Sleep-dep ramblings
So, after getting chewed out by my sister yesterday (she learned I threw away everything to do with crafts after my break-up. She wasn't pleased. I didn't know canvases could hurt that much. >.>), I had a moment of 'huh', in terms of realizing that I was still letting Sarah beat on me, all these years later. And it kinda pissed me off. And Sam kinda stirred and had a moment of "Jesus, what the hell do you think we've been trying to tell you?" grumbly-snarly-snappy, and yeah. It's like knowing that the light in the laundry room is on, and then actually stopping and going "OH! Oh, my, that light is on. Huh." I dunno. I've always done this sort of oblivious nature thing. Ro used to get exasperated with it. "You're almost a genius, and yet you have the situational awareness of a toddler most days."
So yeah. Que-d up some music that I had saved pre-Sarah, and blasted it all night, and when the muse stirred, I dropped everything I was doing and wrote. And yeah, it's only 400 words, but it's 400 words I didn't write before, and it's the first thing I've really written in over a year. I'm perversely pleased by this, and awed by the glimmer of the person I used to be. It's the first glimpse I've seen of her since it all went to hell five years ago, the first chance to realize maybe I'm not as broken and shattered as I thought I was. A little dinged, yes, a little battered, yup, but not nearly as bad as I thought I was.
If I can just keep a hold of this feeling, now. Well, that and get rid of the 'nightmares'. Meh.
*gryns* I think this tiger just rediscovered her stripes, yeah?
Psst, I'll reply to those back-logged comments and threads and post the missing 100 things entry when I get up tonight. My hands don't hurt today, so hopefully I can tackle those! *fingers crossed*
This entry originally posted at (http://silverblaze85.dreamwidth.org/89512.html), where there are
comments on it. :)
So yeah. Que-d up some music that I had saved pre-Sarah, and blasted it all night, and when the muse stirred, I dropped everything I was doing and wrote. And yeah, it's only 400 words, but it's 400 words I didn't write before, and it's the first thing I've really written in over a year. I'm perversely pleased by this, and awed by the glimmer of the person I used to be. It's the first glimpse I've seen of her since it all went to hell five years ago, the first chance to realize maybe I'm not as broken and shattered as I thought I was. A little dinged, yes, a little battered, yup, but not nearly as bad as I thought I was.
If I can just keep a hold of this feeling, now. Well, that and get rid of the 'nightmares'. Meh.
*gryns* I think this tiger just rediscovered her stripes, yeah?
Psst, I'll reply to those back-logged comments and threads and post the missing 100 things entry when I get up tonight. My hands don't hurt today, so hopefully I can tackle those! *fingers crossed*
This entry originally posted at (http://silverblaze85.dreamwidth.org/89512.html), where there are
comments on it. :)