Major Update!? -contin.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Pool Time
went to the pool with pk a few times.
Yep!
blake just took over mowin the lawn for my mom.
Too Sweet!! <3
..gah i'm such a girl..
July 27th
i woke up to being poked in the back and pinched by mom eagerly wanting to go to little 5.
by 11am we were on our way through traffic to atlanta.
by 2 we were at little 5 parking and taking pics of the amazing graffiti art on the streets.
by 3 we were at the tavern eating lunch.
by 4 we were leaving.
by 5:15pm we were passing barrett pkwy with news of my dad's arrival 45 mins to come.
30 mins after being at home my mom and sylvie leave for the grocery store and my dad arrives 5 mins after priscilla.
then the fun began...
living with my dad is going to be a crazy trip.
i know for most people its easy shit, but for me its a little nerve racking.
{EDIT: pictures of little 5 graffiti, new things, & dad arrival posted soon.}
blah
school was incredibly boring.
my phone has barely any service.
this weekend is going to be a lonely one.
saturday is the MOR swayzes show.
next weekend my parents are going outta town.
i bombed a math test.
blake was sorely missed.
i don't feel entirely great and dandy.
i fell asleep at 8 this morning woke up at 12:42.
i feel like a dirty old hag.
WOOT for today!
Talking
so someone tell me what's the point of talking when i'm just going to make myself feel stupid, not allowed to finish a sentence/statement, or just sit there and bicker and argue points?
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Web Browser/Computer
MY FUCKIN INTERNET/MOZILLA/COMPUTER or WHATEVER KEEPS FUCKING UP!!!!????-
i swear i'm going to blow it up if it keeps this up. >_>
self conscious
i'm really self conscious lately and i'm going through a bit of a change.
i'm cutting my hair shorter and more evened so it'll grow out right.
like so:
my hair is damaged if i dye it any more and its just a mess.
so whatever changes come, even if you don't like it...accept it.
its not like i'm trying to reinvent myself.
i'm just not comfy in my own skin right now.
i don't feel happy.
i feel like i'm curled up in a ball crying inside.
i can't explain why.
don't assume anyone has done or said anything.
things just aren't the same.
i love my mom and my best friend Priscilla and my boyfriend immensely for supporting me and guiding me. Thank you guys greatly. I truely love you all.
Love?
"you can't love someone without trusting them"
what happens when i don't trust anyone?
i trust his judgment, i trust him not to deceive me, i trust that he loves me.
i don't trust he won't shield my delicate state from harmful words or actions. he loves too much. far much more than i expected. i may be delicate, i may wear my emotions on my sleeve, i may break down, but without any doubt i know i'm strong.
i know i can't give valid reasons nor make points on certain situations. i'm not "perfect" i'm far from it, i'm human. if i feel something isn't right and can't explain it, leave it be to uncover itself. then if by chance i'm wrong, don't rub it in, let me realize it and admit it. i'm not too prideful to admit my faults.
-
I want
to go on a rampage out of:
boredum,
frusteration,
confusion,
loneliness,
& depression.
i feel empty and like crying.
woot!
GO ROTT OFF!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
To Vodka Kisses & A Starlit Night
earlier today blake and i were in a heated arguement over my desire to leave georgia for a month or two.
he says i'm selfish in wanting to leave everything behind me for as long as that.
then a while back ago he said i need to worry about my happiness before everyone else.
i've had leaving set in my mind for god knows how long.
its something that'll make me happy.
i get time to myself and maybe a couple friends,
as well as clean my slate and start anew.
so when i decide to FINALLY do something for myself i'm told i'm selfish and i shouldn't leave them alone?
excuse me but now who's being selfish?
i do everything for the guy.
i buy him clothes, cigarettes, take care of him when he's sick, make him food when he's hungry, i even give him what little money i have in my pocket.
but i'm fuckin selfish to say i'm going to leave georgia and spend some time to find myself?
WHAT THE FUCK!?
if anyone can make sense of that for me please feel free.
what i get out of that is:
yea he's afraid to lose me but its not the end of the world.
its not like i'm going to go fuck loads of guys and completely forget about the kid.
i'm going to miss him like hell but i promised myself and my best friend DeWayne that i wouldn't let anyone get in between me and my dreams, and that my friends is part of my dream.
to find myself and be happy in who i am and with what my life has seen.
am i wrong?
this is jacob and he is what made my night so awesome after the bullshit of this morning.
he took me to the park and talked with me about life and stupid shit we've done as kids.
he gave me a comforting hug and sent me on my way.
