i am tumbling over my pride...

[silvercharm]

i dont necessarily have anything to write.
these days i dont necessarily have a lot to say, either.
i'm trying to make a lot of big decisions.
and hopefully i'll choose the right answer and things will work out.
though i'm not sure why exactly i'm trying to change things that are already working out.
it doesn't make sense in my head, and it certainly doesn't make sense on this screen, either.

i'm blessed to have the fabulous support system that i have.
though at times i feel it is completely unfounded...
and many times i feel like we're trying to hold on to something that left a long time ago.

but i want more. i want more to my life than what i have right now.
i want to mean something to someone the same way i know someone can mean to me.
i think sometimes people question my capability of this.
sometimes i suppose i question my capability of this, too.

i guess right now i'm trying to keep my head up and keep optimistic.
after all, ive been optimistic for twenty years now.
why stop?