though when Nino's smile changed into a frown.
"Which hospital?... Yeah, Sho's with me now. I'll bring him along." Nino said, making Sho confused. He didn't ask and just waited for Nino to end the call.
"We got to go to the hospital first." Nino said to Sho as soon as he hang up. Sho was about to ask why and who was in the hospital, but words were stuck once Nino filled Sho the important detail."Jun fainted at work."
Sho didn't need to ask more anything and hailed a cab immediately. After finding a ride and settling inside the cab,Nino instructed the driver about their destination.
Sho was silent. He was worried about Jun. He did saw that Jun wasn't looking good when the younger man left his house earlier. How Sho wished he had tried his best to persuadeJun in bringing the younger man home. Maybe he was able to look after Jun and even bring the man to the hospital himself.
As the second ticked by, Sho was restless, shifting in his seat from time to time. A part of him was annoyed that he didn't bring his car to work. Maybe then he could have done something to avoid being caught in the traffic. Another part of him was glad that he did the opposite. Sho knew that if he was this tensed, it would take a lot of luck to bring himself at the hospital in one piece.If Nino wasn't there, he might have lashed his temper at the driver.
"Hey, everything's gonna be fine." Nino said, placing a hand at Sho's shoulder.
Sho smiled at the other, nodding hishead. He tried to calm himself, shaking off the feeling of both nervousness and tension.
Sho knew in himself, it wasn't just Jun being in the hospital that made him like this. It was the man himself.
Once they arrived at the hospital, Sho sprinted to the information booth to get Jun's room number. After getting it, he walked towards the direction the Nurse told him with Nino in tow.
They were three rooms away from where Jun'sroom was supposed to be when a doctor came outfrom it with Ohno following. Sho stopped and saw the doctor shaking Ohno's hand gleefully as if congratulating Ohno. It made Sho confused. When the doctor walked towards the opposite side, Nino was the one who approached Ohno first. Sho followed.
"Satoshi..."
"Kazu…" Ohno said, grabbing Nino's hand that reached out to him. He pulled Nino closer, before placing a hand at the back ofNino's head and kissed the younger man in the forehead.
Sho felt it was awkward at first, but when he thought about it, seeing Nino mushy with his current boyfriend didn't bother him anymore. Maybe the public display of attention did quite embarrassed him. He felt as if he was invading a private moment of the couple.
"Sakurai-kun…"Ohno greeted, and Sho gave a brief nod as an answer.
"Jun-kun, just regained consciousness." Ohno relayed before opening the door.
Sho stood frozen there at the moment.Although it was a relief that Jun was finally awake, Sho was honestly hoping Jun was still unconscious when he arrived. Maybe it would be easier that way for both of them.
"What are you waiting there, Sho-chan?"
Sho was pulled out of his momentarily train of thoughts, finding Ohno was gone inside already, and Nino was about to enter as well. He didn't have enough time to protest as Nino grabbed his hand, pulling him to enter the room.
Jun's widened eyes were the first thingSho was able to register. There was a sudden change in the way Jun's eyes looked at him, but it was gone before Sho pinpointed what it was.
"I brought Sho-kun with me." Nino announced before letting go of Sho's hand to go nearer the bed where Jun was lying.
Sho didn't know whether to come closer or not, but when Nino and Jun were looking at him expectantly, he also walked closer.
“Hey, how were you feeling?” Sho asked after standing beside the bed. Nino had already moved beside Ohno, who was standing by the window.
“I’m fine. Thank you.” Jun replied with a smile. Sho felt that smile was forced. “It was just fatigue.” Jun explained further.
That moment, Sho chanced a glance Ohno's direction. It was just for a moment, but he was sure he saw a questioning look from Ohno directed after hearing Jun's reply.Sho chose not to be bothered by it, believing it was just his overthinking mind.
The important thing was Jun was fine.
"Are we fine too?" Sho wanted to ask that when it was just him with Jun left. Nino and Ohno excused themselves since Nino needed to finish packing for his early flight tomorrow.
After the couple left, Sho felt again the hanging tension between them from earlier was more apparent than before. He was itching to ask Jun about it, but he was afraid it was just in his mind.
"Do you have someone to pick you up once you are discharge?" Sho asked, just for the lack of topic to talk about.
"Maybe, Onee-san will pick me up." Jun said, not meeting his eyes.
"I can pick you up if you want. I don't have anything big to deal with in the company so I can still be excused." Sho suggested, but he was nervous. It felt like Jun would still decline the offer, and Jun did.
"Thanks, Sho-san. But I can manage." Jun said finally looking Sho.
Sho flinched internally. Jun's eyes were looking straight at him, pleading about something he couldn’t tell. Was Jun asking for him to leave?
“Jun, I…-“ Sho didn’t continue. He didn’t know which words to say. There were a lot of things they needed to talk, but Sho couldn’t bring it out. It seemed Jun didn’t want to. Maybe he too needed to think things first before he came clean to the man in front of him.
“I’ll be going then.” Sho announced.
Jun nodded, still not looking at Sho. With a heavy feeling in his chest, Sho stood up. Seeing Jun fine was enough for him anyways. It was hard not to reach out and touch Jun though, to prove that they were okay. Yet Sho knew Jun needed space. And all he could manage to say was… “Take care of yourself.”
When he was about to turn around, he felt a hand grabbed him. He looked back to the only other man occupying the room. Sho was brought back to that one time when they were in a hotel more or less eight weeks ago, and Jun stopped him from going.
Today was different.
“Thank you, Sho-san.” Jun said with glassy eyes. “…for everything.”
Sho didn’t know what to feel. A lot of things were mixing up with his mind and heart. Was he reading it right? Or was he assuming too much?
Why do I feel like you’re saying goodbye?
Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9------------------------------------------
Additional notes from the author:
As you can see, I’m connecting chapter 8 with a lot of things from the previous chapters. We’re down to 2 chapters till this series ends after all, and that meant I'm wrapping things up. Also, there are hints and bit coming already ne? Now we have the explanation why Sho still wore the wedding at the early stage of the novel. This chapter is still shaky. Thanks to Via and Hikaru, they managed to enlighten me on how to execute this. (I'm crossing my fingers that this will be approved by those two). Still, I might come back and re-write or add stuff at some parts, but maybe I’ll do that after I finished the whole series. If you are confused of something, just tell me and I’ll gladly indulged you with answers.
So far, Chapter 9 will still be a mystery. There are just other people who’ll play a big part in Sho and Jun’s relationship. Who do you think those people are?
Till then, yoroshiku onegaishimasu.
Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya, Sakumiya (past), Sho/OC (past)
Rating: PG13
Chapter - Word Count: Chapter 8 - 4 562 words
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Family, Fluff, Kid, Romance
Summary: "Did you hate me when I didn't fight for you before?" Sho asked before it was too late. The other man paused and then turned to look back at him. The other looked up, thinking intently before looking back at Sho and shaking his head, "Maybe at first... But then you made me realize that something that is perfect isn't real happiness, and so instead, I'm thankful."
Beta: Un-beta.
Author’s Notes: I know, I know…. It’s pretty late. OTL I had a bit of writer’s block and some dead ends. Still thankful to octavialao and akhikaru for always being wonderful gals! Two chapters left!!! Uwaah~
Same reminder: paragraphs written in past tense are happening in the present. Paragraphs written in (--- present tense---) are happening in the past. I’m still being ironic so yeah~
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Eight Weeks
Sho was woken up by the sound of someone throwing up. He had a dull headache welcoming him after abruptly sitting up, but Sho ignored it, opting to come straight towards the bathroom. There was the sound of flushing and then running water from the faucet.
When Sho arrived by the bathroom's doorway, Jun was splashing water against his face, looking pale. Sho grew worried.
"Are you okay?" Sho asked.
"Sorry, did I wake you up?" Jun asked instead, looking back at Sho through the reflection on the mirror. There was a blush in Jun's cheeks, and that was when Sho noticed both of them were equally naked. There was the added fact that Sho was carrying a morning arousal. Sho didn't let it bother him. It wasn't like they hadn't seen each other naked already. They were just conscious, and Sho would like to concentrate on the fact that Jun had throw up early in the morning. He shook his head nonchalantly as an answer.
"Are you okay?" Sho repeated.
Jun grimaced. "Just a worse-case of hangover I guess." He reasoned unsurely.
"I'll just get water from the kitchen." Sho said in his still sleepy state. He didn't let Jun protest anymore and proceeded in doing what he said after at least putting on some boxers. Along the way, Sho had the coffee machine running, knowing how Jun loved coffees in the morning. He also got some medications seemingly that Jun needed one.
When Sho was back in the bedroom with a glass of water, Jun was already dressed with his yesterday’s clothes, sitting in the edge of the bed. His hand was cradling his head. The other one was pressed in the stomach.
“Here.”
Jun looked up, directing a grateful smile towards Sho as the older man offered him the glass of water. “Thanks.” He mumbled before drinking from it. After finishing half of it, Sho took the glass and put it on the bedside drawer.
Sho kneeled in front of Jun, reaching out to touchhis forehead. Thankfully, Jun’s temperature seems normal, but he’s alarmingly pale. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah.This isn’t the first time I have a huge hangover.” Jun joked. He smiled, but it came weak. Sho settled his hands on the bed, at each other sides of Jun’s thighs.
“I know I’m not a good cook though I’m still going to offer anyways.” Sho started with a smile. “You want anything in particular? I can probably cook eggs and toast without burning anything.” He continued, trying to enlighten the mood. He would definitely understand if Jun wasn’t up for it. He was a terrible cook.
Jun had a genuine smile a moment, but it quickly disappeared when he straightened up. “Thanks for the offer, but I really need to go.” Jun said, looking at anything that wasn’t Sho.
Sho could take the hint that Jun was avoiding his gaze for some reason. That left him quite disappointed. He wondered if Jun was still mad at him about yesterday. He also wanted to spend more time with Jun. But when he chanced a glance towards his alarm clock in the bedside table, he was reminded that he needed to get ready for work. Same went for Jun too.
“I can take you home at least. I’ll just change into decent clothes in a jiffy.” Sho presented. He was still worried about Jun’s condition after all.
“Don’t worry, I can manage.” Jun shook his head, trying to assure Sho that he was fine.
Sho nodded, giving in. "Stubborn as always." Sho teased, still trying to lift the atmosphere even for a bit. He did made Jun chuckle even for a moment, and Sho was okay with that. The younger man stood up, and Sho followed, grabbing a shirt along the way and wore it.
The two men were silent as they walked. Sho chose to walk a bit behind just so he could observed Jun properly. At least, he could react properly if Jun suddenly fainted.Sho couldn't also removed the feeling something was up. For some reason, there was a hanging tension in the air.
“Hey, Jun…” Sho called when they reached the genkan. Jun crouched down to wore his shoes. He hummed to let Sho know that he was listening.
Sho contemplated whether he should ask Jun if he was mad or something. He wanted to ask Jun if... At the end, he just shook his head and said, “Nothing, just take care.”
It wasn't the right timing yet in Sho's opinion, but definitely it would be soon.
After finishing wearing his shoes, Jun stood up and faced Sho. He said, “You too.”
Sho nodded and watched Jun as the latter turned around to leave. Jun was about to open the door when he paused. Sho quirked an eyebrow.
Sho couldn't say anything when he felt Jun's lips against his. Sho blinked, staring at Jun in astonish.
“Goodbye, Sho-san.”Jun said it with a smile before leaving.
Sho's heart thumped rapidly, but he didn't know whether he should be happy or sad. There was just something in the way Jun smiled at him.
At work, Sho couldn’t keep his concentration on whatever he was doing. He kept glancing at his phone every five minutes. After much deliberation in his mind, he got his phone and browsed through his contacts. When he reached a particular name, he thumbed over the call button. He had second thoughts suddenly.
“Should I call Jun?” Sho murmured to himself. He was still extremely worried about the younger man, remembering how sick Jun looked like. It wasn’t just that. Their last conversation left a big impression at Sho.
And then Sho saw the name next to Jun. Sho's eyes widened. He almost forgot about his plan of talking with Nino. (Thankfully, he got Nino’s number since Aiba used his phone to confirm the location of the small party.)
Sho bit his lips and pressed the call button. It took three rings before the man answered.
"Hello."
Sho exhaled before answering, "Hey, it's me."
"Sho-kun?"
"Yeah... Uhm..." Sho paused, thinking what to say, but then it was better to be straighforward right? Sho knew their talk was long overdue."I need to talk to you."
Nino was silent in the other line, but Sho could hear Nino's calm breathing. Sho took it as a good sign.
"If you treat me with hamburgers for lunch then how can I refuse?"Nino said.
Sho could imagine the playful smile Nino was donning. Hamburgers were his favorite after all.
"At that place then?" Sho suggested, remembering the days Sho had taken Nino a certain placein their dates. Sho wasn't sure whether Nino still remembered it, but he did proclaim that it served the best burgers he had eaten in his entire time. Maybe Nino would still like it there.
"Ah, now that's what I'm talking about. I'll meet you there at quarter to 12." Nino said, cheerful.
"Sure." Sho said.
"Later then." Nino hanged up after.
Sho looked at his phone for a couple of minutes. He still couldn't believe it. But he felt light. It was like a burden was lifted up, slowly but surely. This was definitely a new start.
When lunch came, he took a cab towardsa small family restaurant near the dormitory where he stayed while in college. As he entered the place, the owner showed recognition. Sho acknowledged it with a bow, and before he knew it, he was engaged to a conversation while waiting for Nino. The conversation was cut short when customers started filling in, and the owner excused his self to help in serving. Nino arrived by then and greeted the owner. Judging with the way the two were interacting, Sho could tell that Nino was still a regular here. The owner did mention Ohno. Yes, Sho could see this restaurant still served the best hamburgers in Nino’s whole life.
"Sorry if I called you suddenly." Sho said as Nino sat opposite him.
Nino shook his head and replied, "Nah, it's fine. I needed to get away from packing or I'll go crazy. Plus it's your treat so how can I refuse."
Sho had a heartfelt laugh before commenting, “You’re still stingy as ever.”
“Well, that’s me after all.” Nino shrugged smugly.
Their orders were taken by then when the waiter came. While waitingfor their food to arrived, they talked about a lot of things. It was likepart two of their catching-up conversation from last night, and it continued on as they munch on their meals.Sho was glad mentioning Yuka or Shijoro wasn't awkward as it was before. To think this time, it was just him and Nino who were talking. There were no distractions and no medium just in case things get out of hand.
"I can't believe they cut my eight weeks vacationshort. Can't they make music without me around." Nino huffed as he stabbed his burger patty with his fork.
"Well,that's work. And you know how uptight it can be." Sho commented, taking a spoonful of his meal into his mouth.
"Well, your workseems so. Look at those wrinkles in your face."Nino teased, pointing his fork at Sho's face.
"Hey, being a stock analyst has it perks." Sho defended, adding, "I don't mind analyzingfigures and numbers."
"Well, what can I say? I hate those anyways." Nino shrugged, taking another bite of his patty.
"But you love counting and saving money, and those are included in what I do."Sho teased.
Nino thought for awhile, and then shrugged. "Well, that's different kind of figures and numbers."Nino grinned, and Sho chuckled.
It was really a comfortable atmosphere between them. It was as if things didn't go awry, and they never had to look back to the years of pain and separation, to lies and regrets. Yet those were the things they needed to clear up at the moment. And no matter how everything seemed fine so far, Sho needed to start the inevitable.
"Uhm... Kazu..." Sho broke the silence that befall them.It got Nino's attention, and Sho couldn't look straight. Sho proven that everything he thought to do was easier said than done. "Before... I-... Back then..."
"Let's stop this Sho-chan." Nino interjected with a gentle smile.
"But I.. The thing I did to you back then..." Sho wanted to continue, to explain things, but then that would be just another strings of excuses, and Sho didn't want to give that anymore. All in all, Sho had only one thing to say, "I'm sorry."
(--- Their relationship is perfect in Sho's opinion. Of course like any couple, they have their own fights, but that doesn't long. Each one is courageous enough to admit his mistakes and ask for forgiveness.Both of them tries to make this work because it felt they only have each other. Yet there comes a time things aren't just perfect as it seems.
"I told you dad, I won't marry Yuka! She's my friend, and nothing more." Sho counters his father as they take the matter in the study room. Sho is in his last year, and his parents keep on pushing him to marry his friend, the daughter of their family's partner in business.
Sho's father is silent, and Sho feels cold sweat trailing his neck. Like him, his father has a short fused, yet Sho's downright refusal is received in silence. Sho expected things are going out of hand. And like he has predicted, everything turns for the worst.
"Is this because of your boyfriend?"Sho's father says in a menacing tone.
Sho's eyes widen in realization. "How-," he stammers.
"We warned you before Sho... We don't want you attaching yourself with that orphan..."The Sakurai head continues with disgust, "To think he was the son of thattreachourous swindler."
"But father, Kazu's nothing like him..." Sho tries to defend his boyfriend. No, Nino isn't like that swindler. Ninois a good man.
With determination, he decides, "I will stay with Nino whether you like it or not."
Sho's father stops signing papers. He puts the pen down and look straight at Sho's eyes.
"You do know I hold shares in your university?" Sho's father asks. Sho becomes nervous. Of course he knows that. Why is his father bringing that up.
"I have a say who receives full scholarship, and who can't..." Sho's father continues when Sho doesn't reply."I can even revoke it from students who I deem not worthy."
"What-?" Sho asks, but stops himself when he realizes what his father is implying."You wouldn't even-,"Sho gasps.
The scholarship is the only thing that Nino prides on. He has earned with diligence and hardwork. Loosing it will surely crushNino's dreams, Nino's heart... Sho can't have that especially now that Nino is so close in achieving his dream.
Sho's father leans back in his swivel chair, not breaking eye contact with Sho's round ones. He says his verdict, "You have a choice, Sho. Choose wisely or the consequences may be fatal with your 'friend'... Remember that..."
Sho doesn't answer instead.
The following day, Sho hasn't slept a wink. Everything in his head is unclear, and he doesn't know what to do.
Nino isn’t one to be oblivious if things aren’t okay. He asks, “Is something wrong, Sho?”
Sho looks to his side where Nino is sitting. They are behind the keys again, but this time they are in the auditorium. Nino is practicing his piece for arecital later, and Sho is there to listen. It helps in calming down his hammering heart.
“I love you.” Sho murmurs instead, placing a kiss in Nino’s forehead. There is confusion in his face, but he doesn’t ask further. He just reply it with a kiss and a squeeze of hand before he plays again. This time it has a happier tune. Sho knows he is trying to lift Sho’s mood.
Sho is thankful with Nino’s understanding, but he is sad that he is keeping something important as this from Nino. Still, he keeps his silence about the matter. He doesn’t want to talk it yet with his lover. Not now when Nino is preoccupied with something important. When the bell ring, Sho wishes him good luck. He promises to himself he’ll talk it out with Nino later when they meet again.
It doesn’t go as planned. Sho is on his way to meet Nino when he hears his lover talking to someone. Sho recognizes that the voice is from Nino’s instructor. He stands still and hidden as he listens about the news of Nino’s new scholarship offer.
Sho is happy. Nino deserves it, and he knows it will give Nino a better future. Sadly, Sho knows he isn’t part of it.
That’s why he has decided to meet Yuka at the park as soon as possible. Sho has chosen, and that’s why he is freeing Nino from all of this. ---)
Thinking back then, Sho had chosen a coward’s path. Things might have turn out to be okay that day, but in exchanged for that, everyone still got hurt no matter how much he wanted to avoid that.
“I’m sorry.” Sho repeated. This time, he had his head low.
There was a pregnant pause until Nino finally spoke. “I knew everything that happened, Sho…”
Sho looked up in shock. He was surprised at what Nino just revealed.
“How?”
Nino, who was looking already outside when Sho looked up, shifted his gaze back at Sho. “Yuka told me.”
“I had a vacation then. Even though there wasn’t a reason for me, I still came back after a year.” Nino continued. He laid his fork at the side of his plate and leaned back on his seat, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his trousers. “I guess that time, I knew our break up wasn’t really simple case.” Nino chuckled, trying to enliven the mood.
“Yuka told you?”
Nino nodded and explained, “You were still in Singapore that time, for your training after graduation. So I met up with Yuka.”
“But she didn’t tell me.”
“I asked her not to.” Nino said. “I don’t want to complicate things.”
Sho shook his head in protest, saying, “Still, I was selfish. I still hurt you, and I-“
“And so I am, Sho…” Nino cut in. “I was selfish too.”
Nino sat straight and started playing with the sauce of his burger. “When I learned everything from her…” He started, and Sho listened.
“I could have asked for you to come back to me, but I didn’t. Instead, I took that as an excuse to justify my decision of leaving you and pursuing my dream.” Nino admitted.
Sho was about to protest again, but Nino shook his head. His eyes were pleading for Sho to let him continue, and Sho did.
“I always thought it was you and me against the world, Sho. You were the first one who had seen me for who I am and not for the name I bore, or the family I had.” Nino confessed, “And for you, I was your adventure, your sense of freedom.”
“But I loved you…” Sho said, slightly agitated.
“I loved you too…” Nino replied calmly, reaching out to touch Sho’s hand in the table. Nino’s smile somehow calmed Sho down.
“But we were young back then. We thought what we had was real love.” Nino said.
“Was it not?” Sho asked.
“Maybe yes… maybe not.” Nino shrugged, “Still it wasn’t enough to prove that we were meant to be.” Nino said, squeezing Sho’s hand under his.
“That’s why let’s stop this, Sho.” Nino continued. “We have made mistakes in the past, and we have learned from it. We have moved on. We’re here now, aren’t we?”
Sho looked at Nino’s hand above his. That hand under Nino’s was the same hand where he wore his wedding ring before. Maybe that was the reason that even though he was already divorced with Yuka, he still kept on wearing it. That ring was a reminder of what he had done in the past, and the reason why he was afraid to give his everything to Jun.
Maybe it wasn’t just closure that he needed. He needed forgiveness not just from Nino, but from himself too.
Sho hadn’t been wearing the ring for some time now. It was hidden and probably forgotten already. When Nino pulled his hand back, it seemed that the invisible traces of the ring were finally erased.
That day, he felt the burden in his heart had been finally lifted. Everything was clear now. He finally felt free.
That was why when they were outside the restaurant, Sho stopped his tracks and called Nino, who was walking towards the opposite direction.
"Did you hate me when I didn't fight for you before?" Sho asked before it was too late. The other man paused and then turned to look back at him. The other looked up, thinking intently before looking back at Sho and shaking his head, "Maybe at first... But then you made me realize that something that is perfect isn't real happiness, and so instead, I'm thankful."
Sho smiled, grateful of the honesty in Nino's words. He walked closer towards Nino and grabbed the younger man, enclosing Nino into a hug.
"Thank you, Kazu." Sho said. Nino chuckled, but he hugged Sho back.
"Come on, let's really stop this, Sho-chan. We're attracting too much audience for our drama." Nino joked, and Sho let go with a grin. He did notice some people who were passing by gave them stares. None of it matters though. He was just happy.
"When will you come back then?" Sho asked.
Nino thought for awhile, counting the months with his fingers. "Probably after half a year." Nino concluded, and then added, "I'll be back for good then."
Sho nodded, "You better give me a call. I still needed someone to give me piano lessons."
"I'll think about it." Nino shrugged playfully.
Sho laughed. He was about to say goodbye since he extended his lunch too much when Nino's phone rang. The shorter man answered it, and Sho felt it was rude to just leave the guy alone after everything between them was finally clear.
"Hello?" Nino answered the phone. With the way Nino smiled, fond and bright, Sho didn't need to hear from the other man that it was Ohno who called. Sho grew weary though when Nino's smile changed into a frown.
"Which hospital?... Yeah, Sho's with me now. I'll bring him along." Nino said, making Sho confused. He didn't ask and just waited for Nino to end the call.
"We got to go to the hospital first." Nino said to Sho as soon as he hang up. Sho was about to ask why and who was in the hospital, but words were stuck once Nino filled Sho the important detail."Jun fainted at work."
Sho didn't need to ask more anything and hailed a cab immediately. After finding a ride and settling inside the cab,Nino instructed the driver about their destination.
Sho was silent. He was worried about Jun. He did saw that Jun wasn't looking good when the younger man left his house earlier. How Sho wished he had tried his best to persuadeJun in bringing the younger man home. Maybe he was able to look after Jun and even bring the man to the hospital himself.
As the second ticked by, Sho was restless, shifting in his seat from time to time. A part of him was annoyed that he didn't bring his car to work. Maybe then he could have done something to avoid being caught in the traffic. Another part of him was glad that he did the opposite. Sho knew that if he was this tensed, it would take a lot of luck to bring himself at the hospital in one piece.If Nino wasn't there, he might have lashed his temper at the driver.
"Hey, everything's gonna be fine." Nino said, placing a hand at Sho's shoulder.
Sho smiled at the other, nodding hishead. He tried to calm himself, shaking off the feeling of both nervousness and tension.
Sho knew in himself, it wasn't just Jun being in the hospital that made him like this. It was the man himself.
Once they arrived at the hospital, Sho sprinted to the information booth to get Jun's room number. After getting it, he walked towards the direction the Nurse told him with Nino in tow.
They were three rooms away from where Jun'sroom was supposed to be when a doctor came outfrom it with Ohno following. Sho stopped and saw the doctor shaking Ohno's hand gleefully as if congratulating Ohno. It made Sho confused. When the doctor walked towards the opposite side, Nino was the one who approached Ohno first. Sho followed.
"Satoshi..."
"Kazu…" Ohno said, grabbing Nino's hand that reached out to him. He pulled Nino closer, before placing a hand at the back ofNino's head and kissed the younger man in the forehead.
Sho felt it was awkward at first, but when he thought about it, seeing Nino mushy with his current boyfriend didn't bother him anymore. Maybe the public display of attention did quite embarrassed him. He felt as if he was invading a private moment of the couple.
"Sakurai-kun…"Ohno greeted, and Sho gave a brief nod as an answer.
"Jun-kun, just regained consciousness." Ohno relayed before opening the door.
Sho stood frozen there at the moment.Although it was a relief that Jun was finally awake, Sho was honestly hoping Jun was still unconscious when he arrived. Maybe it would be easier that way for both of them.
"What are you waiting there, Sho-chan?"
Sho was pulled out of his momentarily train of thoughts, finding Ohno was gone inside already, and Nino was about to enter as well. He didn't have enough time to protest as Nino grabbed his hand, pulling him to enter the room.
Jun's widened eyes were the first thingSho was able to register. There was a sudden change in the way Jun's eyes looked at him, but it was gone before Sho pinpointed what it was.
"I brought Sho-kun with me." Nino announced before letting go of Sho's hand to go nearer the bed where Jun was lying.
Sho didn't know whether to come closer or not, but when Nino and Jun were looking at him expectantly, he also walked closer.
“Hey, how were you feeling?” Sho asked after standing beside the bed. Nino had already moved beside Ohno, who was standing by the window.
“I’m fine. Thank you.” Jun replied with a smile. Sho felt that smile was forced. “It was just fatigue.” Jun explained further.
That moment, Sho chanced a glance Ohno's direction. It was just for a moment, but he was sure he saw a questioning look from Ohno directed after hearing Jun's reply.Sho chose not to be bothered by it, believing it was just his overthinking mind.
The important thing was Jun was fine.
"Are we fine too?" Sho wanted to ask that when it was just him with Jun left. Nino and Ohno excused themselves since Nino needed to finish packing for his early flight tomorrow.
After the couple left, Sho felt again the hanging tension between them from earlier was more apparent than before. He was itching to ask Jun about it, but he was afraid it was just in his mind.
"Do you have someone to pick you up once you are discharge?" Sho asked, just for the lack of topic to talk about.
"Maybe, Onee-san will pick me up." Jun said, not meeting his eyes.
"I can pick you up if you want. I don't have anything big to deal with in the company so I can still be excused." Sho suggested, but he was nervous. It felt like Jun would still decline the offer, and Jun did.
"Thanks, Sho-san. But I can manage." Jun said finally looking Sho.
Sho flinched internally. Jun's eyes were looking straight at him, pleading about something he couldn’t tell. Was Jun asking for him to leave?
“Jun, I…-“ Sho didn’t continue. He didn’t know which words to say. There were a lot of things they needed to talk, but Sho couldn’t bring it out. It seemed Jun didn’t want to. Maybe he too needed to think things first before he came clean to the man in front of him.
“I’ll be going then.” Sho announced.
Jun nodded, still not looking at Sho. With a heavy feeling in his chest, Sho stood up. Seeing Jun fine was enough for him anyways. It was hard not to reach out and touch Jun though, to prove that they were okay. Yet Sho knew Jun needed space. And all he could manage to say was… “Take care of yourself.”
When he was about to turn around, he felt a hand grabbed him. He looked back to the only other man occupying the room. Sho was brought back to that one time when they were in a hotel more or less eight weeks ago, and Jun stopped him from going.
Today was different.
“Thank you, Sho-san.” Jun said with glassy eyes. “…for everything.”
Sho didn’t know what to feel. A lot of things were mixing up with his mind and heart. Was he reading it right? Or was he assuming too much?
Why do I feel like you’re saying goodbye?
Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9------------------------------------------
Additional notes from the author:
As you can see, I’m connecting chapter 8 with a lot of things from the previous chapters. We’re down to 2 chapters till this series ends after all, and that meant I'm wrapping things up. Also, there are hints and bit coming already ne? Now we have the explanation why Sho still wore the wedding at the early stage of the novel. This chapter is still shaky. Thanks to Via and Hikaru, they managed to enlighten me on how to execute this. (I'm crossing my fingers that this will be approved by those two). Still, I might come back and re-write or add stuff at some parts, but maybe I’ll do that after I finished the whole series. If you are confused of something, just tell me and I’ll gladly indulged you with answers.
So far, Chapter 9 will still be a mystery. There are just other people who’ll play a big part in Sho and Jun’s relationship. Who do you think those people are?
Till then, yoroshiku onegaishimasu.